*blink blink*
Vector...did you just...that was a language lesson, right? Almost a tricolon, almost a triremic explosion. Huh.
I don't know what the terminology you're using means, but sure.
More statements to Rysith Rysith Rysith: when you repeat the phrase too much, it loses its power. This is why I don't start every paragraph with "listen up, scumbucket!" Phrase repetition works best when you have the repeated phrases clustered. Otherwise you just sound uninspired. Further, you can't repeat the same appellation too much. Have you ever read one of those terrible fanfics where one character (e.g. Vincent Valentine) is always referred to as "the gunslinger?"
AN: OMG Vinnie is like so hawt and stuff right muse okay lololol. I don't own Vincent Valentine, Cid Highwind, or a handcart full of mushrooms. Readnreviewplxkthxbai!! ^_________________^
Cid chuckled at the gunslinger's surprised expression, his breath redolent with tobacco and whiskey. Said the pilot: 'Hey, Vinnie. Wanna go #(*$*(#$ in the #@)($*(#)$ with some )(#*)#(*$)#@$)?'
Vincent Valentine, his twin orbs glowing with deep claret contempt, refused his advances. The gunslinger's heart was torn, twixt camaraderie and fear; if he approached another as a friend, could he possibly escape being hurt? Or would he, his soul tarnished as age-old silver, only be crushed again like a single red rose in the hand of a jilted lover?
Only time would tell.
Okay, so that's probably slightly better-written than most fanfiction spewed out by 13-year-old girls--i.e., there hasn't been a threesome between Sephiroth, Cloud, and a gerbil yet. I'm sure you understand my point, however. Repeat, but don't be redundant, especially when you don't need to use a particular word or phrase to make your statements clear.
To further my phraseology lesson (... for anyone who cares), look at this:
Your scummy behavior went through warnings and FOSes and culminated in a vote, despite your claims.
This is very good. Why? First off, the last four words are iambic, which helps. Second, you properly used the triple-structure this time. Third, the end-alliteration between the c's (i.e. velar stops) not only ties together your 3-phrase with the end softening, but it also makes you sound more dangerous. Repeated hard sounds = danger. P's, B's, and S's are particularly good for this, as well as K's and G's.
Time to die.
This falls a little bit flat. I think it's because "time to die" is so overused as to be unfrightening. My personal favorite variant is "prepare to hang." Gets some nice plosives (p's) in there, along with the long stressed a's.
But instead you buddy and you active-lurk and you don't contribute.
This doesn't work so well. You don't have any rhythm, which becomes very important for short phrases (you see how the syllable lengths and stresses in your word-choice don't match at all? That's what's making the phrase fall down). When you read things aloud, it should sound clear and liquid. The subject matter should tell you where to direct your volume and voice. I advocate elegance in all things.
That said, you are of course not expected to adhere to my advice. I'm mostly throwing these things out here in hopes of someone getting some usage out of them--because this is the entire secret to my game, and I have little else to share by way of special technique.
Jokerman: bring out some quotes on Rysith. It's the next step. Right now, you're pushing without much by the way of actual evidence.
Author
Topic: Boot Camp Mafia: End (Read 34976 times)