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[LASD]

Damn, my writing partner didn't write a word and bailed out. That left me with only around three pages done and three days lost (though DF would've drained those anyway). I'll have to pick up the pace, but I'll make it. I'm up to 7 and 1/5 pages now, which include numerous new characters, a war, interesting bio-techonolgy, a speaking gimmick and a half page rage monologue.

Great, I'm 7.2% done!
Not great, 16.7% of the time is gone!

[Grakelin]

I've got 14 pages, 5,413 words.

[Geti]

@LASD, gutted.. I hate it when someone you're relying on bails.

12 pages. 2.3k words. hmm, too many line breaks, apparently, and still behind on the pages.
Still need to fix up the intro, but that's most of part 1 done. Still need to catch up a day or so tomorrow and then another the next day but at least I'm not swamped an age or so behind. latest is in the drop, last 3 or so scenes need editing, and lots of it, but eh. latest in the drop, did a lot of what you said supermikhail but still not really sure how to do the slugs, so just invented a formatting convention so i can ctrl+h it into submission later

in other news, i'm downloading celtx onto the arch box so I can type from there, which will be nice. the 60MB download that keeps dropping using dial up speed internet is less nice. <_<

Hopefully I can get a giant type-fest happening at some point in the next week or so, but I keep going out to see people. I suppose I can stay cooped up in my room for a day or so though.

Oh yeah, and goddamn you and your 29 pages already.

[Jackrabbit]

Oh man I am so far behind oh shit oh fuck goddamn holiday.

I've only got 7 pages. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

[Dasleah]

Page totals now hopefully updated in the first post. I haven't done shit since last I posted, but that's tonight's job - ignore DF modding for once, and write motherfucker, write.

[mendonca]

Oh man I am so far behind oh shit oh fuck goddamn holiday.

I've only got 7 pages. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Think about it as a positive. You have 4 and 3/4 more pages than me.

I am still going to complete it though ... Just need to find that time to sit in front of the computer and write!

Even if I need to write in a bigger typeface.

[Dasleah]

Calling it a night after putting a solid effort in, methinks. Up to 7 pages written / 10 pages of comic (I have no idea which I should count towards the SF total) which means I'm only 11 / 8 pages behind schedule right now! 

Part of the reason for tonight's less than spectacular output is that RedLetterMedia has seemingly uploaded his review of Attack of the Clones, weighing in at about the 90 minute mark. Seriously, if you haven't seen this one, or his breakout Phantom Menace review (at 70 minutes in length) then do yourself a favour and watch it. You'll learn more about why movies fail from these than any other review / analysis out there.

[Supermikhail]

@Geti...
What have you done!? Where's my favourite internal monologue!?
Although, seriously, that bit you've left is just inexplicable... You know what... Hm

Spoiler: Personal ideas (click to show/hide)

either do one or the other, but I'm so used to the internal monologue, that I'd see the whole movie devoted to Blake's reflections on what's going on.

Other notes: shoot the cutaways at the end of scenes - we expect scenes to change with cuts, unless specified otherwise. Cutaway means that you're going to return to the scene, and I remember an example where two characters were talking on the phone, and there was constant exchange of sets.
Also, soundtrack. It's for an audiodrama, where sound is everything. If my suspicions are correct, in most movies adding music is the second to last part of production. Also, I suspect that for a producer, reading the script, it would just be distracting. It was for me. I don't know what you have in mind. If you specified that you're going for... what... the "Titanic" feel, or the "Lord of the Rings" ... then maybe. But the way it is, it doesn't add to my impression about the script.
Otherwise, I think the script's format is alright. Also, I see the plot is getting thicker.

@Dasleah: You just had to link it, didn't you? Without your help I had very vague idea of where to look for this thing, and didn't bother very much, but now I have to... to... well, I didn't spend much time there. Less, actually, than writing this post, I think.
By the way, am I going to get a bonus for my relentless reviews of Geti's work? I might just agree to a candy.

[Katsuun]

Up to 31 pages. Also, I'd still appreciate it if somebody could tell me how I could upload my script for people to look at.

[Geti]

Hahah, I'll go and fix it all up now, blasting the useless stuff and adding in some proper internal monologue. I've got celtx sort of working in linux, so i should be able to spam whenever I need to.
Also hooray, compiling to pdf is waaaay faster even through wine.

I have no idea of how to repay your criticism, except to offer something similar for you I suppose, not like you'll need it.

@dasleah: upload!

@katsuun: if you're using celtx, down the bottom you should be able to click "Typeset/PDF" and have it compile you up a script, and then click "save PDF" up the top again. then upload it to something like drop.io or filesmelt.

[Katsuun]

@katsuun: if you're using celtx, down the bottom you should be able to click "Typeset/PDF" and have it compile you up a script, and then click "save PDF" up the top again. then upload it to something like drop.io or filesmelt.

