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[Flagrarus]

Pretend we totally didn't just steal that crate honest!

We got shot for this crate. We're not giving it up!

[Cheddarius]

Attempt to heal self.

[Tylui]

I haven't disappeared! Just had like three friends break up with their girlfriends and I myself did the same thing. I will try to post in a couple of hours, but if I don't get my work done first then I won't be able to!

[Tylui]

Also, why the hell do we have negative EXP?!

Because I'm AWESOME. And I don't think it's ever been done before. And because it's a Bay 12 Games game. Losing is fun, right? ^_^


Turn Three - Schizophrenia Control(Luck)(-7+0, FAIL)

>Shout that I mean no harm, that I'm running from the lady in the garden, and then explain that the crate is rightfully mine. (9+0, PASS) (Speech XP: +9)

"I MEAN NO HARM! I was just running from that crazy bitch who was throwing stuff at me! All I wanted was for me and my crate to be safe... I'm just glad you didn't shoot my crate. But my God this hurts! Look, I'm sorry for startling you... Just please allow me to get away from her, I won't bother you beyond that."

"Well... I guess that can't harm. You can't do too much evil with a wound in your stomach BWAHAHAHA*cough**cough*uugghhhhh..."

"Err?"

>Attempt to -magically- heal self. (-21-30{breaking reality}=-51, CRITFAIL) (Insta-death? 1+49=50, PASS) (Magic XP: -51)

After the driver stopped his hacking and what sounded like some serious medical problems, possibly fixable, I decided to test out this unknown universe and give some magic ago!

Thinking that it for sure wouldn't work, I decided to try a basic heal spell. "CURE MY WOUND FROM STICK OF BOOM," I chanted. Apparently the Aether heard "Cuh-rate goes KA-HA-HA-BOOM", as a bright light began to emanate from the inside of the crate. Through the slits in the boards, I could see a sickening swirling of colors of white and deep red. The intensity grew and grew, and my arm, resting on the crate, began to shake and feel the heat through the boards. As I withdrew from the crate and turned my back to it in fear, it ruptured just the way a crate ruptures when a bomb goes off inside. Shards of wood and nails flew every which way, including into the driver's arm. The wagon lurched forward a great deal, and, along with several chunks of wood sticking out of my back, I was hurled out the back of the wagon and landed hard on the ground.


STATUS:

Name: Cretus
Location: Unknown City; on the road. About 100 yards away from crazy lady's house, and just behind a mangled, burning wagon with an unconscious driver.

Surroundings: (Observation)(-48+0, CRITFAIL): You try to get an idea of where you are and deduce you must be somewhere at the bottom of a pool. You're pretty sure that a clown just called your grandmother a sasquatch, but you are rather unsure of whether this is the truth or maybe you just suck at trying to tell where you are right now.



Health:
You are in a good amount of pain.

• Right Upper Arm - Cut, Slightly Bleeding
• Gut - Shot, Badly Bleeding
• Back - Several large chunks of wood, Moderately Bleeding

Blood: 5225 / 5600 mL



Skills:
Level 0+

• Strength (38/100)

Level 0-

• First Aid (-6/-100)
• Luck (-7/-100) (0-7 = -7)
• Speech (-27/-100) (-36+9 = -27)
• Jumping (-45/-100)
• Observation (-49/-100) (-1-48 = -49)
• Magic (-51/-100) (0-51 = -51)

Inventory:

• Basic Clothing

>What should I do now?

[Flagrarus]

Loot the driver of the wagon
Check if you can find anything that might have been inside the crate
See what you can salvage from the burning wagon

Once we've gathered up everything we might need, run!

Also, it seems we haven't been very lucky so far, huh? We even lost our crate! 

[Cheddarius]

Try to magically kill ourself through a way that would never ever work.

[Zyzarda]

I vote for ripping the chunks of wood out of your back.

[Cheddarius]

We will inevitably fail and burst into flames. I say we try to commit suicide, upon which we will accidentally heal ourself.

[Flagrarus]

We will inevitably fail and burst into flames. I say we try to commit suicide, upon which we will accidentally heal ourself.

But if we roll a 3,4,5, (6?) we're dead 
Also, don't do it in a way that will never ever work. We both know what will happen. Why do you want us dead? 

[Zyzarda]

Take off your clothes,and run around town yelling,"HELP!!! I GOT RAPED!!!"

[Cheddarius]

But if we roll a 3,4,5, (6?) we're dead 
Also, don't do it in a way that will never ever work. We both know what will happen. Why do you want us dead? 

You see, if we do it in a way that would never ever work - for example, trying to kill ourselves by warping the very universe into a singularity where we are - we could get a difficulty bonus.
So we get this roll: 84-1000 = -916. MEGA-UBER-FAIL. Instead of killing yourself, you turn into a god.

[Tylui]

Turn Four (Luck: 0+0, NADA)

>Loot the driver of the wagon

You hear the driver begin to moan and wail in pain and agony about the wood in his arm, but you surmise that since you are laying face down with large chunks of wood in your back in a busy street with plenty of other wagons and people around that this might not be the best time to loot someone recently awakened.

>Check if you can find anything that might have been inside the crate

You see very many burning chunks of wood, cloth, and other wagony parts, but with all the smoke and flame and debris everywhere it's hard to determine what might have been inside the crate.

