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Author Topic: I feel so violated. And weirded out.  (Read 3917 times)

Aqizzar

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I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« on: March 02, 2010, 07:47:12 pm »
I just got back from my Primary election voting.  (Turns out, Texas is not an Open Primary state.  I thought it was.)  But that has nothing to do with anything.  I'm walking around the back room of my house, feeding my dogs, when I look out the window and notice someone standing behind my toolshed.  I go over to the window, thinking it's a utilities guy, since they're here all the time.

I then notice these things in order - he's grotesquely fat; he's reading a magazine; he's not wearing any pants; he's not a utility worker.  Beaver patrol maybe, but nobody who should have business in my yard.

I do the first thing that comes to mind, by stepping out the door and yelling, "Hey, what the fuck are you doing?"  He looks up with the most utterly nonchalant face I've ever seen, then starts putting some sweatpants on.  I go back inside to grab a weapon (just to scare him off with; I don't want to be within 10 feet of this fleshheap), regretting leaving all my firearms at my father's place.  I come back out with a knife in hand, as he's squeezing his protruding mass through my garbage gate.  I shouted after him, something about being a pervert in need of professional help, and he gave me an angry look as he sauntered away.  You know, 'cause it's my fault I harshed his groove.

I'm not worried about this incident, it's probably the least threatening weird thing I've delt with in this city.  But seriously.  What the fuck?
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Quote from: Duke 2.0 on October 04, 2011, 05:15:14 pm
And here is where my beef pops up like a looming awkward boner.
Quote from: Toady One on December 04, 2010, 05:10:27 pm
Please amplify your relaxed states.
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cowofdoom78963

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2010, 07:49:23 pm »
God damn it your life is so awesome.
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Strife26

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2010, 07:50:04 pm »
Wow. And you didn't have the shotgun near at hand?


I'd probably have reacted the same way. What the hell?!
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sonerohi

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2010, 07:57:50 pm »
Texan without guns? Bah. We have shotgun bolted over the front door.
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Duke 2.0

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2010, 08:02:41 pm »
Quote from: Aqizzar on March 02, 2010, 07:47:12 pm
  I go back inside to grab a weapon (just to scare him off with; I don't want to be within 10 feet of this fleshheap), regretting leaving all my firearms at my father's place.
Quote from: EuchreJack on January 11, 2009, 11:45:34 am
  Besides, if you don't pack a gun in Texas, everyone will know your a liberal revolutionary.

 Don't lie to us, we know this is a captured conservative politician that escape your interrogation room.
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Quote from: Aqizzar on October 13, 2010, 04:19:47 am
Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
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sonerohi

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2010, 08:09:43 pm »
Your avatar seems to have slipped off Duke.
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Aqizzar

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2010, 08:10:50 pm »
You know full well I'm a liberal revolutionary.  Wear it on my damn sleeve.

I don't keep my guns on hand, because I'm not actually sure what the firearm laws are around Dallas (especially since my shotgun is technically sawn-off), and I'm on Probation.  Walkin' the tightrope and so forth.  That said, this has convinced me to at least keep my hunting rifle in house, just in case I need to point it at someone again.  I do love my Mosin-Nagant, but the bayonet is so unwieldly.

Quote from: sonerohi on March 02, 2010, 07:57:50 pm
We have shotgun bolted over the front door.

How are you supposed to use a shotgun that's bolted up in the air?  How fast can you unscrew it?
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 08:13:25 pm by Aqizzar »
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Quote from: Duke 2.0 on October 04, 2011, 05:15:14 pm
And here is where my beef pops up like a looming awkward boner.
Quote from: Toady One on December 04, 2010, 05:10:27 pm
Please amplify your relaxed states.
Quote from: PTTG??
The ancients built these quote pyramids to forever store vast quantities of rage.

Leafsnail

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2010, 08:17:25 pm »
Quote
How are you supposed to use a shotgun that's bolted up in the air?  How fast can you unscrew it?
Clearly it aims downwards at anyone attempting to enter the door.
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sonerohi

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2010, 08:18:39 pm »
Mounted then, whatever. We have hooks on which a shotgun rests, in a position that you can swing it off easily.
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Jude

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2010, 08:29:30 pm »
What in the shit?

I've seen crackheads taking a dump next to the road before, but never in someone's backyard.

Although the apartment I had over the summer, some crazy bitch lived in the cottage out behind the building and stole a bunch of my laundry out of the washer in the basement. I had to put up with her shit all summer and I kind of wanted to take a shotgun to her dumb ass quite a few times
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ToonyMan

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2010, 08:36:54 pm »
That sounds pretty weird.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2010, 08:40:47 pm »
What are the laws on carrying a beanbag-firing shotgun? or other nonlethal but highly painful weaponry?
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cowofdoom78963

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2010, 08:50:11 pm »
The fat man obviously didn't want to stick around after seeing aqizzars big ol' knife.
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winner

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2010, 08:55:02 pm »
Quote from: JoshuaFH on March 02, 2010, 08:40:47 pm
What are the laws on carrying a beanbag-firing shotgun? or other nonlethal but highly painful weaponry?
rock salt is traditional.
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Cthulhu

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Re: I feel so violated. And weirded out.
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2010, 09:01:11 pm »
Here's what you do.

1.  Go to the store
2.  Buy one of these.
3.  Smack him in the head with it.
4.  ???
5.  Profit!

Appendix A:  If he doesn't leave, repeat process, starting at step 3.

Appendix B:  If he does leave, repeat step 3 for good measure.
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