Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Renault]

There is a kid who goes to my school; we've been more or less in the same district since we entered school and as such have always sort of floated in the same bubble. He's pretty nice and we've traditionally gotten along fairly well, though never too close.
The problem is that recently hes been getting a tad more, uh, personal. He sends me emails almost daily, always "coincidentally" runs into me outside of class, and apparently has been telling other people about what great friends we are.
Given all this, it sort of wasn't a surprise when he asked me, somewhat awkwardly, out on a date. Being sort of shy myself, I thought it seemed harmless enough and said yes. We ended up seeing a terrible movie, and it was sort of fun, but I never felt any....eh, romantic tension. I thanked him for the evening and made it fairly clear it wasn't going to be anything more.
I guess I made a pretty bad move. Since then, he's hounded me a lot, asking me out more, sending me messages, calling me... I tried explaining that I really was happy to be his friend, but wasn't feeling anything romantic. He just sort of nodded and kept going.
My question is ultimately, is there a way to let him down easy? Should I just wait it out, hope for him to give up? Or what?

[smigenboger]

Oh man this so depends on your personality.

I had to do this to someone who was just to f*ck'in innocent for my tastes, so I could blatantly just say it.

The most entertaining yet harmless thing to do is take an attribute of their personality and say you're into the opposite. 'Sorry, I'm into muscluar/bad/worldly/foreign/more interesting/richer/(bad choice here, romantic)/athletic/diverse guys'

In middle or early high school, you could pull the scene kid card and say 'we are just too different'

To really fuck with him, say 'I want a bf with guages/lip piercings'

[Renault]

Oh man this so depends on your personality.

I had to do this to someone who was just to f*ck'in innocent for my tastes, so I could blatantly just say it.

The most entertaining yet harmless thing to do is take an attribute of their personality and say you're into the opposite. 'Sorry, I'm into muscluar/bad/worldly/foreign/more interesting/richer/(bad choice here, romantic)/athletic/diverse guys'

In middle or early high school, you could pull the scene kid card and say 'we are just too different'

To really fuck with him, say 'I want a bf with guages/lip piercings'

Heh. I find your tactic amusing, but I already sort of tried to explain he wasnt my type. He kept it up anyhow.
And he does have gauged ears. Thats part of the problem, heh...

[smigenboger]

Also, depending on your personality, you could pull the 'I am not worthy!' and the 'Why me?'

It also depends on the situation. At work I was friends with a 26 year old guy and his 28 year old wife, and some socially awkward 18 year old started getting the hots for this guys wife! I wonder why someone would look for lovin's at a distribution center anyway...but I digress

Is this guy socially clueless? Or is he desperate or something? (By that I mean is he going for whomever will give him attention?)

Finally, if you really want to friend-zone a guy, say you're saving sex for marriage, or something stupid and corny like I'm saving my first kiss for that 'special one'

In terms of non-mind f*cks, I guess you can say you're not interested

[Pillow_Killer]

Or you could just tell him to bugger off.

[Red Fortune]

Maybe he doesn't get that what he's doing is a romantic advance?

Just throwing ideas out there, but I wouldn't know anything, I've never even had a girlfriend...

[smigenboger]

try being more muscluar/bad/worldly/foreign/more interesting/richer/romantic/athletic/diverse

jk, it's a matter of exposure to the masses and displaying your tastes and interests

[Shades]

Tell him you like him as a friend but the constant hassling is getting on your nerves and it's no good having friends that get on your nerves. Maybe he'll get the hint that he could ruin the friendship too that way.

[Renault]

Is this guy socially clueless? Or is he desperate or something? (By that I mean is he going for whomever will give him attention?)

In terms of non-mind f*cks, I guess you can say you're not interested

Yeah, thats the problem. Hes nice, but not really good with people at all. I doubt he even realizes how awkward this is for me, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by outright asking him to leave me alone. Nothing else seems to be working, though. I tell him I'm busy, he asks until when and what with. I tell him I'm not looking for anything romantic at the moment, he sort of nods and then picks up again. I told him passingly about Dwarf Fortress and he asked if you could play as Elves. Things like that.
He probably is only interested because I haven't outright insulted him, but I really really don't want to do that. I'm not even sure if I could.
*sigh*
Maybe I could just send him over to the distribution center and hope he gets lucky.

Tell him you like him as a friend but the constant hassling is getting on your nerves and it's no good having friends that get on your nerves. Maybe he'll get the hint that he could ruin the friendship too that way.

I'll try that, probably using your words verbatim. Its really quite true. Hell I havent responded to an IM from him in four hours and he's sent one, consistently, every 30-40 minutes reading *poke* and sometimes with a question mark following it. Its quite much getting on my nerves.
Both were *poke,* just to illustrate how he operates.

[smigenboger]

Now that you have a decision, you must choose the medium. Do you prefer to tell him online or in person?

[Vester]

Online sounds like a very bad, very impersonal method. And since this is someone who isn't good with people, you might hurt him even worse than if you told him in person.

Just my two cents.

(EDIT: Does anyone use that expression anymore? I'm not sure.)

[smigenboger]

Hey Vester, welcome back.

Unfortunately, there's a point you want to help someone, and then the point where they are such a burden, or beyond help, it's not worth the time. If you get past the second point, you stop feeling bad for yourself for letting go of the person who's annoying you just because it will hurt them.

If that makes sense.

[Shades]

Online sounds like a very bad, very impersonal method. And since this is someone who isn't good with people, you might hurt him even worse than if you told him in person.

In person can be better, but it depends on the person. It might be less embarrassing to be told over some instant messenger simply because it is so impersonal.

If I was bugging someone who I valued as a friend because I wanted it to be more I know I'd rather be told than not. And I'm possibly the least socially adept person I know.

[DJ]

Please don't use the "not muscular/bad/worldly/foreign/more interesting/richer/romantic/athletic/diverse enough" line. It'll just mess up his perspective of girls' expectations, so he'll try to act those things and it'll be obviously fake, and girls will reject him for being fake.

You should either be honest and say that you're just not into him, or if you want to soften the blow a bit tell him you're with somebody else.

[psyn]

All advice so far is wrong. Take a clue from this bash.org quote:

lemonlimeskull: One guy keeps following me from chat room to chat room begging to blow me because he found out I live about a half hour away.
lemonlimeskull: Other guy wants to fight me IRL because I posted on a forum that his local band sucks ass.
lemonlimeskull: I'm going to agree to meet the two of them - same location at the same time.
lemonlimeskull: I won't show up, of course - tomorrow one guy will be in the hospital or the other one will be a lot more mellow.
lemonlimeskull: Will keep you posted.

So... clearly what you need to do is introduce him to a friend/sister. It will solve both your problems.