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[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Do you think it's going to be easier or harder to convince people to follow us when our existence becomes common knowledge?

At very least we could get Bay12 by having me create dwarves.  And elves for them to kill.

Edit: Actually, using this logic we could convince any high fantasy fans/roleplayers/etc. to follow us.

And so the Chosen Ones marched onward toward the country's capital, a terrifying force of ten thousand veteran LARPers now under their command...

Anyone else want to perform a personalitectomy on Zanzetkuken?

I'm going to sig this as well.

Challenge Accepted

Quick, mastahcheese! You have to update before this topic derails into the ocean! Or, well, at least before we end up hitting another continent.

What is this continent you speak of?  We are in interstellar space.

Does that make us a space train?
OOO OOO Even better, are we now a Crazy Train?

And what do we send in as an excuse to his school?  "I'm sorry Grate couldn't attend, he was busy assaulting Olympus and stealing all their wives?"

As I have just eaten a donut I feel that I have acquired a small amount of temporary expertise on the subject - a thinning in the metaphorical membrane separating man- and donut-kind.

Toady Forty-Two: Who was working on the temperature updates?
Toady Three, Toady Nineteen, Toady Twenty-Five, Toady Thirty, Toady Thirty-Four, Toady Forty-Four, Toady Sixty-One: (in unison) I am!
Toady Forty-Two: *facepalm*

It's Zanzetkuken The Great. He's a goddamn wizard-dragon. He will make it so, and it will forever be.

Old Wolfenstein:  Order new blood.

*comets sudoku*

[mastahcheese]

What is Scamps doing right now?

He is stealing a lazy boy chair from somebody and licking his paw.

Dwarf Fortress has no learning curve, it has a gallows.

CHAOS METER:
[||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||[͔͓̪̮͙̜́͘͠|̵̢̲͉͍̺͖̗̥̲́͡͡|̢̟̭̖̭̜́|̧̢̤͙̠̻|҉͚̰̥̫͖͓͓̬̮̞̣̀|͟҉̵̴̤̬̮̫͔̹͓͈͉͖|̵͙̜̘͝ͅͅ|̧̡͘͏͖̣͕̳̩̣̝̩̦̟̤̻̭̙̬͉̬̥|̛͙͕̦͇̫̺̭̥̰̝̯̯̼̝̻ͅ|̵̧̨͙̲̟͔̹|͝͏̮͓̮̦̜͔̤̳̹͉͔̘͍̺|̨̢̖̯͉̲̹͉͉̻̦̗̹̠̝̭͈͘͝|̸͎̝͓̩̗̹͓̖͔̝͈̻͡|̶̶̢̗̰̣͇̥̻̹̕͝|̵҉̸̮̦͙̘̲̻̯̫̬̟͉̬͉̮͕͚̜|̢̹͖͉͓̮̭̭͙͙͓̟̹͇͓̻̭̙͠|̴͇̟̖͔̭̻̱͕͕͘͠|̧͕͍͚̥͎̞͉͈͓̜̖͉̲̲́͘ͅͅ|̶̨͘҉̤̻̼̲ͅ|̷̴̛̦̪͔͖̱̰̗̟̩̟͍̲͇̹̀͡ͅ|̥̣̞͙͉͙͓̼͓̺̹͕̣̼͓̞̤͟|͏͕̹͙̬͖̟̝͞͝͡|̷̧̨̻̣̩͖͍̯͓͙͚̀͠|̷̥̼͔͇̟͖̰̱̠̰͓͎͕̩͟|̶̕͟͡҉̼͚̬͉|͏̷̨̡̤͖̣̮̯̝̯̗̰̙̤̩̺̰ͅ|̨̨̗͎͙͓̼̙̼̘͖͉̼̖͓ͅ|̸̸̼̹̖͓̻̞̠͇̱̜́͢͠|̴̨̮̟̘̱̻̖̕͝|͏̡̲̬̖̥̦͓̺͉̼̺̠̣̝͈̫̠̖̲̪͢͜|͏̴̨̛̬̙̪̮̻̖̩̥͔̲͉͢|̢̦̻̠͇̫̗̫̱̀͢͞H͖͍͚̹̲̳́́O̵̼̳L̵̡̜̮̯̣̤Y̼͇Ș̻͎̱̝͖̲H͕̞̲̘̟͢I͙͇̦T̯̭̯̺͇͓͢I̶̙͔̗̣͚͢C̦͉͖̝͘͡A̸̘̼͖͔̼̼̬Ń̢̪̫͈́T̴̤̭̘̻̦̱̳͎͞ͅE̺̬̯V̯͕̞̥͕͢E̡̛͔̩̝͓̥͎̩ͅN̷̢̝̤͚ͅC̠O̵̡̤̜̭͟N̛͙̗̤̟T̠̝͚̠̜͓̭̙͢O҉̶̴̬̝̜͚͚̩̭̰L̨͚̤T̷̷̯̠̭͇͚̝̺̝̘̥̘Ḫ̵̳̞̮̥̠̼̠̦̭̥̀E҉̬͎̠͔͓̩̮́͟C̡̠̹̻͖̲̤̩̝̻̭͍̙̯͓̥̭͓̀́̀Ḫ̴̸̡̰̲̪̳͚̣̕A̸̟͇̞̮̝̟̣̼̳̯͓̮̯̘͍̹̲̯͠O̶̧͍̗͎̮̥̯͙͟S̵̴̡͚̮͈͇͖̠̮̘̭̹̠̠̙

