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[Skorpion]

To get the elves to bring animals, drown every third or fourth caravan, and when you buy anything from them, make it very narrow margins.

[Aspgren]

To get the elves to bring animals, drown every third or fourth caravan, and when you buy anything from them, make it very narrow margins.

This I will try. thanks! 

[NW_Kohaku]

So long as you don't go insane and just start adding zeros, you should be able to get elves to trade you animals so long as you just set their pack animals to be able to carry [trade_capacity:15000], which is the same as a wagon.  (Vanilla camels, meanwhile, carry 3000, while donkeys carry 1500, which is where they hit capacity with nothing but cloth bins and wood.  If you get past around 5000, they should start carrying other stuff again.)

[NW_Kohaku]

Step one: confine pointy-eared hippies in small chamber with bridge for roof.
Step two: designate bridge as garbage dump, mark all your ashes for dumping.
Step three: open bridge, watch the ash rain.
Step four: cut down more trees.
Repeat until bored or deforested.
Bonus points: also throw in a few corpses for miasma fun.
Double bonus: Throw in a single wooden weapon and have an elf score at least one berserk kill with it.

This works so much better if the ashes are the kind you get from wasting fire imps. Then at least you're not wasting valuable materials on the tree-huggers.

This would, of course, mean a fire imp farm. Which could be combined with the elf sanatorium/battle arena for so much more fun.

No, no, you're forgetting that elves don't just hug trees - they love all living things, and don't buy leather or meat, either.  Therefore, set up your butchery right next to said bridge.  Rain down chunks of cattle and puppies and kitten heads and birds pulled inside out, yet somehow still alive.  Living in a dank pit soaked in blood where it can at any time rain corpse bits would be an existential hell for anyone, but for a lover of all nature, I could imagine nothing but either pure solipsistic denial of reality, or total personality meltdown into a frothing rabid killer who will bludgeon anything they percieve as moving with the arm they gnawed off themselves.

[Rat Of Wisdom]

No, no, you're forgetting that elves don't just hug trees - they love all living things, and don't buy leather or meat, either.  Therefore, set up your butchery right next to said bridge.  Rain down chunks of cattle and puppies and kitten heads and birds pulled inside out, yet somehow still alive.  Living in a dank pit soaked in blood where it can at any time rain corpse bits would be an existential hell for anyone, but for a lover of all nature, I could imagine nothing but either pure solipsistic denial of reality, or total personality meltdown into a frothing rabid killer who will bludgeon anything they percieve as moving with the arm they gnawed off themselves.

Your post has made me hungry, I'm gonna go make me a sammich.

Dwarf Fortress: Where the dwarves are real dwarves, the goblins are real goblins, and the elves are real annoying; where vicious acts of psychological torture are not just accepted but encouraged; where heroes go to die be crushed by falling ceilings be burned up in magma die horribly.

I love this game.

[blur]

Before you put them in the chamber bath them in soapy water: Throwing a soap at them is torture, but cover their whole body in it should make them insane. 

[Satarus]

Build the trade depot out of soap.

[NW_Kohaku]

And don't forget to make the entire pit made out of clear glass (or soap, that's good too)... it would probably also become fairly slick with blood, so they would be slipping in the rotting, miasma-producing corpses of the animals they love so much, if not slipping on all the soap and muddy ashes you throw down there.

... You need to combine this with the elf breeding program idea, so that you can fill this pit with breeding elves whose own fathers are their mating partners and decorate this pit with *elf skull totem*s of their own mothers, brothers, and babies.  If you use Dwarf Companion, you might be able to outright butcher the elves, and make sure that the only food available is *elf meat roasts* or *elf tallow roasts*.

... hmm... I'm trying, but I can't think of anything to make this a more satanic idea than it already is... Can anyone help me be more evil?

[Jyppa]

Connect the whole thing to one of these so the chamber is kept at a constant (but sloshing) water depth of 3-4.

[Sphalerite]

Connect the whole thing to one of these so the chamber is kept at a constant (but sloshing) water depth of 3-4.

Embark on an oceanside site and use salt water for the chamber.  Also scatter in a few weapon traps with one whip in each to induce many minor skin wounds.

[Jyppa]

Connect the whole thing to one of these so the chamber is kept at a constant (but sloshing) water depth of 3-4.

Embark on an oceanside site and use salt water for the chamber.  Also scatter in a few weapon traps with one whip in each to induce many minor skin wounds.

mm... throw in some lye as well.

[NW_Kohaku]

OOH OOH! I thought of something else!

What's the fun in just knowing that somewhere, an elf is crying tears of maddening psychological torment?  We all know it's FAR more enjoyable to actually be there to not just revel in their pain, but point and laugh while you're at it!

This is why I really hope we get some kind of "arena" meeting zone setup, but anyway...

When you make the walls of this place out of glass, set up multiple chairs (and maybe tables), and place your booze stockpiles around this pit.  That way, whenever your dwarves need to get a drink and relax, they can be entertained by the unending torment of the elves on the other side of the glass walls.  You can even make it your dining room, with every table facing the elves's agony, like some kind of high-class restraunt with a massive aquarium.  Only it's an aquarium filled with vomit, rotting carcasses, blood, incest, elf skull totems, dead trees, elf babies being carted away for slaughter, and elves pleading to Gods who are likely laughing at them as hard as your dwarves are.

[silverskull39]

just for fun (not to be confused with "Fun"), and to make the deaths of any elf ambushes more traumatic, take a couple of your tortured elves and put them in a one square room. Fill said room with water. Add magma. Make *Tortured Elf Sword* to kill said ambushes with.

[Jyppa]

This item menaces with spikes of elf bone.

[Grendus]

Elves are kind of dim. They assume that if you have no lumber in your wood stockpiles, you haven't cut down any trees. You could be arming all of the dwarf-dom with steel, export absurd amounts of clear glass, be sitting in a soap depot full of wooden bins, and pushing your gigantic farms into overdrive with 200 bars of potash a year and they'd hug you, so long as you only sell them things that weren't necessarily made with wood by-products. They're either really stupid or hypocrites, take your pick.

The one redeeming aspect of the elves is that you can basically exploit and abuse them about as much as you want. In fact, they encourage it. Seize everything of value from their caravans, then trade lots of extra wealth to the human and dwarf caravans. The elves will bring huge caravans because the humans/dwarves got lots of profit, but won't bring a lot of "valuable" goods like base quality rope reed cloth with base quality redroot dye (seriously, who let Drool Cup Larry make the trade goods?) and instead will bring "inferior" goods like caged giant eagles and sun berries.