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Author Topic: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?  (Read 7552 times)

Truean

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Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« on: February 08, 2010, 03:41:27 pm »

It doesn't  even seem to matter what the argument is... sadly.

I don't get what the point is, because it seems to me that this kind of stuff just pisses people off. Nothing is accomplished and sooner or later everyone starts calling the other side names. Working in a law office, I've seen this first hand, only our clients typically also complain about their legal bills after the fact. I have literally had clients spend $6,000 to argue over who had custody of the cat in a divorce! Neither of them even liked the cat, but just wanted to hurt their ex and were willing to pay to do it.

I understand that different people have different views, but there are some objective indicators of quality right? (Though absurd, the cat example above shows that it's pointless to blow money on the cat). 

Seriously, why can no one focus on facts or at least well articulated opinions with supporting reasons rather than emotional crap? People spend thousands of dollars on this stuff in my office and I don't get it. Sometimes our clients are right, others they are wrong, and still others, it's a toss up, but every single one cannot face the possibility that they might be wrong. It ends up costing them and strangely enough, benefiting my boss and thus me. I suppose a job based on human conflict is pretty stable, but I'd like to understand it better.

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ToonyMan

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2010, 03:55:06 pm »

Emotion high.

The people are emotion high, it makes you act all feverishly and you get all snappy.
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2010, 03:55:24 pm »

People hate to be wrong. They hate it so much that they'll argue futilely in an attempt to not be wrong. This will always be the case. Anyone who's ever lost an argument, no matter how polite the other side was, has, in most cases, felt like shite, and nobody likes feeling like an Irish take on the word shit.
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ToonyMan

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2010, 03:57:06 pm »

The toughest men can admit they're wrong.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2010, 04:13:08 pm »

There's a surprising number of people in the world that have yet to learn humility. Too bad modern society doesn't preach the virtues of humility like our Roman forebears did.
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Aqizzar

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2010, 04:41:07 pm »

Too bad modern society doesn't preach the virtues of humility like our Roman forebears did.

That's a joke right?  I know you're making a joke there.

Anyway, in regards to the subject - Hi there, I'm Aqizzar.  I don't believe we've met.  Speaking seriously, yes, people really don't like being wrong, especially when it comes to a broken relationship.  It has to be someone else's fault, because if it's not, then it's yours, and that just can't be right.

Except on the people complaining about the bills thing.  You deserve every bit of crap you take for that and much more, ya robbers.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2010, 04:43:16 pm »

I just didn't want a single sentence post, so I added the first thing I could think of.
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Truean

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2010, 12:15:14 pm »

Quote
People hate to be wrong. They hate it so much that they'll argue futilely in an attempt to not be wrong. This will always be the case. Anyone who's ever lost an argument, no matter how polite the other side was, has, in most cases, felt like shite, and nobody likes feeling like an Irish take on the word shit.

I think we have a winner.

Quote
Hi there, I'm Aqizzar.  I don't believe we've met.

Hi there, I'm Truean. Now we have. That was fun. :) Nice to meet you.

Quote
Except on the people complaining about the bills thing.  You deserve every bit of crap you take for that and much more, ya robbers.

Funny you should mention that. My boss is actually an expert witness on the reasonableness of attorney's fees and I'm working on a case like that right now. The other lawyer overcharged the crap out of this one guy. My boss only charges $185 an hour, which isn't bad for a 40 year veteran lawyer with his own law practice. This other jerk isn't half as old and objectiony as my boss and he's trying to charge $375 an hour! Not to worry, as long as they keep the Wild Cherry Pepsi coming, I will continue scrutinizing and ripping apart his overinflated billing statement.

Common over billing practices include:

-Charging 20 minutes for a 5 minute phone call.
-Charging 30 minutes to review a "notice of hearing" (a little slip of paper).
-Charging lawyer's rates for basic secretarial services
-Having vague billing descriptions like "cut and paste ORC 4715 and charging 675 for it.
-Charging interest when none is provided by statute or contract.

This latest defendant has all of them and more! :D:D So I'm gonna be busy for a while, but yeah, good things I suppose.




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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

chaoticag

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2010, 12:39:12 pm »

It isn't so much as being wrong as it is trying to be right in some cases. The thing is that people who fight are afraid of not fighting because they don't want to look like doormats. There is also the bit that they might turn out lucky and win the fight when they were at fault, giving them benefits over other people. Makes an example out of other people, especially since no one wants to deal with a "MINE MINE MINE!" mentality.
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Blacken

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2010, 12:47:24 pm »

Because it's fun, and I have long ago realized that nobody really "debates" with any allowances for possibly being wrong. So torch 'em, at least then there's a laugh out of it.
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Aqizzar

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #11 on: February 09, 2010, 05:36:53 pm »

Quote
Hi there, I'm Aqizzar.  I don't believe we've met.

Hi there, I'm Truean. Now we have. That was fun. :) Nice to meet you.

I glad you were nice about that.  I was actually being arrogant there and flaunting my stance on argumentative honesty.  Thank you for taking it kindly, and I hope we have interesting conversations.

My boss only charges $185 an hour, which isn't bad for a 40 year veteran lawyer with his own law practice. This other jerk isn't half as old and objectiony as my boss and he's trying to charge $375 an hour!