You know, I really fear for the future sometimes. Dwarf Fortress has bred this culture, and has amassed this conglomerate of individuals with this certain set of morals, or, more appropriately to say, this certain lack of moral character; and Dwarf Fortress has put us all here, in this one place where we can mingle and bond. It's scary. We're all sociopaths. We're all sociopaths who partake in some sort of devilish death worship and that's not even the worst part, since sociopaths are everywhere. The worst part is that we're all sociopaths and we're here in one place and we enable each other, enable ourselves and our peers, and that turns us into even bigger sociopaths. Does anybody remember a time when you treated your dwarves as if they were more than just pieces of meat? Think back to your very first fort. Now think about your current fort. It's a subtle yet profound change of style - back then you cared about each and every dwarf, giving them big rooms and everything they needed and you made sure they didn't die at all costs. Now death is an inevitability. Dwarf Fortress does not have players. It has sociopaths. And I fear for the future. I fear for the future because someday, we're going to be the ones at the helm. Just think if the next world leaders run their countries like how they play their forts. It's a scary thought. Truly maddening.

I started with a simple premise, a small scale battle between two colors.
Now I have a battle between starships, dragons, and gods, some fighting for creation, and some fighting for destruction.
How did this happen in the course of just two days?

I have no idea!
And this quote alone means the game deserves a spot in the Hall of Fame.

I don't think you can put it in there unless it's been active for at least a month, this thing died from over-post after 3 days.

Remember, kids. Initial Awesomeness management is important.

I did something.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Woo! Two down! I'm on fire!

*Shakes fist* Damn you mastahcheese!

If he played in a straightforward fashion, he just wouldn't be mastahcheese.

OH FUCK ITS THAT GUY

Spoiler: In the event that I fail to update my games in time, please use the commemorative bump image. (click to show/hide)

There!


And fedora edition.

Spoiler: Moar Quotes! (click to show/hide)

UristMcJealous bashes Urist Mcbigtestes in the lower body with her bronze hammer, shattering the balls !
The bronze hammer has lodged firmly in the wound !

Those fucking potatoes.

well that's just downright inefficient.

On the contrary it's quite reliablesmith.

the sun was starting to set In the east.

Really?

You know how they say bogeymen won't go near the oceans?
This is why.

We're kind of like spambot witch-hunters really.

Yes, yes, let the hate flow through you!

A Dwarven Hammer so massive that it isn't swung, the world comes up to meet it.

PLEASE DON'T LET ME ROT IN THAT HELLHOLE HOSPITAL! 

We´ll have some Mastahwork cheese, so this one should go smooth.

Epileptic Trees much?

REMUTHRA YOU JUST CAUSED A TIME PARADOX! Fix it!

Sorry, I sold my Playstation.

"My owner wants you to stand on your head and bark like a chicken."

No, I just went with the thing that would most likely happen if you faceplanted in cocaine.

It shall be called KOTOR III: Canderous and HK-47 Fuck Shit Up.

fuck I carnt see cause I'm at school and the pictures wont load will post action tonight if the world isnt exploded

((I'm steadily realizing that we're pretty much the most incompetent wizards ever.))

This is around the point I bother TCM about the fact that the first turn hasn't been posted. I figure at some point he'll either present us with the game or his suicide note.

Or they could be a total dick and do both. That's how it should be.

Go home kj, you're drunk.

Says the author of Roll To Die. 

Your useful abilities are locked away behind a few metric tons of red tape .

Red tape is what keeps the magic secretaries from taking over.

Anyone else want to perform a personalitectomy on Zanzetkuken?

I'm going to sig this as well.

Challenge Accepted

sigged.

You can take a mind control hat as a concubine?

I wonder if I still count as a hero after nearly breaking the game twice.

If that were an unfair fight I would have won!

those poor halflings that have to smoke your death weed

Yeah, it's like everyone forgot that my omnicidal persona in this game has been locked up.

You win this time, Beard.

Ok, so Scionox looks badass.
But Scapheap looks badAXE.
HAR HAR Lukeinator just gets left out of the awesome parade.

So does GWG.

You die first.

There's a difference between "lemming" and "suicide bomber"

Yes, but jokes don't normally result in decapitation.

You're doing jokes wrong then.

We don't plate our tanks in oil paintings, do we?

The Thread collides with an obstacle!
The Thread is flung off the tracks!

I'M WORKING ON IT.

Mastahcheese been workin' on the RAAAAAILROAD, all the live-long day!!

The Thread skids across the ground! x3

The thread collides with an obstacle! The topic takes the full force of the blow! The severed part flies off in an arc!

Mastahcheese is going to strangle you to death if you keep up with that.
(you're derailing the thread)
(stoppit)

Powder Miner fires a stern message!
The stern message hits the topic in the derail!
The derail is lightly wounded!

Thread cancels derail: Interrupted by !!sanity!!

