That poor Dwarf who got so abused in the name of progress deserved an identity. And so I give you the tale of Reg Theaterwhips, the unfortunate first patient of the Dwarven medical system!
Reg Theaterwhips was confused and concerned alike. An unfortunate accident had left him with a very painful left hand, and now he was being tended to by the fortress physicians. He was confused because he couldn't remember why he'd done something so stupid as stand on a bridge he himself had raised. He was concerned because his tending physicians were completely unqualified.
He looked over at the Dwarf examining his hand, Catten Burialcrypt. Catten was a cheese maker, for Armok's sake, not a doctor! "Looks like it's broken to me," the ex-cheese maker said with a disconcertingly uncertain tone to his voice. "Right then," Urist Lifesyrups said, "I'll get to work." Insantly Reg became even more concerned. Urist's previous career was as a fish dissector, and had only gotten the position of surgeon because it sounded vaguely like sturgeon.
"We need to wash the wound first!" Olin Triumphlashes cried, and spilled yet another bucket full of water in front of Reg. "Whoops. Sorry, I'll get another!" she said and ran out. Olin used to be a milker of purring maggots, so Reg wasn't surprised that she was having such a hard time. Pain stabbed through his entire left arm, and he looked down in horror at what had happened. "Sorry, missed," Urist said sheepishly as he extracted the cow bone scalpel from Reg's upper arm. "I'd better check again," Catten said uncertainly, and gave Reg's hand another painful once-over. "Yeah, definitely a compound fracture," he said as Olin rushed in and started mopping up the mess Urist had caused.
"Right, my aim should be better this time," Urist chuckled as he jabbed the scalpel painfully into Reg's wrist. "Would you PLEASE put that thing down?!" Reg screamed in agony, and yanked his hand away indignantly. "No need to get upset," Urist said disdainfully, and grabbed Reg's hand again. Reg closed his eyes and tried to ignore the waves of pain. He must've passed out at some point, because when he woke up, Urist was sewing up his wrist. "Well, you know what they say: fourth time's a charm!" Urist chuckled, and Reg did his best not to look at the mess that was his arm.
"Right!" Urist said, "That's finished that. Wait here until we bring you your splint." Reg sat there for a very long time indeed. Hours passed, though it felt like days. Finally Olin arrived just as Reg thought his throat was going to seal itself up, and she quietly placed the splint on his hand. Without so much as a thanks, Reg ran off to the nearest barrel of dwarven wine, thinking to himself as he ran that he was going to do anything he could to avoid getting so much as a stubbed toe from now on.
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Topic: After reading todays update.... (Read 7110 times)