This is kind of what I'm talking about.  You're proud and impressed that he charges $185 an hour?  I think $100 an hour might be reasonable.  It's a professional job with professional pay.  Like an auto mechanic, but with a little more training and a lot less broken knuckles.

-Charging 20 minutes for a 5 minute phone call.
-Charging 30 minutes to review a "notice of hearing" (a little slip of paper).
-Charging lawyer's rates for basic secretarial services
-Having vague billing descriptions like "cut and paste ORC 4715 and charging 675 for it.
-Charging interest when none is provided by statute or contract.

At least now my lawyer is starting to make sense.  He demanded $1000 up front and $2500 as fast as I could pay it, then had the audacity to charge me $150 for a half hour of phone calls (if that much time) when some paperwork needed shuffling.  For a case to get the fine reduced from $1500 to $500, and then backed down from that too.  And he was the cheapest guy in town.
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MrWiggles

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2010, 05:37:19 pm »

I like debating. I find it thrilling, in some sense, and I enjoy the mental exercise it offers, and the interesting avenues of research it often provides. What I dont like when debating, is when the other debater is less read on the subject then you. That drives me bonkers, and happens frequently.

From my experience, we give emotion more credence then actual facts. 'It feels right' is more important then 'its factually correct'.

Most peeples form an opinion on how it feels. No one forms an opinion on the basis of believing they are incorrect. So you get this weird mess of emotional invested 'of course I'm right. If I thought it was wrong, I wouldn't think its correct'.

Then because its an opinion, its suppose to be immune from examination and criticism. An opinion can be wrong.

Although I think its largely because no one knows how to debate. No one likes to be wrong, and it seems to be a common belief that no one is ever allowed to insult 'me'.

Since the opinion is generally emotionally formed, any dissent can be viewed and insulting...  Since there is a general lack of tools for debate, you go with how you debated as a kid, you yelled louder get emotional. Bleh.

I like debating, really and I like being proven wrong. Its that moment when I have to reevaluate my position, and take a good look at it that I like.

I however, also like winning debates, the mental masturbation can be lovely.

Concisely I think it has a root of lack of critical thinking skills.
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Truean

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2010, 09:56:48 pm »

Quote
I glad you were nice about that.  I was actually being arrogant there and flaunting my stance on argumentative honesty.  Thank you for taking it kindly, and I hope we have interesting conversations.

Awesome-sauce

Quote
This is kind of what I'm talking about.  You're proud and impressed that he charges $185 an hour?  I think $100 an hour might be reasonable.  It's a professional job with professional pay.  Like an auto mechanic, but with a little more training and a lot less broken knuckles.

Well four things here though:

a.) He works pretty fast and well. He's sort of a gray old blur of activity, which is impressive at 74 years old.
b.) Going right in there with "a" he doesn't have to research as much as normal lawyers do cause he's been doing this forever, hence the faster thing. Less time, less money. He will never retire but rather die in the office.
c.) That's only for billable hours. Most of the time he doesn't even bill some of what he could. Other times, you have to wade through the crappy unbillable hours (like balancing a dead person's business accounts/expenses) to get to the billable ones. I cannot tell you how many checkbooks I have balanced and we got paid zip for it. *shivers*
d.) Yeah, but have you seen law school tuition lately? It doesn't take over $120,000 to become a basic auto mechanic. In this crappy economy, financing that much is a major pain even with federal loans. Not to mention giving up 3 or 4 years of your life. Don't even get me started on the regulatory hoops you need to jump through to be licensed to practice law. Then there's representing people I sometimes think are assholes for what they did.... i dunno man, we might have to agree to disagree about the auto mechanic stuff. 1/2 the people who start law school drop out in the first year, it's really hard and a major pain in the ass.

[ends rant] :P

Quote
At least now my lawyer is starting to make sense.  He demanded $1000 up front and $2500 as fast as I could pay it, then had the audacity to charge me $150 for a half hour of phone calls (if that much time) when some paperwork needed shuffling.  For a case to get the fine reduced from $1500 to $500, and then backed down from that too.  And he was the cheapest guy in town.

Can't comment without knowing what he really did. We also charge for phone calls, because you're purchasing legal advice really. if we didn't do that, no one would make an appointment, they'd just call, get it for free and we'd never be paid, even though it's time out of our day. Some firms will charge 15 minutes for a 5 minute phone call. My boss will charge 6 minutes, because he makes a detailed note of it in scribble only he can read (I like to think it protects attorney client privilege). Your guy may have screwed you depending on what he did, I dunno. Phone calls are a common source of overbilling via stating more time than was used though.

Basically, an honest lawyer will support his charges. We typically do, unless it's so obvious that brain dead, spongebob watching acid trippers, who can't tell if they are the hallucinatory chipmunk or not, could figure it out.  ["Trial"]

Quote
Concisely I think it has a root of lack of critical thinking skills.

We have another winner?
« Last Edit: February 09, 2010, 09:59:32 pm by Truean »
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Blacken

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Re: Why do people argue and fight instead of calmly debate?
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2010, 10:15:23 pm »

You're proud and impressed that he charges $185 an hour?  I think $100 an hour might be reasonable.
Feel free to find one that'll charge that.

I charge between $75/hour and $100/hour for web development, and I'm pretty sure a lawyer's worth more than that.
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