The spinning !!sanity!! strikes the derail in the lower body, bruising the guts! The derail looks sick!

The derail vomits x8
The derail retches x10

squidgen hacks the derail in the lower body with his *adamantine battle axe* and the severed part flies of in an arc!
The derail has been struck down
Okay, now we're finished.

Supposedly my Grandfather nearly did not have kids simply because he hated crumbs in his bed that much.

I'm about to Xantalos the mountainhomes.

SOOOOOOOO glad I did not end up there

Well maybe if a certain wizard were using their powers to stop the flood, maybe one of the dwarves wouldn't have to sell off his house

Death has some yummy fruit bowls.

-snip-

Sigged.

YOU BASTARD YOU SIGGED MY SIG

Sigged.

That was on purpose.

Sigged.

I sig this sig.

Counter Sig!

Yo dawg, I heard you like sigs. So I put a sig in your sig so you can sig while you sig!

Well, I gotta say: that was more adorable when I thought it was used to kill people.

When you have a thousand writhing limbs, martial arts is easy.

Gold is weak. Stone is more versatile and from there I can expand into sand, dust, iron, lava, etc. From there I can expand further and further to total power.

This game is loosely based on Dwarf Fortress. Getting to lava IS total power.

And then Xantalos bites your head off.

Shit: June 21, 2011: A freshly smoked up Threetoe rap has been posted.

It was Past Me again. That bastard never fails to fuck me over.

What a perplexicon thing to say.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

We have pickaxes, weapons, and an extreme lack of common sense, I think we can get pretty much anywhere.

Oh, good, you're not in trouble with the police; you just have a stalker.

I need to stop encouraging you guys.

They're all nothin' but posers, Palm Pilot hosers, gettin' their wicks wet with tricks dat we've all seen before.
Shittin' in their forum 'till their wankery bores 'em, 'till dey shirk updatin' their RtD and come lurk our FG&RP.
DF. Lower Boards. Represent.

I'm unsure of whether I should run or throw a flaming squid. Hmm.

Both!

Well bollocks...

Well bollocks...

Well bollocks...

Well bollocks...

Well bollocks...

^What they all said^

Also, well bollocks...

(_̅_̅_̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅i̲̅j­̲̅u̲̅a̲̅n̲̅a̲̅_̅_̅_̅()ด้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็็็ڪ~

Spoiler: Commendations (click to show/hide)

You, mastahcheese, have earned 1,000 units of food. This does nothing for you but... It's nice to have.

That is one of the many reasons I respect you because while other GM's set a limit of 5 or 6 you go and wrangle 30 Mad sober bezerking dwarfs and make a masterwork artifact at the same time
Because your awesome 

You are now a player in a forum game on your own thread. I don't know what to say.

Just wanted to say great job from Mastahcheese here.

Damn. You da bes GM of all the times.

And you didn't give in and add "Derail" to the static portion of the title. This man is a god for putting up with us.
He doesn't need pity or sympathy. He deserves our awe. Though maybe a little sympathy wouldn't hurt.

Pretty epic. If only they made more GMs like the ones on Bay12, making games like yours, Piecewise's, and FFS's. The internet would be 9,000,001% better.

[Chink]

I always just assumed drug dealers were generous folks with a bad sense of how to run a business based on the fact they always want to give me free stuff

If you're doing it wrong, you're doing Failomancy.

Ok, we all agree on this, so can we please stop arguing now?

NO! Argument, argument! Rhetoric argument argument! Example argument, point argument argument!

Odd?

Come Christmas, I will be Xanta Claws!

Female human responded to request to date positively.

I see our efforts to make inroads into the dolphin population have been a great success! Anything to expand the Bay12 community.

Caffeine Free Mountain Dew. Oxymorons have never been so delicious.

A neckbeard giant stumbles out of the bedroom, a cloud of cheeto dust follows, blinding everyone, his beard hair irritating simon's muscular pecs.

THE GREATEST HORROR OF ALL

Baby you're not too strange, but you're just quarky enough for me~

I just want to watch the world burn. Easier to do that if I give everyone matches.

[flabort]

Small as my sig is, I forsee it getting large, quick. Especially with quotes with this much Awesome Quotient.

The space between dungeon floors... could be Betweenford's brain. Which would tie into the whole "The Warrens are basically the Matrix and Betweenford is Agent Smith" theory.

Oh god, did you break the CHAR LIMIT for your SIGTEXT, GWG?

That would be cool, but I don't have a consistent weekly schedule for my life, so one for forum games might be reaching

Slog's on the chart because we completed his Romance Sidequest by making eye contact with him.

I mean, come ON guys.

Hell, I get four pages of players signing up for my games no matter what I drop and start, so that's not even a concern.

That awkward moment when you have to say that the compliment was directed to GWG...

For the record, I really like the guy, but it's so easy to intercept a compliment.

Quick, I need advice: what does flabort do?

He spins and spins and spins around, where he stops your face is gone.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

-snip-

Sigged.

YOU BASTARD YOU SIGGED MY SIG

Sigged.

That was on purpose.

Sigged.

I sig this sig.

Counter Sig!

Yo dawg, I heard you like sigs. So I put a sig in your sig so you can sig while you sig!

Sigged, replacing old sig.

