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[QuakeIV]

Find some way to bring the military into this.

[Megaman]

Pop Valium and\or play the national anthem in your head

[LordSlowpoke]

Apply flag to flag pole.
Attack commutators with FREEDOM.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We may want to either retreat or pop a valium and go batshit. My plan is to go so batshit, that the universe has no way to stop us without using magical contrapictions. And commobulists are bad at magic.

[V-Norrec]

Or we could attempt a distraction and then stealth.  I like that idea and saving the Valium/batshit crazy when we reach Hell so we can go "DOOM" all over the place.

[Jackrabbit]

Stealth sounds like a really good idea to you right now. You need to get past those bastards somehow. But it also sounds like a lot of work and slightly yellow, an unamerican colour to be sure, so you decide to see if you can make it over the rooftops. Another option is to become a superhero but you dismiss the notion because it's utterly retarded and you feel like you need a ball punching for even considering it. Anyway. You head to the Staff Lounge, thankfully located in the same building, and you manage to not bump into any soldiers or Hellspawn on the way, which you think quite lucky. Pushing your way into the lounge, you come across several corpses in various poses of terror, most of their flesh stripped. Looooverly. The place looks disappointingly empty. There's paperwork, a huge amount of stationary, snacks, a coffee machine and that's about it. Conspicuously, no flag. Was there even one to begin with? Of course there was. You shake your head. How could there not be? Oh, and there's a ladder to the roof for some reason. Odd place for it but then, you're no architect. You place the flagpole down with reverence, climb the ladder and emerge on the roof, avoiding the edges lest you be seen. There's another corpse up here, but it looks like it got up here under its own steam and then bled out. You're confident you won't be discovered up here unless you move too close to the edge of the roof. Looking across to the science wing, you realize glumly that you can't make that jump. Damn it.

You sit back on your haunches and stare out at the ruined town, smoke rising from many locations and the occasional ant-like demon or soldier wandering around in the distance. Wow. Suddenly you realize what you should have been doing all this time is probably trying to raise the military. But at this point, the phone line is probably out. Well, you don't suppose they could have missed this happening, which leads to the even more disturbing idea that they can't actually help out. How wide-spread is this invasion? Why did it start here? Did it start here? You contemplate popping another valium but yet again can't reach consensus with yourself, which doesn't strike you as the least bit crazy. Maybe it should.

You hum the national anthem under your breath.

What do you do?

Wearing:
Mask of Sensibility
PANTS OF LIBERTY
SHIRT OF DEMOCRATIC VALUES
UNDERPANTS OF NOT-FULL-OF-TERROR-SHIT
Steel capped boots
Helmet
Kevlar vest

Inventory:
Wallet ($90)
Wrist Watch (1:39)
Valium (too much)
Scum
Sock ($1000)
Colt 45 (0/0)
Backpack (5 clips - Thompson) (Rations - unAmerican (4))
Water bottle (full)
Thompson (average) (30/3)
Babe Ruthless (PATRIOTIC) (proficient) (bayonet) (covered in blood)

Wielding:
Desert Eagle (slightly better than average) (BULLETS ARE PATRIOTIC) (3/10) (right hand)

Mental State:
Daaa da dadaaa da dada dadaaa da daaa da.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Attract comu-demon horde to the building with thompson fire as a distraction, then slip out the back and head for the science wing.

[QuakeIV]

Alrighty guys, we need to come to an agreement to make something happen at this point.

I guess coin ideas then we try to reach an agreement on what we would all like best.


I say find some big reflective stuff to try to flag the air force or a satellite.

You never know, they might need a good target, and somewhere through which to storm hell.

[The Architect]

I think we need a good distraction. How good is our chemistry? There must be janitor's closets in the building.

Somehow the idea of pissing off people armed with ranged weapons and supported by supernatural monsters and then trying to outrun them strikes me as less than wise. That sounds more like raising the alarm than a competent distraction. So, we've always got the sewer system --there are always many manholes on a campus that size, and it sounds like one hell of an adventure. Or we have making a boom, which can be accomplished with a bit of gunpowder prized from our shells (we do have the option of searching for a toolbox in a maintenance/janitorial closet to find a pair of pliers). We could always look for a PA system and raise an alarm about some Americans attacking nearby. There are plenty of options, so let's get creative!

[mainiac]

I don't have anything useful to say but damn is this thread awesome!

[V-Norrec]

First thing to do is go back to the Lounge and make a nice cup of joe to calm your nerves.  Then drink the coffee.  After the coffee has been consumed, grab the coffee pot and store it in your inventory.  Then grab the flagpole and use it to break open the snack machine.  Take a modest amount of all the snack food available and leave behind a $20 for the inconvenience of your looting to whoever owns the fine example of a vending machine.  Store Snacks in Inventory, then head to a Janitor's Closet or equivalent in this building and take a stockpile of all the chemicals available and recall what made the largest explosion in your high-school chemistry class.

[Megaman]

That  'da daada' seems quite a bit likes Russia's national anthem.

[Jackrabbit]

Upon reflection, I'm not entirely sure that line is part of the national anthem.

Which seems appropriate.

[V-Norrec]

bump?

[The Architect]

GORE!

Well, he could always go out in a bright, short flash of glory. But then we don't get to see the underverse or whatever is waiting beyond that portal. Build ye the holy hand grenade or go to the PA system or something. We're chock full of ideas!

[Jackrabbit]

Having decided upon a fairly lengthy course of action, you set to work.

Coffee beans! Grinder! Hot water! Cup! Strainer! BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED.

You feel much better after a coffee, straight black, like a American man should drink. Indeed, you feel refreshed and relatively revitalized. You store the coffee in your backpack because you're a packrat, apparently. Then, you go grab the flagpole and break into the snack machine in the Staff Lounge, looting a decent amount of food and leaving behind a $20 note. After some thought, you tear the shirt off a deceased staff member sitting next to the machine, leaving unpleasant, bite-like marks all over his torso where flesh, nearly welded to the shirt, is torn off due to your efforts. You write a quick note in blood in order to explain the situation and hang it in the broken machine. It reads "Got hungry. Sorry." Job well done, you head to the janitor's closet, missing the fact that the shirt is positioned in such a way as to completely obscure the $20 bill. Arriving at the janitor's closet, you do a quick search for chemicals and rather handily build yourself a molotov cocktail. Well, that's something, you suppose. Stowing it away safely, you make your way through the building, back to the Staff Lounge and cross the hall, entering the room which you guess is for things other than public announcements but that's really all you care about. Taking care to move the bloody torso off the chair, you sit in it and contemplate the PA system.

What do you do?

Wearing:
Mask of Sensibility
PANTS OF LIBERTY
SHIRT OF DEMOCRATIC VALUES
UNDERPANTS OF NOT-FULL-OF-TERROR-SHIT
Steel capped boots
Helmet
Kevlar vest

Inventory:
Wallet ($90)
Wrist Watch (1:57)
Valium (too much)
Scum
Sock ($980)
Colt 45 (0/0)
Backpack (5 clips - Thompson) (Rations - unAmerican (4)) (All-American certified anti-commie snacks (10)) (Coffee beans bag)
Water bottle (full)
Thompson (average) (30/3)
Babe Ruthless (PATRIOTIC) (proficient) (bayonet) (covered in blood)
Molotov Cocktail

Wielding:
Desert Eagle (slightly better than average) (BULLETS ARE PATRIOTIC) (3/10) (right hand)

Mental State:
I wonder if it still works?