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[Dwarven WMD]

Alright, recently, for some unknown reason, our current unit in Social Studies is the United Kingdom, and what's more, how it evolved into present day.
Well, I have a habit of playing on my computer and doing work at the same time. Recently, while doing one of the assignments, and playing Dwarf Fortress, I thought of something. What the hell would it be like if the civilizations in Dwarf Fortress ever actually became scientifically advanced?

The thought literally made me shudder.

[Lightning4]

I dunno. The thought of using masterwork nuclear bombs sounds kinda fun.

[Acanthus117]

Or masterwork cluster bombs.

[Dwarven WMD]

I dunno. The thought of using masterwork nuclear bombs sounds kinda fun.

Urist McBush has died of radiation sickness!

[Labs]

So would using the Artifact bombs cause the creator to go nuts?
 
Goblin has died in the heat                                                            x10
Urist McEinstein has gone insane

[SkyRender]

Far more interesting would be the result of Dwarves trying to make a bio-weapon.  Given how easily they get distracted, you can imagine how it would go.

Urist McScience cancels Build Virus Bomb: getting food.
Super-anthrax has been released in your fortress!
An animal has died of poisoning.  x116
A Dwarf has died of poisoning. x182
Your fortress has crumbled to its end...

[Retro]

Urist cancels work: Internet.

[Lightning4]

Urist cancels work: Internet.

Wouldn't work. They would see that the internet is made of cats and react accordingly, whether that be with mass butcher orders or copious amounts of magma.

[Acanthus117]

Or they would be caught and killed by ze cats.

[LegoLord]

Urist cancels work: Internet.

Wouldn't work. They would see that the internet is made of cats and react accordingly, whether that be with mass butcher orders or copious amounts of magma.

I don't care much for  the lyrics, or the song, or the memetics of it, but the cats in it sure are adorable.

[bombcar]

All are borrowed.

Here is a cat trying to activate a cage trap:

http://www.youtube.com/user/mugumogu

[o_O[WTFace]]

They already are far more advanced then us. 

Quantum Stockipiles - Extradimensional storage
Shooting 20 bolts in the time it takes an enemy to run halfway to a champ marksdorf - full auto crossbows
One legendary planter feeding 200 dwarves, without light, on an inch of mud left by some water - High tech farming
Dig out a basic fortress in a few days and destroy half the stone while your at it - Mass energy conversion?  Dumping rocks into another dimension?  Relativistic mining speeds?  My guess is they just eat all the rock but thats futuristic too
Spar for a year then wrestle a dragon to death - Remember in the Matrix where Neo gets fighting skillz downloaded into his head? 
Outrunning arrows - Matrix again, only the dwarves haven't quite figured it out yet.  When they do its called insanity
Eat once a month, drink twice a month - High efficiency biological ethanol fuel cells.  They only eat to get vitamins and stuff, and because it tastes good and because it makes the elves mad.
The Bloodfist - duh
Atom Smashing - duh
Kitten leather armor - advanced materials science required for durable cat leather, more advanced science required to get enough of it from 1 cat (probly involve rocks). 
Smoothing + Engraving stone by hand - Yes
Forging steel items by hand - Yes
Linking a lever to a bridge using 2 rocks - Quantum entanglement
Unbreakable walls/supports/equipment - no materials science involved, they just ask the rock/metal nicely not to break, or threaten the wood/bone with fire and torture. 
Currencyless economy - debit/credit chips come built in with each dwarf!
Mermaid factory - Why are mermaid bone crafts so valuable?  Becuase each one has 1/3 of a mermaid soul bound to it.  Ethics sold separately! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bison_skull_pile,_ca1870.png
Renewable Energy - Magma, Windmills, Waterwheels, plump helmet ethanol, even renewable WMD (lava).  But don't worry, they destroy the natural environment anyway as a matter of principle.
Room Beyond Space - space is so last century
Perpetual Motion power plants - burns entropy as fuel.  God of Blood > God of Physics
Mechanical Computers - civilization wide precautions against hostile AI

[praguepride]

Mass Kitten Slaughter = renewable food source

[Grendus]

Mass Kitten Slaughter = renewable food source

What's more, all their "animals" are photosynthetic. And apparently eat nothing, drink nothing, and are born at almost adult size. That's either some seriously advanced bioengineering or something like Avatar where all the technology is just provided by nature.

On chemistry, dwarves have found a way using only magma (which, by the way, doesn't kill them with toxic gasses or heat) to separate the various oxides and other impurities from metal ores without carbon as a reducer. The only time a dwarf needs carbon is when it's a part of the alloy itself. They also form metals into bars without molds. However, their recycling technology blows chunks, melting down materials produces less than it took to make the item and any metals decorating the object are just gone.

Dwarves have mastered teleportation as well. If you embark in an area that no other race can reach, dwarves will still come to trade and migrate. Either they have mastered mass transference or have something like the Half Life 2 dimensional teleportation thing.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Urist McResearcher cancels research: Interrupted by unforseen consequences.

[piecewise]

Urist McNerd cancels life: Playing Human Town


And then we hit some sort of infinitely recursive singularity and the universe collapses