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[piecewise]

Piecewise, you CAN call the cops on people like that.

I've found that the very best thing to do is simply ignore her. Seriously, I've tried practically everything to get rid of her, legal or otherwise, and the only thing which really seems to bring her stalkiness down to "very occasional"  is simply ignoring her. Anything else and she knows shes getting a rise out of me and pushes harder.

[smigenboger]

Either way, it doesn't matter, but if you are against what you and/or she wrote, you could always change the thread title.

Playing it up for attention is something that...well...Armok would do

[Nikov]

So am I to understand you're being bribed and coerced through sex to reveal your secrets to this domineering overprotective violator of your privacy? And that she believes you're a serial cheater and you deny it, only you've already revealed a lack of willpower at resisting feminine charms?

I think the problem here is you, my friend. If you had a pair and were a man you'd not be playing peek and poke with some girl you don't trust just because she's available. You're already showing her you're not in control of yourself; how do you expect to be on even equal footing with her? Its far more likely you'll wind up groveling at her feet every time your cell phone bill reveals a phone number she didn't exclusively whitelist.

Do what I did; dated stone cold chaste for seven years and then married the girl.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Now I wear the pants, she's naked from the waist up after dark, and I'm getting coffee delivered twice daily by the pot, among other domestic services. Beats seven years of dodging herpes and psycho ex's only to wind up with my balls in a prenup jar.

[Jackrabbit]

Half the fun is making the coffee.

This is assuming you grind the stuff yourself.

[Nikov]

Hand grinder. I watch.

[Jackrabbit]

It's not a spectator sport. You're missing out. Get in there and grind that coffee.

Grind it until it submits.

[Footkerchief]

Grind it until it submits.

Thanks for putting us back on topic.

[Nikov]

Hell, I haven't had to grind my own coffee since before my wedding day.

*badum-skkk*

[Jackrabbit]

Grind it until it submits.

Thanks for putting us back on topic.

You know, if I was allergic to sarcasm you'd look like such a dick.

But I'm not. So, I'll let you get back on topic now.

[Pathos]

<snip>[/spoiler]

Nikov is lying.

You know how I know this? No man could avoid sexy time for seven years.

[Acanthus117]

Priests. Well, most of them, anyways.

And some people I know.

[Footkerchief]

Grind it until it submits.

Thanks for putting us back on topic.

You know, if I was allergic to sarcasm you'd look like such a dick.

But I'm not. So, I'll let you get back on topic now.

I was actually being sincere for the sake of a really lame that's-what-she-said type joke.

[Nikov]

I'm too intoxicated to lie right now. Also not a priest. Self-identified Lutheran.

[Pathos]

You know, if I was allergic to sarcasm you'd look like such a dick.

But I'm not. So, I'll let you get back on topic now.

If you were allergic to sarcasm, you'd be choking on your tongue right now from this thread.

[Jackrabbit]

Grind it until it submits.

Thanks for putting us back on topic.

You know, if I was allergic to sarcasm you'd look like such a dick.

But I'm not. So, I'll let you get back on topic now.

I was actually being sincere for the sake of a really lame that's-what-she-said type joke.

Oh. Huh. I thought you might have been. That's embaresing.