>See what you can salvage from the burning wagon (Luck: 26+0, XP Gain: 26)

You see a warhammer with some lettering engraved in the handle, but you are stunned and can't move yet.

>Attempt to remove the wood from your back. (First Aid: 42+0, CRITSUCCESS, XP Gain: 42)

Despite the extremely awkward angle, you manage to reach around your back and remove the large chunks of with with ease and patience, being careful to not even leave a splinter! You highly doubt that any professional doctor could have done a better job, but even so, the bleeding from the wounds has increased since there is nothing to stop the flow.


STATUS:

Name: Cretus
Location: Unknown City; on the road. About 100 yards away from crazy lady's house, and just behind a mangled, burning wagon with a waking driver.

Surroundings: (Observation: 23+0, XP Gain: 23): You try to get a handle on your surroundings and you discover that you are in the middle of a road with wagons and people that have mostly stopped to gawk at the carnage of the burning wagon, but there are quite a few that have just kept travelling. Amazingly, no other wagons have wrecked, and no animals were harmed in the making of this turn. There is a warhammer about 8 meters away, in the middle of the broken and burning timber. You hear the driver's waking pains.



Health:
You are in a good amount of pain.

• Right Upper Arm - Cut, Slightly Bleeding
• Gut - Shot, Badly Bleeding
• Back - Wounds from wood, Badly Bleeding

Blood: 5000 / 5600 mL (5225 - 25 - 100 - 100 = 5000)


Skills:
Level 0+

• Strength (38/100)
• First Aid (36/100) (-6+42 = 36)
• Luck (19/100) (-7+26 = 19)

Level 0-

• Observation (-26/-100) (-49+23 = -26)
• Speech (-27/-100)
• Jumping (-45/-100)
• Magic (-51/-100)

Inventory:

• Basic Clothing

>What should I do now?


Please excuse the tense and reference change. It's easier to write this way.

[Flagrarus]

Uhm...We want the warhammer, but we also want to stop bleeding to death 

Use some of our basic clothing to stop the bleeding ( probably tear up a shirt or something, not sure yet what basic clothing we are wearing )

Shout that the driver of the wagon attempted to use his dark magic to kill us

If we stopped our bleeding, crawl over to the warhammer and grab it

[Zyzarda]

Grab the warhammer,go to the yellin bitch,and crush her skull!

[Tylui]

Turn Five (Luck: 29+0 Lucky!, XP Gain: 29)

>Use some of our basic clothing to stop the bleeding, +or better yet, the First Aid Kit that's lying right next to us!+ (First Aid: 24+20(FAK) = 44, XP Gain: 24)

Realizing that you are bleed rather profusely from several different areas, you decide it to be prudent to somehow stop the bleeding. Considering your options(packing dirt into the wounds, using some surrounding flames to cauterize the wounds shut, calling a dog over to lick the wounds), you decide that ripping your shirt apart and tying it around your veinsandshit is a rather good idea. You start tugging at your shirt, trying to be macho and tear it off in one go, but your hand slips! It knocks a box next to you, and confusedly, you look over. Lo! and behold! A First Aid Kit! You reach out to open it, and much to your confusion it disappears as you do so. Angrily, you hop to your feet to figure out where it went. Then you realize that all your bleeding has completely stopped and you feel much, much better! What a strange universe!

>Blame the wreckage on the driver and his black magic skillz! (Speech: 39+0, XP Gain: 39)

Around you, you see several terrified onlookers! A few even look ready to attack, should they have a need. Thinking quickly, before yon driver has a chance to do the reciprocal, you start and eloquent and empassioned fabrication about his use of the gun and his twisted magic to heal and harm at the same time, making it seem like this was your attempt at stealing from him! Even now, that devious driver feigns agony to gain the crowds sympathy! How dare he!

As the crowd is riled up and sympathizes with you, you feel that no matter what happens between you and the driver, the crowd will support your actions. You silver-tongue, you!

>STOP! Warhammer time! (Uhm... Walking and Picking Up?: 32+0, XP Gain: wtf experience in walking?)

You walk over to the warhammer and pick it up without too much ceremony. Hurray.

(I'm actually going to stop right here... I'm not trying to ignore you Zyzarda, I just wanted to let you possibly make some other choices now that things have significantly taken a turn... However, making it back to her house does seem like a good idea!)


STATUS:

Name: Cretus
Location: Unknown City; on the road. About 100 yards away from crazy lady's house, and just behind a mangled, burning wagon with a waking driver. An angry crowd surrounds you, but trusts you and is mostly angry at the wagon driver who "lied to you and framed you". You sneaky devil.

Surroundings: (Observation: -41+0, XP: -41): You learn absolutely nothing about your surroundings.



Health:
You are healthier than something that's rather healthy!

No wounds!

Blood: 5600 / 5600 mL



Skills:

Level 0+

• First Aid (60/100) (36+24 = 60)
• Luck (48/100) (19+29 = 48)
• Strength (38/100)
• Speech (12/100) (-27+39=12)

Level 0-

• Jumping (-45/-100)
• Magic (-51/-100)
• Observation (-67/-100) (-26-41 = -67)

Inventory:

Basic Clothing
Warhammer



>What should you do now?

P.S. Should this be in the RTDs forum? It's not reeeally an RTD, but then again it's not really not one either!