Okay, sirs, tell me what kind of experiments you had in mind.
- Well, it's not exactly what
we had in mind, but more what the King had in mind. He wanted for you scientists here in Lathonstal to try a couple of things out. He's beginning to be bored with the current state of events. He may have err... What was it called again?
* I believe they called it 'computer' or something. Silly name, if you ask me. The inventor -weird guy, calls himself "Jong"- claims it'll revolutionize the way we do things. Says we'll all have one in our bedrooms in thirty years... Says you can play games on it, simulate a human town, as long as you can find some guy crazy enough to punch all the buttons. But we're drifting. The experiments. He firstly wants to know if you could transform a megabeast, like a dragon or so, into a more mundane creature. A cat, for example. This in order to get it pregnant and then to turn it back into the dragon it was, hoping she'll still be pregnant.
Gentlemen, we are men of science. We did not foresee the need of magic. There is no Companion among us. We also do not have the right equipment with us. We packed lightly, in order to survive the long trek to this place. We just have some food and booze. That is all. Dīshmab here will supply us with the needed stone. We have also sent out a peace treaty to all intelligent life, asking not to attack us. We have explained our benevolent means, and they all have agreed. If we were to capture a dragon, the chances are high they will see it as an act of violence. I also highly doubt that any dragon would allow itself to be transformed into a cat, just to see if it could get pregnant
and stay pregnant after the morphing back. I would certainly not like that, would you?
-I guess you're right, Mr. Atīstrīthol. We'll tell the King you've delayed that project for now. The next issue is a demand from the masses. They wish to know if some sort of automatic vertical dwarf transporter could be constructed. We ourselves were thinking of some kind of platform or box, with a rope tied to it. Then some peasants could pull it up.
No, I don't think that'll work. The logistics would be a nightmare! My guess is that we should teach every dwarf how to swim, and then use pressurized water in order to propel him up. It'll be a lot easier than some weird box-and-rope-contraption. But I'll see what I can do!
*... You're the scientist. If you say it's easier, it's got to be true... Anyway, the next project could be a lifesaver for future outposts, but we think the erm... execution of the experiment may be a bit of a sensitive matter... It's about the longevity of dwarves in a fire.
Fire? What's that?
-You know, when you drop some magma on lignite. Those reddish, orangey things that come off of it...
Hmm. Now that you say it, something's coming to mind. I've never noticed that before... fire, you called it?
*Yes, our researchers in the Mountainhome have discovered that it's lethal. It's actually been responsible for a lot of deaths all over the world. Most of Dwarfkind doesn't believe in it, so we started wondering on passive measures that prevent dwarves from getting killed in the heat.
-And when the 'mysterious' deaths were being examined, the investigators discovered that a prime factor in those deaths was clothing. What we want you to do is to find out if that's true. We want to know if a naked dwarf dies any faster than a clothed dwarf. Now, before you protest about how important dwarven lives are, we will provide you with some test subjects. All of them will be criminals of the worst kind. We will send them over here, saying they have to work on the projects here and they'll be free. I must warn you that they are criminals of the worst kind. Each and every one of them has ignored a mandate from local dignitaries. Act with extreme caution.
Hmm... I'll see what I can do. But until those crooks get here, I'm not going to try that. I don't want any of my friends to get hurt, you know.
*We understand your concern, Mr. Atīstrīthol, and thank you for your readiness to sacrifice labourers for the good of Dwarfkind. Then I suggest we go on ahead to the next matter. The King is, as you know, very vain and always lurking about for new things to show off to the Kings of the other Dwarven empires. His newest fixation is something he's calling 'Eternal Fire'. There has been some private research, but for some reason or other, those researching have all died horribly. Their bodies and possessions were all charred, but the nearest magma was tiles away. Luckily, the engravings on which they have described their findings were not affected. Urist is now briefing your workers on the discovered materials.
Oh, yeah. What are your names? I forgot to ask... It's just that I always seem to forget these kind of things. I wonder why that is...
-Well, due to a strange coincidence, he's named Urist as well. And, oddly enough, so am I. But as Urist was saying, your workers are being briefed. Our next project is one to see what the exact distance is a dwarf needs to travel before he needs a drink, some food, a break sleep... Anything, really.
That's going to be rather hard to accomplish, I think. I mean, every dwarf's different. Some are tougher, stronger or more agile than others, Or a combination of those three. And some are more lazy than others, or. Or. Or... There are just too many variables we can't control. I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think we'll be able to do that experiment. Do you have any other projects for us, Urist?
*There's a last one we had in mind. It's one to see how long we can sustain our prisoners in cages. And how long they survive without care. We basically want you to lock up a couple of dwarves and see how long it takes for them to starve or dehydrate, in case of the neglected dwarves; see if they go mad and if so how long that takes. Again, all in the name of science. And only the most harsh and brutal criminals will be sent here.
Well, I'll see what I can do about it. I think the biggest challenge will be to cage them. Is that all? Because I see Stākud is looking a bit anxious.
-For the moment this is all. We'll come around every fall, to see your progress and if there are any more experiments the King wants done, we'll tell you. We hope you'll book some successes to improve the standard of life all over the world. So until fall, then. Goodbye and good luck.
Thank you. Goodbye, Urist... Urist... Urist... Now, Stākud, come in. Tell me what you want to tell me.
Stākud: Erm, Kidiri, Sir, I think you'd better come and have a look yourself. You know about those travellers who said that they've seen Giant Cave Spiders? And how we didn't believe them? Well, a troglodyte was scampering along when he suddenly got caught in a web. And that attracted the creature that made it, a cave spider. But the giant kind...
Kidiri: So I see. I suggest nobody wanders that way. But back to work! There's Science to do! I've got a whole load of experiments that need to be done.
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As you might have guessed, I'll also make it in a story-like thing. But the most important goal of the fort remains the science.
And the computer has effectively been made. It's all Jong's work and I congratulate him on his work, even though I don't understand the least bit of it. Anyway, the first batch of experiments has arrived. It'll take some work to complete all of the preparations and such, but I hope on a decent migrant wave come Spring. I'll make some pump parts and mod a stone I won't be getting to the right specifications. I'll also try and get a cistern going.
can you get a megabeast children if you swap the pregnant race to one?
What exactly do you mean? Change them in the raws (adding the [CHILD]-tag)? Or change them in the raws AND with Dwarf Companion into a dog/cat/whatever and then back? Could you clarify, please?
Experiment name:
Water Elevator
Approved! I'll first try to get them going using purely water pressure. While I'm at it, I'll also try and find the optimal pressure that moves them.
Experiment name:
Flaming Dwarves
Approved, but delayed. I'll need immigrants before I can set them on fire.
Experiment name:
The Eternal Flame
Approved! This one will most likely be completed first (or at least the smallest part). I'll also see at what point the item starts receiving damage.
I am requesting an experiment regarding the optimum distance for a stockpile to be from the meeting area.
Disapproved. I'm afraid that there are too many uncontrollable variables to have reliable results. Sorry!
Experiment name:
Survival in cages
Approved! But delayed. The same problem as with the Flaming Dwarves. I'll need immigrants in order to try this out. I'll start on digging the sustaining pod. Which will just be a room where the cages can be built and sealed off. It'll be in the soil so I can just put the cages in there, along with a dwarf or two who will sustain the test subjects with plump helmets and wine. It'll be rather small scale, something like six dwarves or so, three without food and three with food.
Your fortress name should be "Mythbust"
It should, shouldn't it?
Author
Topic: For Science! (Read 8889 times)