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[LoneJedi7]

What are your greatest worst "unfortunate accidents" that you have had or will have had happen to your nobles?
 Remember these are beautifully executed plans horrible unavoidable trajedies that fall upon your poor nobles and should be treated with respect....


One of mine: i built a sealed magma-proof room made of obsidian (with nickel door) above a magma pool only being held up by one support. inside was one casket, 2 levers, and a small amount of food.  two of my nobles decided that they wished to repeatedly pull these levers....not sure why.  They must have been rather heavy from sitting around all day doing nothing all the hard work they do, becuase support suddenly gave way!!! (never saw that comin) They were trapped at the bottom of a magma pipe, now faced with a horrible decision, hoard the food and live longer but dont get a proper burial, or, starve to death and die first but have your fellow noble give you a proper burial.......
.....at least they had some levers to keep them occupied.

[Magil]

Um... I think the only time I killed a noble on purpose was in retribution for ordering a beating on a legendary clothier, who died. Punish a legendary clothier for failing to produce giant mole leather, will you?!

I had the tax collector pull the "DO NOT PULL" lever... it's a lever at the end of a 1-tile wide hallway filled with 10 upright spike traps, which the lever is attached to.

Simple, yet very effective. Also, you get a pretty precise death message (impaled on spikes).

[Teferi]

in my current fort I've had 3 sets of nobles go insane. The first couple went melancholy, the second stark raving mad, and the third berserk (these two were brought down quickly)

[Hyndis]

Easiest way to automate this process is to give your broker/bookkeeper an excessively extravagant room. Do not give the other nobles any rooms. Let them sleep on the floor.

Put your meeting zone right next to a deep chasm.

Nobles will migrate to your fortress, become traumatized by the extravagant room of your useful dwarf, and then fling themselves into the chasm.

The noble even cleans up after himself!   

[Teferi]

Easiest way to automate this process is to give your broker/bookkeeper an excessively extravagant room. Do not give the other nobles any rooms. Let them sleep on the floor.

Put your meeting zone right next to a deep chasm.

Nobles will migrate to your fortress, become traumatized by the extravagant room of your useful dwarf, and then fling themselves into the chasm.

The noble even cleans up after himself!  

Or better yet a tower next to your magma moat.

[Hyndis]

You can vary how deep the pit is for various effects.

If you just want to kill them instantly, put magma at the bottom or just have them plunge into the chasm.

Whats really fun is making the drop just enough to break all of their limbs but not quite kill them. They then sit there with four broken limbs and slowly waste away until they finally die of either thirst or starvation.

The dwarves above can then watch from the ledge next to the meeting zone, taking bets on if it'll be thirst or starvation that does the noble in.

[Dude_Jebawe]

The most unfortunate tragedy that has occurred on my watch was when an esteemed mayor fell into a deep hole in the ground, just outside of my fortress! My brave dwarves did the best they could to save him, and slowly filled the hole with water, so he could swim out! Unfortunately, he survived!

[Eviltyphoon]

You can vary how deep the pit is for various effects.

If you just want to kill them instantly, put magma at the bottom or just have them plunge into the chasm.

Whats really fun is making the drop just enough to break all of their limbs but not quite kill them. They then sit there with four broken limbs and slowly waste away until they finally die of either thirst or starvation.

The dwarves above can then watch from the ledge next to the meeting zone, taking bets on if it'll be thirst or starvation that does the noble in.

Urist McDwarf has been ecstatic lately, he won a bet concerning the kings life lately. He saw nobles jump to their death lately. He slept in a legendary bedroom lately.

[A-chana]

My most amusing most horrible unfortunate accident involved an emotionally tortured countess in the middle of a tantrum spiral. She had watched countless dwarves starves to death or drown themselves, one-man riots broke out every few minutes, and worst of all, her room still didn't have enough shiny crap in it. She eventually snapped and went berserk.

My many, many Champion wrestlers were sparring in the room right next to her.  'Mia II', Countess Consort has been struck down. is a beautiful phrase terrible tragedy that must be aimed for avoided at all costs.

There's also one of the mayors, who constantly asked for nickel items when I had no nickel at all. He was also an occasional part of my military force, and joined in to defend a siege. He got separated from the group and was rushed by a squad lead by a titled local leader, a Goblin Axe Lord. He was swiftly bisected. I liked this dwarf better because of his military actions (he had a title), even if his mandates sucked, so he still had a really nice grand mausoleum waiting for him.

[Akura]

I made a very simple lever structure for a Dutchess Consort who had an unhealthy fondness for Adamantine(which the map had none). Key emphasis on "unhealthy", by the way. It did result in the death of... I think it was a Furnace Operator. Who cares, details suck anyways.

Basically, a support holding up a platform, beneath which is a lever. So simple that even an efl could see it. And what does she do? She pulls the lever.

Oddly, I had just finished satifying her demand for a Grand Mausoleum by building an iron statue in it. Immediately after the funeral, while the Broker was trying to talk himself out of paying the caterer and all, I moved the statue to her husband's tomb! She didn't care.

I have few ideas for filling her husband's tomb, too...

[Particleman]

I've had nobles pull levers, then the the door to the room they were in got forbidden somehow, and I didn't notice until they died of dehydration. I've also had accidents with them drowning while testing some experimental water transportation systems.

[Rat Of Wisdom]

I like to think of myself as a dwarven Darwinist. (You know, survival of he who rocks the biggest hammer and all that good stuff.) So I disapprove of this namby-pamby noble-culling flim-flam. Instead, if they annoy me, I let dwarven nature take its course (by which I mean I completely refuse to intervene on anyone's behalf):

I don't build them rooms, I put most everyone to work (hauling shit or making blocks or detailing floors), and I wait for one to snap.

Watching the Hammerer being forced to beat his dear friend the Duke into a pulp (because the Duke couldn't stand having to sleep on the floor while the Dungeon Master got a platinum statue in his office and attempted to forcibly remove the Hammerer's spine through his anus (because, due to the fact that all the valuable dwarves were working, the Hammerer was nearest...)) was truly a satisfying display of the rule of "survival of the dwarfiest".

[OcelotTango]

My best noble story is when one of my Barons decided that enough was enough, and that he was going to teach that mason a lesson. When he went berserk, the mason broke his neck and left him bleeding in his room, then went for a drink. Later the Barons own Hammerer came by and killed his dwarfbag of a boss put him out of his misery.

[Hobgobwin]

Noble who was elected leader who I didn't like and specified a specific tomb got mad, picked fight with a military dorf, military dorf put out noble's eyes and left the noble with a bunch of broken limbs, the rest of the military dorfs pummeled the noble to death. Noble is taken to his tomb gradually, which consists of a magma-proof room with a zinc coffin and all of the former leader's pets chained up. The successor who came a few months later pulled the lever to flood the room with magma, the corpse boiling alive along with the burning pets, then the room was drained to repurpose the room for another noble who got on my shit list.

[Skorpion]

- The platform with the levers on collapsed into the magma pipe.

- The room mysteriously flooded near-instantly, and stayed flooded.

- The lever had spikes leading up to it.

- The tiny room with the lever in sealed when the lever was pulled, then it flooded.