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[Tazgrent]

"Sir, the cook was leaving the kitchen with a newly prepared batch of +Dwarven Syrup Roast+ when someone attacked him and pushed him into the magma!"

Inspector Urist Caruso: "Looks like the food he was carrying was out of the frying pan.." *puts on +green glass sunglasses+* "and into the fire."

YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[ToonyMan]

We still got problem.

[Itnetlolor]

We have found the remains of what happened to be a dwarf, and the river runs blood red. The dwarf seemed to be melancholy according to reports; but was ordered to fish last the mayor mandated. Something seems fishy here...

No. :puts on glasses: It was Carpe Diem.

YEEEEEEEEAH!!!!

[sonerohi]

It seems like a triple homicide with a later on suicide. There are 500 thousand different body parts and buckets of blood everywhere. We know that his wife cheated on him.

Looks like things *glasses* got torn to YEEEEEEEEEAAAH!!!!

[Strife26]

The opening of the new waterfall/drinking system was marred by the death of Count KoganNoble


I suppose that *glasses* all's well that ends well . . .

[Euld]

Reclaiming force leader: "Everyone is dead and we've found all the bodies, but Urist McOblivious is missing.  The rest were definently murdered by goblins and beserk dwarves, but McOblivious didn't leave a body..."

Reclaim inspector: "The atom smasher was left running.  It seems McOblivious *sunglasses* took one last stroll."

[Jackrabbit]

So the overflow lit him on fire, and he burned to death next to the magma flow. We don't know if it was an accident.

Looks like he *glasses* burned to death in a shockingly unpleasant way. It's a a tragedy, when you think about it. Quite frankly the safety procedures here are lacking.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And then later, I post a real one

[ToonyMan]

You might say....puts on glasses he's "rabbit-like".
YEAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

[silverskull39]

"Urist McBeardsly was installing a magma forge when he tripped over his beard and fell in."

"looks like he was having..." *Glasses* "A bad beard day"

[jvempire]

And then there were cats. Lots of them.

The end.

[Itnetlolor]

There were remains of elves all over the trade depot, and the doors were 'accidentally' locked. The trade master denies any claims, and has one heck of a collection of vermin.

It seems he didn't *glasses* give a rat's ass.

YEEEEAH!!!!

[Cthulhu]

After requesting the dwarves cease harming the forest, several oak ballista bolts were fired from fortifications, killing them all instantly.

Looks like they couldn't see the forest *Glasses* for the trees.

[Solifuge]

"...so let me get this straight. Compound fractures to the skull, legs, and arms, and then found drowned, stuffed in a bucket in an underground river... and somehow you think we can rule Dastot's death to suicide?"

"Strange as it seems, we've got the testimonies of three dwarves backing this one up, Kogan. They all heard him saying it wasn't worth living anymore after they made his little Mittens into soap. Guy just kept leaping into the dry moat, crawling back out, and jumping in, over and over again..."

"Huh. I guess someone was taken by a *glasses* fell mood. How'd he wind up in a bucket, floating down the underground river though?"

"Kogan, where there's a well, *glasses* there's a way."

[Sir Reginald Bathwater]

Recruit hacked to pieces in the barracks in barracks by Urist McUberchamp. Homicide?
I guess it was a sparring *sunglasses* Axe-ident.

[Exiledhero99]

"It seems the mayor was killed by the former legendary Metalsmith's Champion Axedwarf Husband while eating his +plump helmet roast+."

"What happened to the Metalsmith?"

"She was executed after failing a mandate."

"Looks like revenge..*glasses*...is a dish served cold."

YEAH!