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[cowofdoom78963]

I understand your point, but sometimes you also have to accept that, no matter how hard you try, you aren't going to fit in that "normal" mold.  It's not about finding an excuse.  It's about forgiving myself for having certain weaknesses that I must diligently work to resolve, rather than expecting everything to be solved as quickly as a math problem.

Just dont think you have to have serious mental problems if you are smart.

Nope.  I know loads of smart and stable people.  I just have the unluck to have gotten what seems to be a bit more smart in exchange for a lot more crazy.

It doesn't have to be an exchange! You can have both!

[Vector]

It doesn't have to be an exchange! You can have both!

Not right now, I can't :I  Dude, I simply wasn't born with both, and I don't mind being what most people characterize as "really freaking weird."  Accepting the present doesn't mean that I'm not going to work for a glorious future.  It just means that I'm not going to let my various problems get me down, because I'd rather enjoy the time I have.

[Vulkan]

That's all you can do really.

Accept your problems for what they are, and strive to understand them. Only then can you overcome them.

Hell, I'm pretty much an ex-sociopath myself. I didn't actually kill (or even seriously hurt) anybody thankfully, I was always able to control myself, I just allowed myself to fall into a pit without trying to grasp for the side and climb out.

I definitely think I'm a MUCH better person than I was, however, I suppose in a way it was a good thing that what happened, happened.

[cowofdoom78963]

It doesn't have to be an exchange! You can have both!

Not right now, I can't :I  Dude, I simply wasn't born with both, and I don't mind being what most people characterize as "really freaking weird."  Accepting the present doesn't mean that I'm not going to work for a glorious future.  It just means that I'm not going to let my various problems get me down, because I'd rather enjoy the time I have.

Suit yourself. I think it's a self fulfilling prophecy where you think that you become more unstable as you become more intelligent, while in reality it comes from another source that you have overlooked.

Think of that what you will. Im no psychiatrist.

[Vector]

Suit yourself. I think it's a self fulfilling prophecy where you think that you become more unstable as you become more intelligent, while in reality it comes from another source that you have overlooked.

Think of that what you will. Im no psychiatrist.

Well, depression and anxiety disorders, as well as diagnosable learning disabilities of the autistic and dyslexic varieties run quite strong in my family (in some cases, on both sides).  That's about as much "another source" as you can get.  As a whole, my mother's side has a reputation for being both crazy and surprisingly smart.

So, a combination of genetics and environment, just like everything else.  As I said, I know lots of smart and stable people.  I just have the misfortune to not be one of them for the nonce.

[Siquo]

On the bright side: You could also be dumb and unstable. 

[Thedorfwhostoleyourcoffee]

Wait, I still don't get it.

You're telling me it's NOT normal to dream up ways to kill people and want to bathe in the blood of the people surrounding you?
Oh well, I've never been normal anyway...

[Vector]

On the bright side: You could also be dumb and unstable. 

Yeah, I keep thinking about that   I feel so much better about life, nowadays.

Wait, I still don't get it.

You're telling me it's NOT normal to dream up ways to kill people and want to bathe in the blood of the people surrounding you?
Oh well, I've never been normal anyway...

It's more abnormal for a 5-year old than it is for an older person, especially in the form of obsessive-compulsive thoughts on the subject.  If it's causing you problems, then you might want to go see a psychologist or (at the very least) reconsider the amount of stress in your daily life.  Otherwise, it's not that big of a deal, in my humble and unprofessional opinion.

[Omegastick]

I've always had obssesive compulsive thoughts about killing or beating up the people around me, and how cool it would be. They're sort of a form of amusement for me now, as I try to think of the most horrifying ways to kill the people surrounding me...

[Cthulhu]

I sometimes think about ways I could kill myself or die suddenly when I'm in a public place.  Really crazy, showstopping ways, you know.  I never consider acting on them though.

[s22190]

I Hear you lil brother; I lost my Dad when I was 21 yrs old. I felt pretty depressed for a while and isolated myself as well with CPU games and started drinking heavily... then one day I decided that enough was enough; either I was gonna blow my brains out or I would stop whining, being depressed and will move on with my life.

Which I did; I was already active back then and I got even more into sports, team sports mainly, hockey, volleyball, broomball, etc. As well I forced myself to block out all the negative thoughts I was getting. Soon as I would feel one coming up I forced myself to think about something else. Soon enough I met new people, got out of the house, had a great social life.

My point is, you cant stop, you cant let yourself spiral down like that; whenever I felt sorry for myself and felt like ending my miserable life I would start thinking about all the poor people that get sick, get cancer and all they wanted to do was to live; I would then tell myself that I owned it to them to enjoy life. 

You are 14 now , its gonna sound cheezy, but you got your own life in front of ya; Playing computer game is fun now and then but if this is all that you do with you free time you will end up feeling alone and depressed; Join an improv group, go to karoake place, get out there, meet people, have fun; enjoy the power and freedom of your youth man... chase girls, stay up all night at parties; the point is you gotta get moving because it is not fair to those who will never have the chance to.