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[Olith McHuman]

Goblin Snatcher: Ohh, what a fine baby that champion is holding, I think I'll 'rescue' it. Sneak, sneak, sneak, ok, I'll bop the baby on the head with my dagger and stuff him in my bag, ...OOPS!

Urist McBaby has been struck down.

Squad of 15 Champions: EEEK! He killed a baby! RUN AWAY!

[XSI]

Just thought of another one.

Kobold thieves and goblin invaders, the goblins don't even notice if a kobold steals the weapon from their hands, the arrows from their quivers, and I've seen cases where the armour the goblin was wearing was stolen. How can you not notice a single kobold stealing the clothes you're wearing when you have a squad of 5-10 trained and armed friends with you?

[Kadzar]

I have a fort in a saltwater biome. I noticed my dwarves were flashing blue arrows and found the booze stockpile empty. The Dwarven caravan showed up, so I had everyone gather whatever crap they could to trade for booze. Except the caravan didn't bring any booze! So I have a farm plot up and plant some Plump Helmets. Then one Dwarf tantrums and destroys the plot. So all my starting seven die of dehydration.

[NW_Kohaku]

Isn't this what the "facepalm moments" thread is for?

Oh well, just read my posts starting with this one.

It is a summary of a gamer's hair-pulling fury at the insistance of dwarves to kill themselves NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY AND STOP THEM.

Just thought of another one.

Kobold thieves and goblin invaders, the goblins don't even notice if a kobold steals the weapon from their hands, the arrows from their quivers, and I've seen cases where the armour the goblin was wearing was stolen. How can you not notice a single kobold stealing the clothes you're wearing when you have a squad of 5-10 trained and armed friends with you?

Impossible Thief.

He stole it... from the future!

Technically, since this type of theft works off of tags, it might be hilarious if you could heal someone by "stealing" their injuries.

[Cheddarius]

What I hate is when my masons think, "Ah, here's an order for some statues." and promptly set out to find some stone. They see the towering hundred-stone quantum stockpile outside their doorway. They walk straight past the bins of blocks and native platinum. They venture fifteen z-levels down, to the farthest reaches of the map, to find the one piece of diorite they sorely need or whatnot.

[melkorp]

You let your dwarves clean?

Not since the death of the !!McMiner!! brothers, no.

Sig!

[kotekzot]

Just thought of another one.

Kobold thieves and goblin invaders, the goblins don't even notice if a kobold steals the weapon from their hands, the arrows from their quivers, and I've seen cases where the armour the goblin was wearing was stolen. How can you not notice a single kobold stealing the clothes you're wearing when you have a squad of 5-10 trained and armed friends with you?

We're just good like that. Now if only we could find some way to stop kittens alerting your entire fortress to our presence, we'd be set.

[Blargityblarg]

I've had raccoons and macaques effectively disarm entire Shade Elf (modded) sieges. It ain't just kobolds.

[Urist Imiknorris]

The worst Ive seen recently was a pair of legendary of legendary miners who decided to clean inside a new channel. Me, I would think that cleaning a magma channel in the process of filling is a bad idea, but dorfs are ... different.

"Quick! We can not let the magma get dirty, clean, CLEAN!"

And this is why I forbid the stone in the channels.

On an on-topic note, my dwarves seem to have a neverending need to be alone, judging from the number of times they wall themselves in.

[Spectre]

Just thought of another one.

Kobold thieves and goblin invaders, the goblins don't even notice if a kobold steals the weapon from their hands, the arrows from their quivers, and I've seen cases where the armour the goblin was wearing was stolen. How can you not notice a single kobold stealing the clothes you're wearing when you have a squad of 5-10 trained and armed friends with you?

We're just good like that. Now if only we could find some way to stop kittens alerting your entire fortress to our presence, we'd be set.

Another possiblity I like to think of goes like this:

"Hey [Goblin name here]. Do you see that Kobold there fumbling at the swordbelt of our squatleader? Where did he come from?"
"Shht! Dont warn everybody! It will be hillarious to see his face when he wants to draw his sword at the dwarves. "

Goblins are evil like that.

[ToothedCube]

This is from one of my latest forts, 3 different things, all in the same incident:

Urist McMiner was just chilling, digging a channel which would cave in a big chunk of ground on top of an aquifer. Urist McMiner, however, thought he'd be a daredevil and RIDE THE THING INTO THE PIT.
So, next thing he knows, he's facedown in a shallow pool of water, with a yellow wound on the upper spine. Fair enough, I thought, I could just leave him bedridden for a while. I liked this dwarf
My other dwarves, on the other hand, didn't.
They all saw that putting the dropped  pick/debris was more important then helping their friend out of the pool.eventually, one of the dwarves manages to cart Urist McMiner to his room, and eventually, he gets thirsty.

My dwarves start to go out of the fort, get roughly halfway back, figure: "Hey, I deserve a drink!'
they drop the bucket, spilling the water, and focing another dwarf to restart the process.

Pretty soon Urist McMiner realised the futility of living in such a situation and decided to suffocate 

[Spectre]

Urist McMiner was just chilling, digging a channel which would cave in a big chunk of ground on top of an aquifer. Urist McMiner, however, thought he'd be a daredevil and RIDE THE THING INTO THE PIT.

That is just awesome.