A while back I started a game with a human swordswoman whose name I forget (though her title was "the Torrid Griffon of Trade"). I started off in the middle of a city and immediately looted it for all it was worth, which (due to the quaint local customs) resulted in an outfit made entirely out of sharks. I then went to the keep and found a bronze broadsword and an iron whip, as well as some iron armor, though I kept the great white shark leather cape. I got together some local thugs and went out into the countryside to string up a vampire, who was a lot tougher than I expected and who was ultimately brought down by one of my friends. I still hadn't killed anything, but I drank the vampire's blood anyway, thereby becoming the least qualified night creature in history.
Eager to burnish my credentials, I asked one of the blood-spattered peasants staring at the vampire's corpse if they knew of any action in the area, and they told me about the dread vampire Airfishes, who had killed 16,000 in his lust for murder, and who lived in the city I'd just left. Getting a very bad feeling, I headed straight for the keep, and there at the door was jolly King Airfishes, who greeted me fondly and told me all about his darling wife who had died three hundred years ago. Keenly aware that I had never actually killed anything, I called him a night creature, quailed as he rose up in awful majesty, and one-shotted him in the head with my whip.
I then donned his crown of bone (how was this not a dead giveaway, people?) and proceeded to tear through the countryside, immobilizing entire armies with my whip and then slicing them apart piece by piece with my broadsword, until finally Airfishes' general, who had seized power following his death, dispatched me on a dangerous mission worthy of my greatness. I journeyed off into the wilderness until I finally found a tree, on which sat a small wren with three heads. I leaned back against a nearby rock to listen to its song, and it barfed spiderwebs all over me, then tore me to shreds while chirping madly.