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[Heron TSG]

Recently my house has been plagued by missionaries of the Mormon variety. They are generally nice people, but don't seem to take no for an answer when it comes to converting people. I'd generally just ignore them, but they usually show up mid-day, waking up some of my family members who work nightshifts.

The missionaries shuffle around once per week, so It's difficult to convince them to skip my house. The only plans I've come up with involve sacrificing goats on my front lawn or installing a super-soaker in my doorbell.

Anybody got tips on how to keep them away?

[Cthulhu]

Put a sign on the door, it's not hard.  No solicitors/proselytizers.

Or read up on Jehovah's Witness doctrine and then proselytize to them and give them copies of the Watchtower.

[Hungry]

Besides killing things on your lawn, you can put up signs and such.

[Aqizzar]

Answer the door butt naked.  If they still want to know if you've found God, ask if they'll come inside and help you look for Him.

[Hungry]

oddly that only works half the time aqizzar.

[Heron TSG]

Signs sound nice.

[Hungry]

hope nice works...otherwise some poor goat has to die.

[Heron TSG]

Not necessarily. I have a bunch of bones lying around from roadside ditches, as well as ~10 lbs of goat meat in a freezer. I could fake it.

[cowofdoom78963]

Hang an upside down cross from your door. That should make it clear that they are not welcome and you dont have to kill anything.

[Vector]

Anybody got tips on how to keep them away?

Someone I used to hang out with in elementary school used the "Well, there's only a limited number of spaces in heaven, so in securing yours you're damning others to hell" argument.  Made the dudes cry.  I can't remember if they never came back after that, but it seemed to work pretty well.

[cowofdoom78963]

That's pretty fucked up though...

[Aqizzar]

Someone I used to hang out with in elementary school used the "Well, there's only a limited number of spaces in heaven, so in securing yours you're damning others to hell" argument.  Made the dudes cry.  I can't remember if they never came back after that, but it seemed to work pretty well.

Isn't that the core philosophy of the Watchtower people?  Most of the folks I've met who subscribe to a definite idea of heaven at all would (and do) take the idea that they're getting an exclusive limited seat in heaven as a badge of honor.  Which may or may not be the point...

[Heron TSG]

Well, I don't like to make people cry, although the effect of 'not coming back' would be desirable.

Step 1: Build a sign.

I'll get back to you folks on this later.

[Fossaman]

You may wish to note that Mormons =/= Jehovah's witnesses. Mormons believe that everybody can get into heaven, as long as they follow the rules. So what works on one group of missionaries will likely have no effect on the other.

Also, are they hitting up every house on your street, or just yours? You might have an LDS neighbor that's sending them your way for some reason (i.e. they think you're nice people). I know the missionaries stop by our house to ask for intel on the neighbors every now and then.

[Vector]

You may wish to note that Mormons =/= Jehovah's witnesses. Mormons believe that everybody can get into heaven, as long as they follow the rules. So what works on one group of missionaries will likely have no effect on the other.

Oh, really?  I was told that it was a group of Mormons who got scared off... maybe they were saddened by being mistaken for Jehovah's Witnesses >_>

In any case, I was told the story about 12 years or so ago, so I may have misplaced some of the data.