Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Vector]

I'm going to request replacements in all the games I'm in that do not currently appear to be lyloing (I//S//E and iPick, to be precise).  I'll mod BMIX to the end, of course, and I feel it would be rather irresponsible to ditch BYOR3 at this late date.  I will try to continue playing until replacements can be found, but unfortunately I really have very little time, as is outlined below.

The reasons for this sudden change of heart are twofold: first off, I'm not really having fun; second off, any time spent doing things that aren't math is time spent being extremely anxious.  This includes "time spent walking places" and "time spent eating" (though I seem to be sleeping all right for now), so naturally it includes "time spent playing Mafia."  I'm sure you've noticed that I've seemed a bit more distracted and lurky of late.

I have certain suspicions that the first reason is related to the second.  I don't really know what's happening with me, but I'm really sick of this constant paranoia and fear--so I'm doing what comes naturally and studying until I'm not at all frightened, even if I don't know whether or not such a day will ever come.  Don't know what else I can do, but hopefully something will occur to me.

Well, anyway.  See you around, and hopefully we'll meet under better circumstances in the future.

[dakarian]

On the one hand, I can understand wanting to focus more on your studies and I wish you luck on them.

On the other, I do worry about that anxiety.  Even if your studies are weighing on you, remember that rest and relaxation (and eating) are tools to HELP you in your studies.  Think of them like going to the gas station or for an oil change: the time you spend there isn't time getting to your destination, but without both you WON'T get there at all.

If this is still it, though, then know it was wonderful playing with you ,and I hope you take care of yourself AND succeed in your goal.

[Pandarsenic]

[Everything Dak said goes here]

Plz2b feeling better soon. :c

[ToonyMan]

What Pandarsenic and Dakarian said.

[Mephansteras]

Don't kill yourself for your studies, Vector. School is important, but it's not more important they you.

[webadict]

Knew it.

[RedWarrior0]

I hope everything goes well for you Vector. I think I can speak for us all that you'll be missed in the Mafia subforum and always be welcome here. Also, what dakarian and meph said. Of course, if playing Mafia isn't fun, then it's understandable for you to drop it.

Finally, a therapist can help. I can say with confidence that they can ease stress enormously, just having someone to talk to about stuff. Humans are social animals, and while hopefully the community here is good, it's nice to speak to someone face to face. And taking breaks is good for you.

[Vector]

Things I discovered:

The stress problem was due to having almost zero social contact for three weeks (I thought the schoolwork was bothering me--but no, it was the lack of people.  WTF, brain).  Now socializing is on the list of required daily activities, right under "sleeping at least 7 hours," "eating food whenever hungry," and "inhaling oxygen."

Man, I hate my brain sometimes.  It didn't tell me I was lonely (I still don't feel lonely, or even remember feeling that way); it just hit the panic button some kajillion times and suddenly made everything suck.  It also informed me that I really, really didn't want to socialize with anyone when I was so stressed out >_>  Good job, brain.

I'll likely get back to playing a few games of Mafia once I have some idea of how to work my schedule, in other words.  For now, I have to make sure I can get enough socializing done in real life to keep me from going insane again.

Finally, a therapist can help.

Yeah--I went in for emergency counseling yesterday, but in general my parents are extremely anti-therapist.  When I went last year, they made fun of me and tried to bully me into quitting every time I finished a session.  There's a reason why they'll never know what I ended up diagnosed with >_>  It's... not a pretty situation.

I'll go if I need to, of course, and I have someone I'll be seeing in three weeks or so in hopes of learning how to stop being so freaking paranoid, and how to make some friends.  Any more than the 5 free university counseling sessions, though, and I'd have to spill the beans to my parents--so hopefully I'll be mostly better by the end of that.

[Pandarsenic]

Vector's brain as I now imagine it:

Dear Vector,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAHHH! AHHH! AH!


AH!

AH AH!

AH!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

SAKLGJLADKGLKDAGLKDSAJFLDKLSKDJGlKSDHGKLJ!!!!!!oen!!1!

Sincerely, yer Brainmeats.

[Vector]

^ Pretty much that.  When I came out of general anesthesia after having my wisdom teeth removed, the following ensued:

1. Screaming
2. Vivid hallucinations
3. Randomly speaking in English and Japanese
4. Writing proofs that the universe was not, in fact, about to disappear (that would be why I had been screaming).

The above is pretty much "Vector's mental functioning when all the self-control systems have been removed."  I feel so freaking sorry for my mom sometimes ._.

[Pandarsenic]

Yer mother is crazy (at least to you) by all accounts. You probably shouldn't feel sorru. <_<;

[webadict]

^ Pretty much that.  When I came out of general anesthesia after having my wisdom teeth removed, the following ensued:

1. Screaming
2. Vivid hallucinations
3. Randomly speaking in English and Japanese
4. Writing proofs that the universe was not, in fact, about to disappear (that would be why I had been screaming).

The above is pretty much "Vector's mental functioning when all the self-control systems have been removed."  I feel so freaking sorry for my mom sometimes ._.

In general, I try to remove all non-vital brain functions. Saves on space!

[Eduren]

Do what you need to Vector. Only you know how to live your life.

Just know that we care about you.

[dakarian]

As far as the 'I need social but I didn't think I need it', I have a problem with that and food.  I can literally go for a full day without eating anything and barely notice, especially when stressed but many times without.  The good thing is that once you identify what you actually need you can work around your brain to get to it.

As far as mafia, feel free to do as you wish including the occasional post.  Do NOT let Mafia get in the way of your studies.  We'll hold the fort fine while you're gone. 

As far as therapy and your parents.. UGG though I'm glad you are looking into it.

Meanwhile, just remember that though your mind really is powerful (those that say "Oh it's all in your head.  Get over it" really need a SLAP in the face.  That's like saying "It's just pneumonia, get over it!" but even more silly.) you are NOT your mind and, in the end, you DON'T have to stand for it's BS.

[Vector]

As far as the 'I need social but I didn't think I need it', I have a problem with that and food.  I can literally go for a full day without eating anything and barely notice, especially when stressed but many times without.  The good thing is that once you identify what you actually need you can work around your brain to get to it.

^ The food part used to be me, too, until I realized I'd rather be capable of more than 3 hours of hard thinking >_>  And yeah, I'm trying to work around my brain, though I'm not at all accustomed to needing to go out of my way for socializing.  This is pretty much the first time in my life when I've really wanted to talk to people.

As far as mafia, feel free to do as you wish including the occasional post.  Do NOT let Mafia get in the way of your studies.  We'll hold the fort fine while you're gone. 

Hah, Mafia's not getting in the way of my studies at all.  I'm pulling down straight A's >_>  It's more that I need to spend some time fixing my mental health, because I seem to be heading into the crazy zone again at full speed (I play terrible Mafia when I'm crazy, anyway, so it's not like y'all are missing out on anything).

Meanwhile, just remember that though your mind really is powerful (those that say "Oh it's all in your head.  Get over it" really need a SLAP in the face.  That's like saying "It's just pneumonia, get over it!" but even more silly.) you are NOT your mind and, in the end, you DON'T have to stand for it's BS.

Yeah, I'm trying... as someone told me, I'm currently getting screwed over by the echochamber effect.  I need to get some people to compare against myself and give me some external input, or I'm going to hit a nasty tantrum spiral.

On the other hand, I know why I did this to myself, and it had to be done.  I've learned with absolute certainty that I can't wall myself off from the rest of humanity, no matter how much I want to... so no matter how much of a pain everyone is, I'm stuck firmly by the side of the human race forever.  Ah, well.  It's a hell of a lot better than being alone.