Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Untelligent]

I've converted my depot into a drowning chamber so I can attempt to persuade the elves to attack me. I recently carried out the first successful run; successful in the sense that the depot room actually flooded anyway. Sadly, the fountain below the depot I used as a water source was slightly smaller than the depot and only about half-full anyway, so the water ended up spreading out in the depot room to about 3 or 4 levels deep. Hardly enough to keep a carp alive in, let alone drown an elf.

Anyway, about half the traders were flushed into the fountain with the backwash when I reset the trap, which I'm pretty sure if nothing else grants me bonus points. Even after I refilled the fountain, though, the elves didn't die. I guess they can swim or something, or maybe if there's open space on the level above the water you can breathe if you're not wounded enough.

So I leave the elves and their donkey whore down there for a while and forget about them. A few weeks later, one of the elves finally goes beserk. The fountain turns red. Yay!

But, I leave them alone for a minute and come back, and I find an elf corpse and a wounded donkey on the rim of the fountain on the level above. I'd give the elf a wooden trophy, but the elf apparently drowned or something silly like that.


The donkey, freed from erotic slavery, now wanders my fortress. The unit list describes him as "friendly."

[MacaqueAttack]

Important question;

Were the elves girls?

[NW_Kohaku]

The donkey, freed from erotic slavery, now wanders my fortress. The unit list describes him as "friendly."

Umm... EROTIC slavery?

[Don Blake]

The donkey, freed from erotic slavery, now wanders my fortress. The unit list describes him as "friendly."

Umm... EROTIC slavery?

He previously describes it as a 'donkey whore'

[NW_Kohaku]

... I guess I just never considered that people would think elves would automatically love animals THAT much...

[kilakan]

Who else do you think is responsible for creating all the mules?

[NW_Kohaku]

... horses?

[kilakan]

no no no no, see elves can grow armor right?  How do you think they got that power?  By growing wood all day long.

[NW_Kohaku]

... Mommy, I can't understand what this man is saying, can you explain this to me?

[EliDupree]

Important question;

Were the elves girls?

There's already a donkey involved, and THIS is what you care about?

[Akura]

*A payphone rings. You pick it up.*

"A thieving kobold has stolen a wagon full of recent editions my latest publication hot off the presses. But the idiot left the back door open, and now copies of 'Donkey does Kuletedos Bedok Deshir' volumes 1, 2, and 3 are all over the roads. Get a wagon, pick up the fallen magazines, kill that freeloader, and deliver them to Urist's Under the Table Books in Kekimlogen before they're supposed to go on sale! Ay caramba!"

[MacaqueAttack]

Important question;

Were the elves girls?

There's already a donkey involved, and THIS is what you care about?

I'm more interested in elf girls mud wrestling near a donkey than elf boys.

[EliDupree]

Bad luck then - the elves were adults.

[Caesar]

I'm more interested in elf girls mud wrestling near a donkey than elf boys.

Personally I'd prefer to just flood them with magma, cast them into obsidian and then throw their corpses into the mud.

I'm a dwarf, after all.
Jus' giv' me me beard'd tav'rn wench and b'gone, plant-lovin' rascal!

[buckets]

*reads thread*

O_O