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[Geti]

http://drop.io/GetiScriptFrenzy
up to 19 pages. fuck so much to do.. need comments on the newest scene but probably going to rework a lot of it.

[Supermikhail]

Eh, I'm probably still not going to make it on time, but I'll ask fellow posters for advice on some unusual matter:
I need a conversation at a council of a viking lord and his vassals. The viking lord is nothing big, and actually doesn't go vikinging, just lives in his settlement. So, the vassals report current affairs to him. I've got one major plot-related affair, but I need some more for... plugs, I guess. So, help? e: the setting is almost DF world, but more realistic. Like DF beta.

@Geti: leave these comments for after-frenzy. You'll have to ditch the internal monologue, and also, the dialogue, where Blake is flirting with Charlie, seems to drag. I think the proper thing to say about it is that you try to emulate a real conversation, and it's not very interesting to listen to. You need to have less "A-ha" and more content. However, all this bears vocal checking.
Also, about flirting. Now it seems to me that they have more of a father-daughter relationship. But then... we'll see, I guess.

[Geti]

Yeah, I basically just spammed a lot of that before bed, even though I should leave it I'll go back today and remove all or at least some of the crap that doesn't make sense or drags.

The vikings are always off pillaging some place, so you could have them talk of how various raids are going etc, they could have a cheer and probably collective eulogy for the heroes that have died over the past week, but it could get a little blah.
Other posibilities would be:
-internal crimes to be dealt with "x raped y's wife, someone drank all the booze, an elf wouldn't buy my wooden earrings so we put him in a cage what now?" etc, depending on how far you want to take the DF refs
- no actually that's it
I haven't written much viking lit

[Supermikhail]

That's some hardcore current affairs, I was hoping for a more... everyday kind... But, I guess, that's quite everyday for DF. Thanks.

[Geti]

Hah, well, I should probably be taking my own advice and making more drama than is realistic to keep it interesting.
More everyday things would be tallies of crops, ernie and boris being on jury/watch/drinks/whatever and the like.

[Supermikhail]

So, I've watched the RedLetterMedia's Starwars reviews that Dasleah has been spamming around the forums... And I've learnt a valuable lesson - art works best under restrictions. I think if they had cut Lucas' budget to, say, 5 million, it'd probably be better that many times (what was his budget?).
Another observation from those deconstructions - many works of art can be described as carefully constructed scam, because here, I hope, we don't hold any illusions that our creations are constructed based on the rules of the industry (what involves the viewers, what they like, what they hate). And for most part, the viewers won't gain anything from viewing, and actually might get a nerd rage. So I propose that film-makers shouldn't be payed ahead, but rather donated to, like Toady. That'd be some pressure.

[Grakelin]

Also, nobody would be able to afford to make films, and there would be nothing good to watch.

[Lofn]

I think I need to be taken off the frontpage, I have no intention of finishing my script. :/

[IronyOwl]

I think I need to be taken off the frontpage, I have no intention of finishing my script. :/

Think of it as being crucified with shame.

[Geti]

damnit, only up to 22 pages. I NEED MORE HOURS IN THE DAY!
its at the drop, btw. new scene introduces damien. He's got a bit of a scotsman feel to him that I liked, so I went with it. The real plot will thicken soon.

[mendonca]

Come on! put the frenzy in to script frenzy! Only 78 pages to go .. should be no problem. And if you run out of topics to cover, you at least can throw in some viking-based intrigue. Have a flashback or something. To when the Vikings sailed up the Hudson.


Incidentally I have the route to the finish of my story plotted out reasonably well, just a case of filling in the blanks.

Oh yeah, and thats on the premise that by filling in the blanks I can get to 100 pages.

But if not I have a few spare scenes in the locker to shoehorn in. Hopefully, in 56 pages time, I will have actually done this challenge, against all my own expectations. I'll probably have better feel after the weekend.

[Geti]

78 pages is nothing *cue righteous pose*
This weekend and at least some of today is going to involve furious, fingermeltingly involved typing. I'm hoping to be able to pump out at least 20 pages, but I'm not sure how realistic that is.

[Jackrabbit]

I think I'm going to start again with a different idea. Which means I probably won't make it in a month, but that won't stop me from trying.

[Geti]

NEED. TO. WRITE. MORE.
http://drop.io/GetiScriptFrenzy
Only 30 pages in, but I got 8 done tonight, so If I do that for the rest of the time I'll be sweet. 6 pages a night is pretty daunting though.
Some comments on the new scenes would be nice. I'm lost as to why it took so long to get to the pre-mainplot, but I'm happy with the way the actiony bit is working in my head. I'll need to convert the bikeriding scene at the start and probably the getting to the alley part to that format to get some consistency in there.
also rage asdasd etc. I'm going to get this done, even if it does take me longer than it should.

@Jackrabbit: awesomesauce. What's the premise?

[Supermikhail]

@ Geti: I'm in a mood to nitpick on random lines.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

BLAKE

I figured you may as well stay here if you've got nowhere else to be, and you'll need some way of getting in and out. Be careful not to lose it.

Notice, how this strong and interesting character manages to construct a (long... supposedly meaningful) sentence almost completely out of pronouns, modal verbs and prepositions. In other words, the dialogue implies he is unconfident, insecure and cowardly.

DAMIEN
(looking at Charlie)
You're Charlie, then, are you?

CHARLIE
(a tad bewildered)
Yes.

Why? I don't see a cause for his bewilderment shown anywhere. You seem to think that you need to assign an emotion to every character in every bit of dialogue. But, a tad, that might not even show. Plus, actors won't follow your instruction to the letter. So, a tad?

DAMIEN
1600 hours should give me plenty of time, sir.
...
CHARLIE
Back here at 4.

BLAKE
Back here at 4

So, this military jeweler gives time estimate in his weird military language, and these two really need to translate it for normal people. In other words, they again speak without saying anything.

Again, emotions.
BLAKE
(embarassed)

What does it look when she's embarrassed? Every person is embarrassed in his/her own way.

Don't write it like dialogue, when nothing is spoken.
BLAKE
(nods decisively)

Just write.
Blake nods decisively. As action. I would guess it's breaking of the format.

Quick cutting pace - (in the dropdown box above the script) SHOT: MONTAGE

I don't remember Blake ever explaining what her mysterious thenmeans. It's a kind of secret viewers don't like.

So, now I think, I can say that you're wasting your time on an overly long introduction. You're over you first act, and they are just going on adventure.

To summarize my comments, this script is going to take a hell of editing. As with any beginner screenwriter.