Sig pyramid!

Dammit, he just sigged the narrator. Well, now what? Who will keep us updated on the struggle?

This is like babies giving birth in the womb!

I'm not entirely sure which is worse, the fact that this analogy exists and how disturbing it is by its basis, or the fact that this isn't actually the first, nor even the second time I've heard it.

Debate over the physics of slade and gravity. Mostly gravity.

Just be thankful I'm not made of more slade than that, and therefore able to fall in negative time.

Wow, I got so unlucky, that it turned out good in the end.

It's like trying to make an explosion, and getting a black hole.

That thing has a higher cost for its ammunition that for one of his smaller ships in its entirety.

We have stared into the void, and it groped us, winked, and left a slip of paper on the table as it walked out, signalling for us to call it.

Goddammit stop twisting my words!

Well it's a thread that was never designed to be active, so it's kinda prone to slowness.

THAT JUST MEANS YOU AREN'T SIGGING HARD ENOUGH!

Stealing from other peoples' sigs? That's low. Real low.

that should be 'native' not 'naive'  Damn you, autocorrect!

[GreatWyrmGold]

I should have forseen this day...actually, I did. I just did nothing about it.

Spoiler: More Funny Quotes (click to show/hide)

Try scratching yourself with a knife.

AAAAAAH MOTHERFUCKING OW WHY DID I DO THAT?!

We should try making an origami swan with little sunglasses on or something. You know, when we're not being killed by a wisp boss or trying to rescue all of our friends

So a PC, an NPC, and an Adorable Mascot walk into a bar. The PC orders some sweet loot, the NPC asks for some meaningful dialogue, and the Mascot blorbles. The bartender is ffs and they all DIE THE END.

...After all, flaming psychos outrank everyone.))

Cyrielle remains outside, she takes an aspirin with a glass of water since as it turns out, temporarily dying from spontaneously organ failure causes massive headaches.

"Hm. Well, maybe nuclear airbursts will have to wait."

I just want to watch the world burn. Easier to do that if I give everyone matches.

I WILL WIN EVEN IF I LOSE IN THE PROCESS!

I thought about Odin piledriving a minotaur and things didn't really fit.

Don't kill me, secret service Xantalos.

Killing friends is not helping.

"You are not furniture,

((Piecewise! Turn yourself into candy!))

((Shadows are vulnerable to getting run over right? Grand Theft Auto: Dark Hour Now with drive-by swording and Jungian psychology.))

Shouldn't I be a glowstick covered in skittles?

Sermons of coughing and slow death from internal bleeding. Not exactly the sort of thing to fill the worshipers with happiness.

turns out touching magma is a bad idea.

((Oh fuck. @Ragnarok is going to be really confused about why we are suddenly discussing the nature of wolf erections.))

"*facepalm* You have got to be kidding me... his time with her is measurable IN MINUTES? Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with him? And if someone says 'love at first sight', they'll be tripping balls so hard for the next hour that they won't be capable of correctly operating the fucking pavement."

Well [shrubs] sort of are [promiscuous]. They don't wear clothes and they indecently expose their reproductive structures. Plus they spray their pollen everywhere. They're pretty much decorative, repeat sexual offenders.

((Why the hell is the talking cat the only normal one here?))

There is no problem caused by highly unstable experimental space magic being wielded by a crazy person that cannot be fixed by highly unstable experimental space magic being wielded by a crazy person.

Welp, atleast my legs arent axes.

Explanation: Your mother is in actuality an elderly man.

Yeah, I can be a bit of a sucker for geology and geophysics myself, but then Xantalos smacked his face into the planet and sort of made that a moot point.

"I have to agree with the troubled but cute boy there. Politeness gets you further than penile detonation."

"WHAT THE FUCK!? MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS BITCH IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC AND HATE FILLED!"

I never said she would be a good love interest.

Decorative reduced to 1 hp so we don't have people flying around in ships made entirely of gold leaf, mosaics and figure heads.

You walk into the wall.  Ouch.

...

You contemplate eating the candy spawned from some horrible otherworldly tentacle.  Man, you should go into politics or something.

Stacy realized that he had absentmindedly added the wrong parameter to the calculations. Instead of a rather wonderful obstacle that would have kept all of this under control, he seems to have accidentally caused the twilight of the gods.

I agree. Shooting bacon-flavored Obama out of an artillery cannon just isn't enough.

Strangely, this almost makes sense in context.

((Unfortunately said teacher is currently distracted by some students trying to adopt her.))

It's really quite unhealthy so slowly bleed to death.

[G]enerally, if something's designed to mitigate bullets, it will probably mitigate massages as well.

((Solemn cursing.))

I[t] wasn't every day there was a wedding between students. But then again it wasn't everyday two female students knock each other up. Or adopt one of the members of staff. Come to think of it, some of the new students were quite odd, so perhaps he shouldn't have really been surprised.

Ohh pick me I can, um, melt the ball?

((I believe melting the ball and/or opponents would be classified as foul play, so liquify the ground beneath them instead.))

You should have thought of that before having teenage bisexual horse bird orgies on the third day of school.

