Well, it's not SenZar, I'll give it that much. On we go...
(I'm not trying to be particularly negative with this list, BTW, it's just that these are things I've noticed that you might be able to improve upon. If I don't mention it, either I didn't notice it or I think it's solid.)
-Learn to use Microsoft Word. The built-in table of contents functionality is 8,000,000,000 times better than writing your own out. It's not hard; you just use the header styles. (If you're using Word 2003 or OpenOffice.org without a style palette extension, urdoinitrong.) Also, less bolding and crap, hard to read.
-Obviously this is a draft, but if you were to distribute it widely, I'd strongly recommend getting a friend with good English proficiency to edit it first.
-Explaining the fluff--classes and statistics--needs to come before character creation. You should not place rules that rely on core information before that core information is introduced. In D&D, for example, you can mention magic and the casting of spells early on, but detailed rules should come after the topics are covered in detail.
-That's not what Psyche means.
-Rule quibble: while it's an interesting idea, as a rule of thumb, rerolls slow gameplay, especially combat, down a lot. (Anyone who's ever played Shadowrun, with the Rule of Six, is wincing and nodding.) You have to place this stuff in context: does it make it more fun to play? And if it does, by all means keep it, just be aware of the potential pitfalls and make sure it's worth it.
-What's the point of the "class abilities"? It seems like an extraneous mechanic that could be rolled into Skills without an issue. Also, why restrict abilities to a single class? It's a rather weak form of differentiation.
-Another rule quibble, but some of your roll tables (jumping, for example) seem rather arbitrary and a little foolish. For that one in particular I think that I would call it "can jump as far in meters as the Jump roll"; it creates a more normalized distribution of who-can-do-what. Normalized distributions tend to be more balanced in gameplay (and can be further adjusted while playing) and often form a very good starting point if you don't know exactly how to handle something.
(I'd go read a stats book before writing a pen-and-paper game. Knowing how your dice work is very valuable.)
-Catch-all "Knowledge" skills often seem arbitrary and a little shoe-horned. Might want to look at how Shadowrun 3 (SR4 does it too, but I don't know it as well) differentiates Active and Knowledge Skills. It works nicely.
-This is just intuition speaking, but the costs of your traits seem low and are tiered a little strangely.
-Some rules are in strange places. The penalties for weapon non-proficiency are just tucked randomly in with traits. Doesn't fit.
-"Permanent items (such as bionic limbs) that increase various attributes also affect the other abilities. These modifications remain until the item is removed." - Pretty sure removing a bionic limb's gonna cause more problems than just dropping a couple stat points...
-Movement speeds...what? Do you know how fast 15 Km/h is for people on foot? And that's a 6, that's not unreasonable given your dice structure.
-Mmmm, critical hit tables.
-Oh, and to reiterate: learn to typeset. Tables should not go onto multiple pages without new headers. It's very hard to read them. The fact that your PDF doesn't have bookmarks is making me want to shank you, because with Word and a PDF exporter (not CutePDF), they're trivial.
-Logic problem: why wouldn't nanites be available to citizens in this world? I kind of assume that once we invent them, they're gonna be everywhere. I can buy armor-piercing ammunition in the real world without much trouble, why can't they buy these?
-Your weapon listings are precisely where you want tables. List out the fluff text in the body, put the stats into a table. (That said, some of the guns are pretty cool.)
-Your augmentation rules are kind of wacky. I get where you're going, but hard limits like "only four augmentations!" is, I think, shortsighted. I would suggest developing a system where there are tradeoffs to adding more implant technology. (Again, as this is kind of a transplanted setup for what it seems you want, check Shadowrun or maybe Cyberpunk 2020 - both are the iconic "plug shit into your body to be badass" games.)
-Randomly noticed: why are eye augmentations so cheap? A lot of item prices seem a little random.
-Beware of vehicle rules. They fuck up everyone's day. Never seen them done particularly well. This is another thing that should be addressed before you start listing them off, by the way.
-Will look at the rest of your fluff text later, but that seems to be it for the rule sections. They're just way too vague to even be playable in their current state. There's a germ of a good idea in here, but it'd take some work to tease it out.
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Topic: Should I try again? (Read 1791 times)