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[lordnincompoop]

> Ride the live elf like a mechanical bull

Alas, the nine other dwarves on top of the elf are doing this already. You see they are doing rhythmic hip movements while on the elf.

> Look upon the elves with revulsion, spit on one, and claim to be a mercenary guard with the Dwarven Caravan.

You make yourself seem a bit shorter and you give your speech. Although yo can't spit that far, the rest seems tyo convince them and they stop noticing you. (93-30=73, 73>50) (Success! 100xp gained! Levelup!)

Status:
>You are normal.
>You are hungry.
>You are slightly thirsty.
>Weapon: Iron Shortsword
>Armour: Leather
>Rations: Nearly empty (3)
>Water: Nearly Dry (3)
>Skills: Long Swords (4), Speech (1)

Inventory:
>Slimy globs (5)
>Unknown Berries (9)

[lordnincompoop]

Shameless bump.

[Ottofar]

Shove a Dwarf off an elf. When he/she has fallen off, RIDE THE ELF LIKE A MECHANICAL BULL! (I should stop doing this)
When that's done, close eyes, and walk east hands in front.

[lordnincompoop]

> Shove a Dwarf off an elf. When he/she has fallen off, RIDE THE ELF LIKE A MECHANICAL BULL!

You do so. You feel so dirty now.

> When that's done, close eyes, and walk east hands in front.

You do so, and pushing some dwarves out of the way, you crash into a statue.


Status:
> You are normal.
> You are hungry.
> You are slightly thirsty.
> You are slightly bruised.
> Weapon: Iron Shortsword
> Armour: Leather
> Rations: Nearly empty (3)
> Water: Nearly Dry (3)
> Skills: Long Swords (4), Speech (1)

Inventory:
> Slimy globs (5)
> Unknown Berries (9)

[Faden]

Try walking with your eyes closed and hands in front in all the cardinal directions.

[Ottofar]

If that doesn't work, get a beer, and eat an elf party food.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Yeah at this point the dwarves probably think we're a dwarf disguised as a human, what with all the bumbling around, elf-riding, spitting, and general uselessness.

> Find a well

[Criptfeind]

>and dive in.

[Ottofar]

We're hungry. We can eat party to not be hungry. We should take some with us. Both of the well ideas are good. There are always secret passageways in wells.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Uh, I meant like find a well to get something to drink. You don't want to visit the booze stockpile, with all the sweaty dwarves rubbing their bellies on the ground and licking the insides of the barrels.

[lordnincompoop]

> Take some food.

You attempt to nab some food from the dwarves. (Pickpocket) (31-30=1) (1<50) (1<10) (Critical Failure!)

They notice you and take badly for it. You couldn't even get some food, while you were at it. They chase you around, and one of the dwarves manage a glancing shot using their +cat biscuit+. (Athletics) (20-30=-10) (-10<50) (-10<10) (-10<0) (SUPER CRITICAL FAILURE!)

They manage to catch you and beat you unconscious. When you wake up, some one had put a blindfold on you. You feel ropes around your hands and feet, and you are sitting. Once someone takes them off - you cannot see who - you find yourself tied to a chair in the middle of a room. There is a window behind some bars in front of you, and inside sit three dwarves in fancy clothing, staring at you, faces blank and emotionless. One of them twitch a little. You can not turn around to see what is behind you. Beside you is a dwarf in armor, wielding a hammer- (Culture Knowledge:Dwarf Fortresses) (55-30=20) (20<50) (Failure)

-who you do not recognise. There is a dim, even light around the room, the source of which- (Geology) (3-30=-27) (-27<50) (-27<10) (-27<0) (SUPER CRITICAL FAILURE!)

-you recognise as the product of dwarven fluorescent breeding spores, dead clowns, your sweat, the chair, and the hell-lights from the demonic deeps. The armoured dwarf seems happy, for- (Psychology) (27-30=-3) (-3<50) (-3<10) (-3<0) (SUPER CRITICAL FAILURE!)

-reasons, that you surmise are because he vomited recently (because you quite distinctly remember that dwarves enjoy vomiting). You are happy with yourself for drawing such a great and intelligent conclusion.



Status:
> You are normal.
> You are hungry.
> You are thirsty.
> You are slightly wounded (Cutting) (Lower Back).
> You are bleeding slightly (Lower Back).
> Blood Left in Body: 5550/5600
> Weapon: Iron Shortsword
> Armour: Leather
> Rations: Empty (0)
> Water: Dry (0)
> Skills: Long Swords (4), Speech (1)

Inventory:
> Nada

[Faden]

Apologize?

[lordnincompoop]

> Apologize?

You attempt to apologize. (Speech) (87-20=67) (67>50) (Success! 63xp gained!)

You apologize, drawing emotion from deep within your soul and say you're sorry. They lead you out , telling that although you are pardoned you are no longer welcome in the fort. The citizens you pass by give you rude hand signs. You are escorted down the corridors, and down a side road you see a well.



Status:
> You are normal.
> You are hungry.
> You are thirsty.
> You are slightly wounded (Cutting) (Lower Back).
> You are bleeding slightly (Lower Back).
> Blood Left in Body: 5550/5600
> Weapon: Iron Shortsword
> Armour: Leather
> Rations: Empty (0)
> Water: Dry (0)
> Skills: Long Swords (4), Speech (1, 63/200xp), Pickpocket (0), Athletics (0), Culture Knowledge: Dwarf Fortresses (0), Geology (0), Psychology (0)

Inventory:
> Nada

What do you do?

[Ottofar]

Uh, I meant like find a well to get something to drink. You don't want to visit the booze stockpile, with all the sweaty dwarves rubbing their bellies on the ground and licking the insides of the barrels.

Yeah, I got that. Sarcasm is hard to detect in text, isn't it?

Anyways, let's try to find that well already.

And something to eat.

[lordnincompoop]

You found the well, so I'm gonna do what you posted last time:

> Jump in the well.

You run to the direction of the well and, hidden in the miasma, jump in.



You are falling. Below you, you see water, and after a short while you fall in it, and are drawn out by the currents.



You deperately try to swim, but you only manage to sink further.



Eventually, you can see nothing but black. Down here, the pressures are crushingly high and you begin to hear the smell of roast beef and taste purple.

You feel the sudden whoosh again and the now-familiar feeling of travelling great distances, and end up here.



Status:
> You are soaked to the bone.
> You are hungry.
> You are not thirsty.
> You feel slightly compressed.
> You are slightly wounded (Cutting) (Lower Back).
> Your eyes hurt.
> You have a racking headache.
> You taste colours.
> You see smells floating around, at the edge of your vision.
> You are bleeding (Lower Back).
> Blood Left in Body: 5300/5600
> Weapon: Slightly Rusted Iron Shortsword (-1)
> Armour: Wet Leather
> Rations: Empty (0)
> Water: Full (10)
> Skills: Long Swords (4), Speech (1, 63/200xp), Pickpocket (0), Athletics (0), Culture Knowledge: Dwarf Fortresses (0), Geology (0), Psychology (0)

Inventory:
> Wet nada

What do you do?