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Author Topic: I wrote a book on dwarves!  (Read 899 times)

Supercharazad

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I wrote a book on dwarves!
« on: March 16, 2010, 04:33:31 pm »

Well, not really but I am writing, I wanted to show you guys this to see if you think it is at all true to the game. It's about a hauler named Urist that gets drafted and ends up as a champion, then a noble, then becomes royalty. Here's the first page of the first chapter, spoilered.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Please comment and tell me what you think! :)
« Last Edit: March 17, 2010, 06:58:42 am by Supercharazad »
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Diablous

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2010, 05:06:12 pm »

Interesting...subscribble.
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dwarfguy2

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2010, 05:16:03 pm »

you too?

Mabdug Ulolanam sighed as she sipped sunshine from her artifact platinum mug. She listened as the puny slave reported the news to her. “The goblins have escaped from the zoo, your majesty. They already managed to take down a cat,” he said.
“Yes, yes, well, direct them to the cat chambers, I like my free butchery work. After that, mobilize Tosidokbod to finish them off,” she responded.
“Yes, your majesty”.
Mabdug then decided that she would get some sleep. Tomorrow was the first of spring. The elves were coming. Thank goodness that her giant clock mechanism flooded the depot with magma for her.


                                                                 ***

Osnun Snuspngom was cold, wet and tired. He was supposed to bring down some fortress in the far north that had set up a tiny system of forts to pump magma from one end of the world to the other. Maybe small wasn’t the right word to describe it. At least there weren’t any... oh carp... ELEPHANTS!


                                                                 ***

The imp had just crawled up out of the egg sack near the magma. He was alarmed at the cold, so he jumped in the lava in an attempt to hide.

this is all i wrote so far.
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Grimlocke

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2010, 05:16:18 pm »

Thought upon seeing this threads title: Oh god someone did it... Im so reading this.

But not an actual book yet. Too bad.

Anyhow for constructive criticism: its accurate, but its more of an explanation of your avarage dwarf fortress than an actualy story. Though it is of course just the first bit.

It also sums up a bit too much when explaining the layout of the fortress, after you discribed the main hall. Makes it read like a washing list ::)

Maybe you could put it some more detail in the disbriptions. Make him talk about some table that some nut once made from bones, the stack of booze in the middle of the main hall, etc. Just put in things that arnt immediatelly visible in the game, but that make it easier for the reader to immerse in dark, miserable and boozefeuled world of your hauler dwarf.

Also, you could put an actualy plot summary here. Makes it easier to comment on the actualy story.
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I make Grimlocke's History & Realism Mods. Its got poleaxes, sturdy joints and bloomeries. Now compatible with DF Revised!

piecewise

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2010, 06:28:28 pm »

Thought upon seeing this threads title: Oh god someone did it... Im so reading this.

But not an actual book yet. Too bad.

Anyhow for constructive criticism: its accurate, but its more of an explanation of your avarage dwarf fortress than an actualy story. Though it is of course just the first bit.

It also sums up a bit too much when explaining the layout of the fortress, after you discribed the main hall. Makes it read like a washing list ::)

Maybe you could put it some more detail in the disbriptions. Make him talk about some table that some nut once made from bones, the stack of booze in the middle of the main hall, etc. Just put in things that arnt immediatelly visible in the game, but that make it easier for the reader to immerse in dark, miserable and boozefeuled world of your hauler dwarf.

Also, you could put an actualy plot summary here. Makes it easier to comment on the actualy story.

There are dwarf books

http://www.amazon.com/Dwarves-Markus-Heitz/dp/0316049441/ref=pd_sim_b_1

http://www.amazon.com/War-Dwarves-Markus-Heitz/dp/0316049360/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268781867&sr=8-2

Rowanas

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2010, 06:55:06 pm »

The Markus Heitz Dwarves book is very good. If you like dwarves (and it's safe to assume that you do) you should read it.
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I agree with Urist. Steampunk is like Darth Vader winning Holland's Next Top Model. It would be awesome but not something I'd like in this game.
Unfortunately dying involves the amputation of the entire body from the dwarf.

Mel_Vixen

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2010, 08:39:43 pm »

Um Markus heitz? Not the best fantasy writer. His dwarves are bullshit and a rip-off of his aeternitas-plot from the shadowrun Series.
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Rowanas

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2010, 08:53:17 pm »

Hey, it was entertaining and the dwarves were lively and interesting characters. If you've read a better book about dwarves (except the hobbit, which is actually about the countryside, with some plot about dwarves thrown in to string all the countryside descriptions together) then go ahead and tell us.
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I agree with Urist. Steampunk is like Darth Vader winning Holland's Next Top Model. It would be awesome but not something I'd like in this game.
Unfortunately dying involves the amputation of the entire body from the dwarf.

praguepride

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2010, 08:57:28 pm »

Those books look pretty badass in a dwarfy way!
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Man, dwarves are such a**holes!

Even automatic genocide would be a better approach

Supercharazad

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2010, 07:00:44 am »

Well, I revised it and wrote the rest of the intro, I also changed the title, the next chapters should be more exiting as this one was just an explaination of what a fortress is and how our lowly hauler thinks he will just be a hauler.
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Labs

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2010, 08:05:23 am »

This inspires me to contine writing my story. Nice writing by the way. I'll definitely be following this.
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dwarfguy2

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2010, 08:10:02 am »

who likes mine?
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Lmaoboat

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Re: I wrote a book on dwarves!
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2010, 08:38:35 am »

Dwarf Fortress: Repercussions of Fun

Urist McStalvern waited. The torches above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There was monsters in the fort. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Mayor Joson were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a Marksdwarf for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the wagons and he said to dad "I want to be on the caravans daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY FUN"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the fort of the Boatmurdered he knew there was fun.
"This is Joson" Joson yelled. "You must fight the monsters!"
So John gotted his crowsbow and deconstructed the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the monsters
"I will shoot at him" said the fire imp and he fired the fire flames. John crossbowed at him and tried to puncture him up. But then the ceiling caved in and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the monsters " he shouted
A voice yelled "No, Urist. You are the monsters"
And then Urist was a carp.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2010, 08:41:44 am by Lmaoboat »
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