Don't you agree I'm better than you?
Look at me. Hell, look at who I was on January 28, after the flag burning, when I realized my true name. I'm more passionate. Hardier. More charming than you ever fucking dreamed of being. You founded the Liberal Crime Squad and led it until your death on June 19; from that day, I picked up the ashes and carried through... why, for a longer period of time than you. I've done more than you. Recruited more than you. Achieved more than you. Lived longer than you. And how can my faith not grow stronger, with every passing day, in knowing I will live until the Nightmare is abolished? Surely you, my fallen Comrade, can see that. You cannot help but acknowledge my superiority. I have continually succeeded where you have failed.
Naturally, I am not saying you were worthless. How could I? There is no other man greater than you were. You were the foundation, the rock, Brother. You picked me up, showed me the light, and gave me the room to grow in your Martyrdom. No other living being deserves as much honor and praise. You were the Light and Truth, and I will ensure monuments are made in your honor when our country is free from tyranny.
But I'm still better than you, and I'll prove it to you tonight.
That's who I was on February 25. See how quickly I improved? And learned? The massive warchest of money I endeavored to earn had been put to outstanding use in educating the Liberal Crime Squad. We didn't need to stay low, had no fear of the Conservative masses, knew they were still panicking and preparing for our next assault, but we bettered ourselves regardless. And, on that day, nearly a month after the teaching programme had begun, I took
Revenge out for a go at the AM Radio Station.
How fitting, yes? The station where you died? Do you remember? You never faltered, never surrendered, not even in the face of superior numbers, but Lady Liberalism hadn't been enough to save you. Well, even in my greatness, I am not filled with such hubris as to go it alone. The battle squad went, equipped in their battle gear, and we resolved to eradicate the Conservative threat.
We looted the entire station before proceeding to the recording booth.
I do believe we managed quite well for ourselves. Don't you?
Naturally, we did not evacuate the station immediately. Instead, as we neared the exit, we slowed down and bided our time, awaiting the Evil response inexorably approaching.
We greeted 'em with a bang.
Or three.
Honestly, I don't recall.
But we didn't leave until we (and the station) were stained with backwoods gore.
Look at what our successes were, Grimith. Can you deny how great, how superior our actions were to yours?
But the Arch-Conservative government continued to cling to power.
And the states were not yet unified enough to shatter the despotic stranglehold. So we resolved to continue to fight.
March 8. Are you witnessing my growth, my continued progress and prowess within the Glory of Liberalism? Unfortunately, not all of the Dozen Liberal Legion could grow as I had. Our operation that day took us to the local Aluminum Factory, and I insisted Doc and Hugo remain behind in order to rest and recuperate their Liberal Strength. Rachelle and Selma filled in for them.
They did not perform as well as I had hoped.
Selma had carelessly alerted the Corporate Supporters before we took four steps into the building. Seriously, what a dumb, careless bitch. I didn't care about how little field experience she had; in all of our training sessions, she should have known better than to leave her fucking shoelaces untied. If I were any Wiser, I would have blown her head off then and there! She compromised the mission and jeopardized the lives of the entire squad.
I ordered the squad to proceed as planned, so, while we eventually ruined the entire factory, we were forced to encounter the Death Squad Officers-in-Disguise (known as "SWAT Teams").
Rachelle had the accuracy of a Hick. Or Yokel. Some sort of incompetent^2 automaton.
Selma continued to prove her uselessness.
And then we found ourselves painted into a horrible, horrible situation.
Attempts to resolve the situation favorably didn't turn out so well.
"Well, maybe that's the problem, you dumb bitch! NOW SHUT UP."
"You don't hear Halceon bitching, and he's had flesh shot off his face!"
Unfortunately, she took my
shut up command far, far too seriously.
But she managed more usefulness in death.
So much usefulness, in fact, that Rachelle decided she'd be better off joining Selma. Two more martyrs for the list.
A pathetic showing, no doubt. Yet we killed far more and had done more damage to the Corporate Menace than we had suffered in losses. I didn't stay disappointed for very long; the death of Rachelle and Selma provided new recruitment opportunities.
I located a veteran of minor political importance. He was more than thrilled at the prospect of throwing his lot in with the Liberal Crime Squad.
I also found a judge who wanted to shed her cloistered life and run free with wild abandon. From the day I recruited her, she insisted I call her
Wenchy. Even now, I cannot help but smile at the thought.
After allowing
Revenge the time to restore their health, I commanded the squad back to Scott Cosmetics, where we would free fluffy bunnies and save them from the horrid wrath of Conservative Science.
Because, seriously...
Fuck Science.
We made our escape scant moments before the incognito DS arrived. The police units who had arrived on-site to secure the premises had no chance in preventing our escape, even as loaded as we were with automatons for Enlightenment.
They became the New Project.
And the first broke, under my care, after four days. To celebrate, I made sure to make a stop at Hope's Pawnshop and acquire Liberal Funds.
Naturally, these were put to good use in reeducating the other automatons...
...until:
The government, as always, shit over everything. So we gathered together and put the situation to a vote, taking into account what we had done every other time an automaton had been discovered missing and its effectiveness. The choice was obvious: Release them, as we had released all the others.
Because, honestly, what was the government going to do?
Siege our safehouse?
Can you recall how effective Conservative sieges on our Liberal Strongholds have been? Can you, Brother?
They've killed, what? One man, Issac? And recovered Cesar's hidden body?
Yeah, we were scared.
We were even horrified.
And a tad mortified.
Terrified, though? Not so much.
Naturally, the Conservatives weren't finished with us. It merely took them two weeks to make their return.
Naturally, we were there to blow them to smithereens in an hour.
With incompetents like those "safeguarding" our country from terrorism, I am not surprised as to why I never before in my life felt protected and safe.
We just resolved that siege this morning. While the others are cleaning up after the massacre and taking stock of our new inventory, I decided to take a break and come back to talk to you. Because, even though I'm better than you - and how could you not believe such to be true after the Heartful Knowledge I presented for review? - you were my Liberal Mentor, and I respect you for all you have done for the Cause. With the abilities and skills at your disposal, you did all you could to ignite the Fighting Spark, and I seek to remind you during these sessions that your sacrifice was not in vain. Indeed, had you lived after that fateful day, I may not have had the opportunity to come in my own, may have been limited by my former life of thought, may not have expanded and performed as exceptional as I have in service of Lady Liberalism. So, truly, my Brother, I do not lie when I say I thank you so dearly for your sacrifice. I love you for what you did, and, even though it may be many more years before I leave this life, know I will continue to regale you with stories and look forward to a hearty drink in the next life.
Until then, Grimith: Prost!
Pariah, Audiolog: END.
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Topic: Let's Get On With It - Liberal Crime Squad: A Let's Play Adventure (COMPLETED) (Read 110015 times)