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Author Topic: Othor II. RP?  (Read 11321 times)

Supermikhail

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #45 on: February 21, 2010, 01:36:15 pm »

Uh, does anybody have a guide on presenting interjections in reported speech? At this point specifically "huh".  :-[
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Armok

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #46 on: February 21, 2010, 02:06:40 pm »

I'm not sure I even know what that means, have you tried googling it?
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Supermikhail

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #47 on: February 21, 2010, 02:19:32 pm »

I have severely google'd it, that's how I found out how it's called in the first place.
Basically, I want to turn "She: Huh..." into more civilized form. I am sure there is a word for it, but all my dictionary gives is "hem", and I do not like how "She hemmed" sounds.
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Supermikhail

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #48 on: February 21, 2010, 03:56:07 pm »

Nevermind.  :)
Although, some people on the forums and even my subconscious have suggested that it may be a bad practice, I shall venture to put here a new, quite short, passage, ending in suspense. Because, well, comments on the dialogue and personalities.

Quote from: Othor II
And so, the first man spoke in an uncomfortable whisper to his companions:
- No sentries, - and then he fell silent, as if he was to blame for the town's lack of defenses.
- Yep, - remarked the halfling lazily, without breaking his posture.
The kobold let out a stifled laugh or a grunt. But she stopped fiddling with grass and her fingers, and her hood moved a bit, her ears perking under it, apparently.
- No guards, - repeated the man after a pause, ignoring his companions' behavior, - and no signs of citizens at all.
With the loudness of his voice increasing, his strong accent became apparent, although it didn't last long, as having uttered this phrase he paused again.
- Well, what does it mean, Vig? Don't drag it, - said the second man genially.
- I'd say they haven't gone to a fair, - muttered the kobold.
- It can mean some things, - said Vig. - First, there could be invasion. They could defeat and kill citizens and the rest take into slavery, - he finally shook off the graveness and became more business-like. - And so, town should be empty, and way should be clear. But, - he looked at the kobold, - we didn't see any dead bodies or signs of...
- ...fighting, on the way, - finished the kobold for him, finally shifting her pose, which must had grown quite uncomfortable by then. - That's true.
- So, it's not invasion,  - continued Vig, - or citizens were so careless with their gates always, and enemies took town by surprise.
- That'd be lame, - commented the halfling in a disappointed voice.
- I say that'd be quite fortunate, good friend William, - replied the second man in a cheerful manner. - Don't be grumpy, our trophy should make a good inspiration for your songs, even without grandiose fights to win it.
- Especially considering that we were going to try to do without fights in the first place, - stepped in the kobold. - And stop patronizing him, Amlemth, finally, - she flashed her eyes at the man strictly from under her hood, - Please, continue, Vig.
Vig lifted his eyebrows slightly, but didn't comment on the conversation.
- Second possibility is, monster attacked town. Big monster, destroyed place almost instantly, - he made a sweeping gesture with his hand. - But place doesn't seem destroyed, it is problem.
- Unless it was a dragon! - suggested Amlemth, who still remained cheerful, despite having just been chastised. - In which case it flew over the walls and into the city, spreading fiery death from above!
He rolled his eyes in appreciation of the picture he just drew. All his companions squinted at the walls of the town once more. They were on the other side of a valley between two hills, on one side of which the town stood, and couldn't see over the walls, but the walls themselves didn't seem to bear any marks of fire, and the grass around was fresh and green.
- Not likely, - concluded Vig.
Amlemth shrugged his shoulders.
- If it was monster, - said Vig with emphasis on "if", - he could destroy town, kill everyone and stay here, and so, way can be dangerous, - he paused. - Or he could leave, and way is free.
- Well, we didn't expect the path to be covered with beetle juice, - said the kobold.
- Wha...? - William twisted his mouth. - That's the worst metaphor I've heard in my life.
The kobold looked at him without saying anything for a moment.
- I guess you don't know anything about metaphors, then.
The kobold and the halfling stared at each other in silence. Vig sighed and muttered something in his native tongue. Amlemth suddenly grew agitated.
- Hey, guys, let's not fight over dietary preferences! - he exclaimed.
Cicadas suddenly stopped, as the last utterance was quite prominent in the evening calmness. The travelers hastily observed the landscape for threats and lay motionless until the nature resumed its routine.
His head in the grass and his eyes towards the sky with stars quickly fading in, William spoke in a low voice:
- I suppose, tastes may differ... I apologize, lady Fithgnliru.
- OK, - acknowledged the kobold curtly, but one could just barely distinguish pleasure in her voice.
Several minutes past the first sound of renewed buzzing of cicadas, the travelers started rising.
- What I meant, - said Fithgnliru, - was that it's not like we arrived on a diplomatic mission, anyway, - she lifted her hands. - We haven't come all this way to turn back without even looking inside.
Her companions silently agreed.
A hundred mile and five day distance away, they started from an out-of-the-way inn near the city of Firimar.
One note: names sound kind of crappy.:) (William is out of this dispute, of course) I like Vig. He sounds like a guy you can rely on. Others - first, I don't know how to shorten them for everyday use, so they don't sound ridiculous, second - Fithgnliru I can handle somehow, but Amlemth is simply unpronounceable. Any ideas?
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Dwarf

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #49 on: February 21, 2010, 04:00:15 pm »

I like Vig. He sounds like a guy you can rely on.