<Stop being a wuss. You got more volts when you got tazed that one time in Budapest.>

"... YOU FUCKING SHOT ME. THERE IS A HOLE IN MY FUCKING FOOT."

So the two characters that people seem to have the most problems with are our supposed traitors? ...not very good traitors.

A female me?
...
Sounds sexy.

"Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ASSHOLES I'M TRYING TO SLEEP."

And he's got all the powers of zeus. Well, the lightning at least. Not the "Turning into a swan and fucking random ladies powers" though.

"Engaging murder protocols. Target isn't moving. Engaging waiting protocols. Waiting."

>We're trying to liberate the human race from Bureaucracy, not its panties.

For her stroking hair is a prelude to sexual intercourse.

Genman: Bungee-jumping.

...Sir, you're still on the ground.

Today I had hamburgers for supper. They were delicious. BUT THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE DELICIOUS IF THE MOUNTAINHOME EXPLODED.

You too can have your legs cut off for the betterment of the rebellion!

...

I just love the way you so nonchalantly say to knock them out. One has a rifle that shoots burning poison, the other is a psychopath with an amp and the third is a deep sea fangly fish with electric powers. And you're like "OH YEAH BROTHER, JIM'S GONNA RUN WILD ON YOU!" and flexing all four pythons.

...

Jesus, it's like you guys haven't even read this post I'm currently writing. It's right there! At the top of the post! Geez guys, it's called Precognition. Get ahead of the times.

...

As per friendly teammates, you got a name? Because we're in a bit of a pickle otherwise. Most of your teammates are either on fire, comatose in the middle of a card game or bumping against walls like birds trapped in an outhouse.

((ER is funny like that.))

Death has some yummy fruit bowls.

((Heh, I would imagine... "Did one of our sowers of death accidentally create life?" "Yeah man, either she's trying to add stuff to her resume, or she really screwed up on the whole killing part of her occupation".))

Дружина is not a gang name, it's a type of war-oriented social structure.

...lungs into kittens doesnt help survival.

"The booze goes well with the mandatory suicide missions"

((Not really. Then again, if it waddles like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck and may just fire a giant invisible beam of death and destruction, I'd rather not take any chances.))

"We're fighting against semi-sentient turnstiles."

...

Why an immortal would need to cower is beyond me...

...I'll have to mace you, dude. And I don't mean pepper-spray. >:c

Also, a midget just exploded behind you.
It's gonna be one of those days.

((Only in the HMRC do we react to a messily dead teammate by trying to calculate the blood spilled everywhere.))

((Yes, that was the exploding midget.))

((those souls would have been mine if my arcane sword wasn't a toothpick...))

Why are children on a sustained repeating death row?

Aw c'mon, would I have done it if we had any chance of dying?

"Yes..."

((Who needs safety when you have grenades?))

Sigaholics Anonymous Cancels Store Item: Frowning in Disapproval

GreatWyrmGold cancels Sig Quote: Interrupted by Irony.

I've been a lot of black holes on a lot of floors.

So apparently your character got beaten by, and swore revenge on, a girl in a coma.
I guess there's only so much competence Blood [sort of a super-serum] can give.

"Miya, I would greatly appreciate it if you did NOT destroy the building we are attempting to climb while we are inside it."

To think that I missed an opportunity to make it look even worse.

a sack of omnicidal potatoes.

No offense, but currently your plans seem to include being eaten by an impossibly incomprehensible, otherworldly alien being.

Warrens: where even the GM's mistakes are incredibly deadly.

I know that's a rickroll without even clicking on it.

I'd sig this, but I'm tired.
Someone do it for me.

>We does this, We does this. Welcome to the HMRC. Accidental nuclear detonations are the rule, not the exception. Now nut up, come to terms with the fact that the destination of your trip is now an irradiated crater, and calmly follow the robotic swordsman and his genetically modified cat girl in their search for the invisible assassins.
Sanity status: Gone.

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I INVENTED MINDLESS PANICKING !

((That second one makes sense in context.))

Could we have Maru ride on Kalnaf's shoulders as he rides on Steffan's shoulders as he rides on Orgarr's back?

Orgarr approve of plan. My people build tower like this. We call totem pole.

((Indiscriminate nuclear mass murder: The solution to all crossovers.))

YOU DON'T LIKE PUNCHING WITH FIRE?

DO YOU EVEN CAPTAIN FALCON?

Falcon punch has nothing on falcon sledgehammer.

Playing bagpipes on a banjo? Sounds tricky.

((Damn UWM and their army of professorXs.))

"Well, that was rather impressive, if contrary to our mission objectives..."

"I am... become death, the destroyer... of worlds... And disabled people."

"Yeah.  Was getting a little bored, to be honest.  Kinda looking forward to getting back to nukes and instant psychic death.  Just the thing a guy needs to know he's alive, you know?"

...if you're producing so much smoke with your woodstove that the alarm of your neighbor's house goes off repeatedly, you're doing something wrong.

((Aaand now we're boned. Again. Funny how one gets desensitized to bowel-clenching danger if it happens enough in a short time.))

Look for any other hostiles that might be trying to sneak in on us.
((No, blood does not count.))

Miyamoto, combat paperweight, keeps an eye out for more homicidal pieces of metal and text messages his friends.

[...]

