You set about immediately, making plans for your storming of Hell. Wow, sounds odd when you say it like that.
You ask around, but none of the American heroes appear to have any weapons on them. You even ask Abraham Lincoln (evidently not just the founding fathers are present) if he has a Repeating Rifle from the time of the civil war, but he dismisses the notion out of hand as "absolutely retarded". Ah well. You return to Jefferson and ask if he has any patriotic quotes to give you. He smiles, leans close to you, and says:
"One man with courage... is a majority"
Oh God that was so Patriotic you may have wet yourself. Wait, wait...
No, you're clean. Thank goodness for that.
"Prepared, are you?" asks Jefferson.
As you'll ever be.
"Then we shall take our leave. May AMERICA protect you, our most revered savior."
He bows, and begins to break apart from within. A stream of red, white and blue light emits from the cracks appearing all over his body and the Star Spangled Banner begins to play, somewhere deep inside. This is happening to all the others, all over the diamond. The noise is deafening. Soon enough, you're left alone and silence reigns once more. Wow. That was... uh. Reality returns to you like a wave crashing into a wall of sand.
You're fucking planning on fucking storming fucking Hell because the most fucking American Americans to ever walk America fucking told you to.
You almost collapse there for a moment, but you quickly regain your composure. Perhaps it would be best to mull over this situation after you've murdered Satan. Yeah. That's probably the best plan. Logic and reason haven't stopped you yet. You'll be damned if you're going to let them. You take out Babe Ruthless and begin to carve a pentagram into the ground.
Aaaaand a seven pointed star and there, done.
That's a, uh, that's... that's a pretty shitty pentagram. Like, really shitty. A portal to Hell totally fails to appear. Okay, so. That plan is bust. What did Thomas say? Community College? That'd be a good place to start. Or, you could see about finding that book again, maybe taking a dump on it. You know, getting into Hell seems to be harder than it sounds.
What do you do?
Wearing:
Mask of Sensibility
PANTS OF LIBERTY
SHIRT OF DEMOCRATIC VALUES
UNDERPANTS OF NOT-FULL-OF-TERROR-SHIT
Steel capped boots
Helmet
Kevlar vest
Inventory:
Wallet ($90)
Wrist Watch (1:25)
Valium (too much)
Scum
Sock ($1000)
Colt 45 (0/0)
Backpack (5 clips - Thompson) (Rations - unAmerican (4))
Water bottle (full)
Thompson (average) (30/3)
Desert Eagle (slightly better than average) (BULLETS ARE PATRIOTIC) (4/10)
Babe Ruthless (PATRIOTIC) (proficient) (bayonet) (covered in blood)
Wielding:
Mental State:
And I'm in my happy place and this is all totally normal and I am fine I am fine I am fine I am fine I am
Author
Topic: America Prevails (Read 25725 times)