That's one of my character traits :)

Will you point out when we're to make decisions?
Anyway, I propose we send in the kobold to have a look.
(I mean, she's perfect for the task :D)
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Quote from: Akura
Now, if we could only mod Giant War Eagles to carry crossbows, we could do strafing runs on the elves who sold the eagles to us in the first place.

Supermikhail

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #50 on: February 21, 2010, 04:09:47 pm »

I'm pointing out now. (to all contributors) Are you satisfied with your character's language and style? Are you embarrassed by a particular line in their speech? Speak up.
And of course, do we send that pushy kobold into the unknown?

(I plan to pull in a bit of background info in the next scene (that's what that last line is for), so there is enough time for speculation).
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Org

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #51 on: February 21, 2010, 04:14:28 pm »

It is good
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Jervous

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #52 on: February 21, 2010, 04:18:35 pm »

I'd just go with Am, or let them call him a nickname or something.  I'm absolutely fine with how Amlemth is speak so far. :P

Well, Amlemth would disagree with anyone going alone, but it's of course the majority of the votes here :)
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Armok

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #53 on: February 21, 2010, 05:47:01 pm »

Seems good enough to me. :)

I got some vague impression that her grace/smoothness/swiftness weren't quite conveyed enough, but I cant come up with anything that is wrong or gave me this impression, and I probably couldn't do better myself.
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So says Armok, God of blood.
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III...

Dwarf

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #54 on: February 21, 2010, 05:53:32 pm »

Seems good enough to me. :)

I got some vague impression that her grace/smoothness/swiftness weren't quite conveyed enough, but I cant come up with anything that is wrong or gave me this impression, and I probably couldn't do better myself.

You mean she needs that kind of... slinky shadow quicksilver feeling?
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Quote from: Akura
Now, if we could only mod Giant War Eagles to carry crossbows, we could do strafing runs on the elves who sold the eagles to us in the first place.

Org

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #55 on: February 21, 2010, 05:53:41 pm »

Oh, yes, and as a note, Will is a jack of all trades, master of none kinda guy.
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Dwarf

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #56 on: February 21, 2010, 05:56:44 pm »

Oh, yes, and as a note, Will is a jack of all trades, master of none kinda guy.

These tend to fail horribly in pretty much all RPGs :D

No really, he reminds me of Rodario in Die Zwerge. A wandering actor, a jack-of-all-trades, not the best of warriors, but brave and trusty.
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Quote from: Akura
Now, if we could only mod Giant War Eagles to carry crossbows, we could do strafing runs on the elves who sold the eagles to us in the first place.

Armok

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #57 on: February 21, 2010, 06:10:56 pm »

Seems good enough to me. :)

I got some vague impression that her grace/smoothness/swiftness weren't quite conveyed enough, but I cant come up with anything that is wrong or gave me this impression, and I probably couldn't do better myself.

You mean she needs that kind of... slinky shadow quicksilver feeling?
Yes! That one!
« Last Edit: February 21, 2010, 06:13:06 pm by Armok »
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So says Armok, God of blood.
Sszsszssoo...
Sszsszssaaayysss...
III...

Supermikhail

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #58 on: February 22, 2010, 04:07:26 am »

I'm glad you've plunged right into character discussion, because putting up the vote for what we do with the kobold was kind-of retarded on my part (I was sleepy) as you don't really know any details of their quest or even what it is they are after.

Seems good enough to me. :)

I got some vague impression that her grace/smoothness/swiftness weren't quite conveyed enough, but I cant come up with anything that is wrong or gave me this impression, and I probably couldn't do better myself.

You mean she needs that kind of... slinky shadow quicksilver feeling?

I don't think you can do much quicksilvering while sitting on the ground without movement... or can you?... Anyway, I'll look into it during editing.

Oh, and thanks for the feedback, guys. :)
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Dwarf

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Re: Othor II. The unlocked door
« Reply #59 on: February 22, 2010, 06:40:44 am »

Will there be an update today? As far as I can tell, it's about afternoon in Russia.
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Quote from: Akura
Now, if we could only mod Giant War Eagles to carry crossbows, we could do strafing runs on the elves who sold the eagles to us in the first place.
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