Aw, not even some sort of cool matrix display? Real computing is lame.

((Necromancy is kinda time consuming.))

(I give general permission to sig anything I say if anyone wants to...)

Defeat any potential cannibals in our midst. Like that guy who's trying to eat people.

also try to hook up the torrent to the black ships AI.

Hook up a torrent on the Blackship's computers?

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE PIRATING MUSIC!

...

((My last action was literally 'Go board the blackship', after Maurice 'Fixed' my brain.))

Man a gun! Or the radar! Or anywhere that is useful and not currently occupied!

Hmm...I'm not sure what you can man on the blackship that isn't already manned...
You go sit on the toilet and make race car noises.

((Oh man, I'm already lost as hell.))

((don't worry, the only important thing you missed is that I'm not a lizard.))

Please stay. Death is the only permanet solution to weakness...

Also discipline and working out.

Cannabis, cannibalism, what's the difference?

((I knew it would be a good idea to shoot the kid! Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type.))

I'M BACK!!!...and almost dead 

The crack doesn't respond because it's a crack.

((So somehow the GM himself missed the fact that this had updated.))

"Parole? I don't think the infirmary gives paroles, especially not to necrosis."

Remember that time the human spaceship pile drived a man to death over the TV remote?

This may not be a suggestion game, but for now we can still attempt to influence the game through the medium of peer pressure.

She didn't need it as much as I do...

Steal from the poor, give to myself. Classic.

"You killed a puppy!"

"Self-defense!"

Sorry stubby, people who are cut in half outside of a magic show usually don't fair too well.

...

Pieces of shrapnel through the lung and heart make it hard to wake up.

...

((The shrapnel is just channeling old school DF arrows that could pierce both lungs, an eye, a knee cap, nose, and big toe all at once while completely missing anything around those parts))
You give steve back his arm and he takes it with a bemused sort of expression.

...

You walk into the infirmary and start shouting about getting your unconventional hairplugs installed. They seem a bit busy though, what with all the injured and half dead people.

...

"M'lord! The people of Vergon 8 are starving!"
"Power up the mass accelerator."

...

((This shrapnel is particularly angry about you having limbs.))

...

Simus assists in getting wounded into the Infirmary.

This action seems very fashionable these days.

...

Please feel free to declare her your space queen later though.

It was an...interesting turn.

((Clearly the secret to her power is caffeine.))

((FUCK. YOU. ALL.))

((Huh. He only just submitted the sheet... Guess that's a new record.))

((Wait. Are you thinking about taking MORE 'evil eldritch being attractor' pills?))

((Of course not. "Taking" implies controlled dosage. "Overdosing on" is far more suited for this context.))

"Oh, same old, same old. My guy and his gang are trying to sneak past a prototype tank turret, Angel is losing a fight with a Spiderdemon, Alan and John are riding around in a couch... The usual."

((The group with two guys and a ninja has way too much licking going on. Just saying.))

"Aha! My common sense is tingling!"

After all, we did manage to jump into a piano and now we may or may not be in the middle of being stalked by a piano-dwelling predator.

>Go down that hall, out the hanger door, hang a left and climb up onto the Cage structure until you find an elevator down to the ground level. Then look around for what looks like a 4 armed marble statue with an anthropomorphic cat riding on it's shoulder.  He'll take you down into a physics defying flesh hell where you will learn the meaning of regret.

...

You know, I remember there was a time that I could take an image of any event going on it just might NOT resemble what happens when LSD is mixed with Magnetic poetry.

((I rather enjoy [English] personally. Probably because I'm too lazy and incompetent to learn any other languages ))

Never hire lemmings as diplomats, apparently.
...
Alright so Lars team, you have 1 turn to react before your two more clumsy members attempt to negotiate with the ground via their face.

Good thing Giant dad is all brawn and no subtlety. Blows to the head do surprisingly little to him.

Oh, you mean the other biomass terror.

((Hey now, in my defense, it was for science.))

You use your mouth to thank mesk.
Neither of you ever spoke of it again.

((Oh great, I'm going to have to shapeshifter sex the entire fourteenth floor into submission, aren't I?))

Before detonating a bomb (even one of that magnitude) over the planet on which I supposedly live, first you must question why I agreed to a duel where the weapon is surprise, and secondly why I challenged you over a phone. Third, whether or not I am on that planet at the moment. Fourth, what your butler is doing with your heart in his hand.

Hooray, death!

I want to be a sentient blob of STDs.

You're aware this will reduce how many parties you get invited to?

Extol affluence.

"I say we should get money!"

<You attach a bracelet to a seal one time and no one lets you live it down!>

Where I used to work, Code Black stood for Severe Weather hazard.

If you consider fiery plasma death a form of weather, this remains accurate.

Who needs breastfeeding when you can drink the blood of sacrificed deities?

Interpreting the bible as a non-literal book of moralistic fables  akin to Aesop's tales rather then a literal be all, end all guide book for everything from morality to science?
Oh Ti, what a silly, unamerican idea.

((Which results in the realization that cooking requires more rolls than assembly line creation.))

"Now, I'm not being mean but someone who can summon Japanese marital aids aint that speacial."

Stop ruining my insanity with your accursed logic!