Thank you. And here it is (I think), my 31 page, incomplete epic flail.

http://drop.io/ylu9yig

[Geti]

Just read through it all katsuun, too a while but oh well.
Only gripes are sometimes your dwarves are inconsistent in how they speak, sometimes piratey, sometimes ye olde dwarfey, and sometimes kind of mrs higgins in the ladies' case. In any case, cool, very dwarfy. I liked how you handled the fighting.

[Supermikhail]

@ Katsuun
I'm on page 7 now, and I must say - weird punctuation... or rather, wrong punctuation (colons and semi-colons mainly... in italics, whatever they are called... scene descriptions, maybe?).
page 22... What?... I've been caught in the action, but now... wasn't it supposed to be a theatre play? Impalement, cleaving through and vines entangling a character? I rarely go to the theatre, but aren't those pretty hard to pull off onstage. Also, in one scene, elves sit on a tree, and dwarves work further off in the valley. What size do you suppose the stage should be to not make them not noticing each other ridiculous?
Also, again, I rarely go to the theatre, but the gods' banter seems a bit too long and content-free for a movie, for example. e: Now, I understand they are supposed to convey the ridiculous spirit of DF, but on that point I'd like to make a comparison. Compare the madness of your gods to the talk in Alice in Wonderland. While the latter, while seemingly incoherent, brings forth images and allusions, the latter... well, they just banter and reference events the audience wasn't witness to.
page 23. I think lines should continue even after the focus has switched to the interrupting character. Don't you think that an actor stopping mid-sentence will have an unintended comical effect?
page 25. Why do you re-announce the speaker's name while Morun is scribbling? I'd understand if there was a section where he was "not writing".

Overall impression: it becomes almost incredibly solid closer to the end. I became very involved in the Urist and Morun's dialogue. Frankly, feels like a delightful twist.

Uh,... You know what? I'm ready to take on a honorary position of a jury, as my bonus... Head hurts for some reason. Well, I hope people here benefit from it.

Edit: @Katsuun. You seem to mix some script format positions. I thought it looked conspicuous, now I've looked at Celtx theatre sample, and I think I've got it: if a character leaves or enters the stage, you write it in italics in stage direction; if he/she does something other worthy of attention, it's parenthetical. You may want to look into it more... or not, if you're sure, and I just don't know what I'm talking about, which is about right. However, it's my format nitpick for you.

[Dasleah]

Last day of work for the week so I'm expecting a big kick in output through to the end of the week. Right now it's quitting time, though.

Since a couple of people have asked to see it, here's the 12 pages I've got done right now (I've decided to count the pages of comic scripted rather than written as the total towards SF - it may or may not be cheating, but meh) Critique is welcome of course.

[Katsuun]

Thanks for all of the critique guys, now to answer some of it:

@ Katsuun
page 22... What?... I've been caught in the action, but now... wasn't it supposed to be a theatre play? Impalement, cleaving through and vines entangling a character? I rarely go to the theatre, but aren't those pretty hard to pull off onstage. Also, in one scene, elves sit on a tree, and dwarves work further off in the valley. What size do you suppose the stage should be to not make them not noticing each other ridiculous?
Also, again, I rarely go to the theatre, but the gods' banter seems a bit too long and content-free for a movie, for example. e: Now, I understand they are supposed to convey the ridiculous spirit of DF, but on that point I'd like to make a comparison. Compare the madness of your gods to the talk in Alice in Wonderland. While the latter, while seemingly incoherent, brings forth images and allusions, the latter... well, they just banter and reference events the audience wasn't witness to.

Yeah, I didn't pay much attention to the medium I was using when typing this out- I'm just hammering away at the keyboard here more than anything else. I suppose the best thing to do here would be to switch mediums, though I'm not sure how I could do that with Celtix. The banter is important for later, Law of Conservation of Detail and such. This series is intended to have multiple parts (how I'm going to do that yet is beyond me though).

page 23. I think lines should continue even after the focus has switched to the interrupting character. Don't you think that an actor stopping mid-sentence will have an unintended comical effect?
page 25. Why do you re-announce the speaker's name while Morun is scribbling? I'd understand if there was a section where he was "not writing".

Overall impression: it becomes almost incredibly solid closer to the end. I became very involved in the Urist and Morun's dialogue. Frankly, feels like a delightful twist.

They are all speaking at once in that scene. I'll clarify it later. I mention Morun again to prevent the lines from becoming one massive block of text. And thank you  .

Only gripes are sometimes your dwarves are inconsistent in how they speak, sometimes piratey, sometimes ye olde dwarfey, and sometimes kind of mrs higgins in the ladies' case. In any case, cool, very dwarfy. I liked how you handled the fighting.

The accenting is something I have difficulty with maintaining consistency; I'll edit it at some point. And again, thanks  .