You wanna fire burning gunpowder backwards, into your face, in order to rocket propel your fist? You been playing MGR?

...

Where you wanna look? We've got a radioactive crater, a burnt pile of metal, a ruined building...

Is it that time already? Geez. I'd get mad my alarm clock didn't go off it it hadn't collapsed into a pile of grayish, zero energy molecular flotsam.

Your analogy does not help.
It makes it worse.
Thanks.

Because god help me if I let you fucking use tinker while you're on mission.

You have to be there.

Because as everyone knows, real mages don't use strange old rune, they use genetically engineered cacti.

"I fucking just stabbed my fucking boyfriend in the like, chest! How the fuck can you be okay with that?!"

"It happens."

EU: "United States! United States! Quick, Russia is bullying Ukraine because the people there wanted to join us!"
US: "... But you guys HATE it when I get into stuff."
EU: "Yeah...  but... we don't like talking to Russia! He's scary!"
US: "... sigh..."

Do vampires have a faster terminal velocity than normals?

Cain is an insane murderer, not a role model.

So what if you have a -2 to conventional? It's only an 83.3% chance of failure.

WHAT IS WITH BAY12 AND MAKING MY MEALS PROJECTILES IN FITS OF LAUGHTER?

I have a feeling that fixing planets and such is soon going to be the least of your worries.

Become the GWG Slayer.

PROTIP: KILL HIM FIRST

...Wait a second...

Greatyrmgold! For the future of this mission, you will give me that foot massage!

Oh, the siggability of that message! Unfortnately it is a PM.

((Why can't it be extroverted magic lesbians for once?))

After all, throwing animate objects is like throwing inanimate objects, but with the object-to-be-thrown performing more wiggling.

First successful Kerbin orbit to Munar encounter: check.
First successful Kerbin orbit to Munar encounter to Munar orbit: check.
Enough fuel to de-orbit after a Kerbin encounter: check.
I feel good.

Edit: Scratch that, I'm crashing into the Mun.

((I now have a mental image of a very bored-looking Socrate idly tapping his foot whilst his gaze is half-locked onto his decrementing HP-bar, irritated that hemlock doesn't have a higher HP/turn loss.))

Kext hasn't even done anything too bad yet aside from liberally napalm-striking icemen and nearby unfortunates.))

Well if your career path is "shanking people" then living free for long enough to meet TWO victims with chainmail and broadswords is...actually kind of impressive.

"Garden Variety" around here seems to be alien pigs and bursts of flame. Not to mention the unfortunate accidents that keep happening to limbs. I think I'm going to go cry with physics over here in the corner.

Admittedly this was deserved narcissism, but narcissism nonetheless.

...drop the armed nukes...

I'd like to point out that dropping armed nukes is a terribly unsafe way of attempting to defuse a situation involving armed nukes.

Woah woah woah. When I said dance in the artificial rain, I ment the water from activating the fire alarm, not a random fountain of blood.

Dammit freeform, of all the purposefully shoddy work mine has to be Actually Shoddy.

....You aren't gonna build a tablet out of scrap from rusting cars.

"A part of you is trying to kill you..? ....do you want to talk about it?"

I'm pretty sure penises are required for being a man.

Part III: Revenge of the Sig

[monk12]

Oh god, did you break the CHAR LIMIT for your SIGTEXT, GWG?

[Xantalos]

Oh god, did you break the CHAR LIMIT for your SIGTEXT, GWG?

I'm nearing that limit.

[flabort]

Oh god, did you break the CHAR LIMIT for your SIGTEXT, GWG?

Speaking of sig text, this is sig worthy.

[monk12]

Oh god, did you break the CHAR LIMIT for your SIGTEXT, GWG?

Speaking of sig text, this is sig worthy.

Your post has two sigs, and they're both me.

awesomeface.jpg

[flabort]

Coincidence. I lost any quotes I had before, and both quotes I snagged when I started the extsig happened to be you.
Go ahead + feel awesome, though.

[freeformschooler]

This sigtext will be forever used to store posts I deem both excellent and historically significant.

fuck I carnt see cause I'm at school and the pictures wont load will post action tonight if the world isnt exploded

Spoiler: The only picture I've ever made that matters (click to show/hide)

[monk12]

That's a worrisome quote to append "historically significant" to.

[killerhellhound]

I found something I wanted to keep so here it is
“Welcome to the Human Experience Express, I'm Marshall, and I'll be your conductor.  Keep your hooves and forelegs inside the conveyance at all times.  We at the Express hope that you'll enjoy your stay here, but due to the critical scarcity of fucks given, your experience may vary.”

Also (at freeformschooler) we managed to fuck the world in two days without even trying.

[Dansmithers]

To explain, I am over weight and I did that thing where you chuckle but don't quite let it out.

Is Dorf!BFEL's unit now a magma snake? Because that could be awkward/lethal/really kinky depending on the partners fire resistance.

Dansmithers

Dansmithers stop

Why are you doing this

You can't just keep bumping a thread for no reason

One of the minor gods attempts to plant Yggdrasil in the metaphorical seed of hope. [6}-1=5 - Due to the current state of everything, this works. He alone is able to ride out the changes, as everything else collapses, and the other gods are destroyed. Eternities later, everything is once more stable, and Smitty alone rules all in a universe he alone will shape.

Name: Smitty Werben Jagerman Jensen

Ugh, what a universe this will turn out to be ...

If he jumps, can I shoot him with my pistols as he's flying?

If I jump, can I throw my saber at him?

NO ESPERANTO IS WHAT THEY SPEAK!

GODYESTHANKYOUILOVEYOUSOMUCH.

Limachartamancer

High-Magic Settings: We even have magical secretaries!

Red tape is what keeps the magic secretaries from taking over.

The insane side of (the) Zanzetkuken(s) turns towards the newcomer, "Who might you be?"

"Lemme tell ya in song:
-snip-

GODDAMMIT NO YOU ARE NOT THE BOOGEYMAN FROM THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

[Iceblaster]

I have decided to make a post on this sig thread so I am not doomed to having only a few bits for a sig... plus I want to be forever memorialized.

Sigs will come whenever the hell I have new sigtext.

Spoiler: Qoutes (click to show/hide)

So imagine Bruce Lee, except he's a horse, and that he has 4 horse-legs for walking and 4 Bruce-Lee-legs for kicking in skulls.

Okay, sometimes the cooling systems fail and the soldiers inside die in the heat, but that only happens 34% of the time.

Fortune favors the bold but evolution favours the last one with a functional reproductive system.

Or somesuch.

An apple a day keeps the dentist away.  You threw an apple at a zombie.  Zombies don't need dentists.  The formula for finding the effectiveness is

Number of apples divided by necessary number of dentists.

Obviously this causes a problem, as the universe tries to figure out if it needs infinite dentists or negative infinite dentists and flips it's shit.

To be honest, the mental image of a bunch of cables coming down from a treehouse is rather amusing.

It doesn't have to be mental anymore!

No. I refuse to be anime.

We don't want videos of forging. We want videos of you decapacitating someone or something.

Bondage love, is best love.  Toys sold separately.

Spoiler: Because Self quoting is fun! (click to show/hide)

Oh by the way, Lycaeon, your pony is in love with Ice... Good luck XD

Quick update

We have upgraded our farm, added onto our workbench area, and gotten migrants. Also an interior drinking area was made. Also our protectapony decided to rip three balehounds a new one.

All hail our steel-coated savior, the bane of balehounds, the hero of legends, the amazing... uhm, did the protectapony get a name?

Somepony gets a mood and what do they make? A FUCKING BUCKET! Why! Why can't they make something useful like a door or something because we have atleast TWENTY masterwork doors, why not get us an artifact door! I should just name this fort Fallout:Equestria Apple-WE GOT FUCKING DOORS

Somepony left something in the diner and it got rotten! Why would anypony leave a fucking bighorner kid corpse on the fuckin' table!

Spoiler: Have some Links (click to show/hide)

My long dead community fort. Fallout Equestria: Apples.

Based loosely off of Replica's Fallout Equestria canon, I happily jumped onto the bandwagon and soon found sticking to a canon is hard. Also the 'Story bits' were my first forays into writing, please ignore those for your health, but do read if that suits your fancy.

Former avatars stolen from Kryptid

Because why not.

FIMFiction collection of Duskfields

Here I try to collect Duskfields onto Fimfiction, similar to Paaaad's Dawnpick Collection. Updates are rare due to frequent procrastination and the like

Ave! Dance with Caeser!

Legate Lanius, Caesar and the Burned Man having a dance contest... or something.

My first real case of !!FUN!!

Because I felt it needed to be documented.

My Steam Account

Totally not asking for friends

Joshua Fucking Graham

Totally someone I would be fine with cuddling with/surviving with hehe.

Whence forth we came from Zion.

Joshua Fucking Graham with his standard gear.

My FiMFiction Profile

Totally not begging for followers

Adam Jensen here.

I didn't ask for mist piss fish wrist this.

An Avatar here.

Uh... Insert witty comment here?

Original Picture for Above avatar(nontrasnparent)

Yaaaay.

Motherfucking paralyzed Tailow

Killed by a motherfucking paralyzed Tailow. Let me ask you a question. How'd you get killed by a motherfucking paralyzed Tailow. It's paralyzed, and it's a sparrow!

A sexylicious avatar that you know you love~

You know you like it baby~

See me fail at being a Tactician.

LAST UPDATE: FOREVER AGO!

I have been 'scaned

[DETECTIVING INTENSIFIES]

Desu Kawaii!

An anime'd version of my SS13 character. Made with this

SMILE DAMNIT!

I really love it when you smile smile smiiile~.

I have done nothing but force memes for three days!

VHERE HAVE YOU BEEN POSTING IT!?

I will not accept failure on my team!

Now get out there, and make me proud maggots!

Let's go practice medicine...

I don't zhink we brought enough body bags...

Sorry to 'pop-in' unannounced!

Peek-a-boo!

Hi Dashie!

We're gonna make cupcakes!

Halloweeeeen

Halloween birdie.

Pirates pirating!

Spoilers: I never watched pirates of the carribean. So no witty comment here

I pass butter for a living.

well at least i'll be good at lobster parties.

Drider~!

Insert witty comment here.