I've been busy playing Floris Expanded Mod for the last few days and just need to get this out of the way.
*Ahem* Fuck Swadians and the horses they rode in on.
I swear to god I have never been more enraged by a virtual entity then by the Swadian nobility. My month as a hired mercenary with Swadia exposed me to stupidity the likes I've never seen in Mount and Blade Warband. Let me start from the beginning, to adequately paint the picture.
Before this whole thing started I had been making a living romping between Nord, Vaegir, and Swadian land bashing in the skulls of any ne'er-do-wells I could find. I was playing a foot army at the time with my personal skill mostly vested in archery and sword an' board with a few companions acting as personal bodyguards (Read: Meatshields) for when things got dicey. My army consisted of mostly Swadian soldiers, specifically Swadian longbowmen. For those of you who don't play Floris longbowmen can put an arrow between the eyes of an enemy soldier half the map away and I had be using them extensively. I eventually got to the point where my warband was too large to chase sea raiders (My target of choice at the time) with any kind of appreciable gain and decided I needed a new way to earn denar and renown. I decided I'd try my hand at being a mercenary as I'd never done it before and figured since I loved Swadian longbowmen I ought to enjoy working for them just as much. Oh how wrong I was.
My first hint at the ineptitude that is the Swadian military machine when I went seeking the lord offering a mercenary contract. I found the man relatively quickly, he was the one leading a 600+ army passed me towards some random Nord castle. I quickly sign up with him and think "Rad, I'll get to see some action sooner than I thought. I'll run to Dhirim to restock then double back towards the war party". I take the short trip and arrive just outside the city. To my surprise it's under siege and currently fighting off an army off around 400 angry and I can only assume drunk Nordmen who have whittled the defenders down to a few dozen men. I think "Hrm, maybe the Swadians just plan to take back the city later" and let the city fall. I head to Suno instead and go about buying supplies, noticing King Harlus with a stack of 300+ units patrolling around completely oblivious to his falling city. A day or so later I see half of the Swadian army I saw earlier. Apparently the marshal couldn't keep the lords in tow and they all ADD'ed out before they could even siege the castle.The marshal in question got replaced shortly after.
I spend the next week taking it to the few Nord nobility I come across and rake in some serious denar in the slave market as a result. I eventually get a summons by the new marshal to assemble a force for a new campaign. I quickly find out where the hell he is (Why the hell do they never tell you by the way?) and join him at at nearby castle. As I'm doing this I notice the Nords are sieging Suno. Thinking this is the reason that the campaign has been called I'm not surprised when we start to head of in the direction of Suno. As we near I see a relatively large band of Nords, maybe 500 or so, surrounding Suno. The band I'm with outnumbers them though so I'm not all that worried. I ride towards Suno, eager to cause some damage when I notice the Swadian war party veers away towards the city, swinging around the besieging Nords and heading to another random damn castle on the Nord's border. Long story short I die on the ramparts of Suno as the city falls, throwing axe right in the noggin while some inbred nobles pat themselves on the back for taking a castle in the middle of fuckin' nowhere. I eventually break free from captivity and retreat to Praven, the last Swadian city. Lo and behold, Harlus is still there patrolling around Praven like everything in the world is perfect. Queue another week of me training up new Swadian soldiers to replace the losses I suffered at Suno.
At this point I'm just waiting for my mercenary contract to end so I can just get the hell out of Swadia before I get dragged into another campaign to die a pointless death. My luck does not hold up however and I'm pulled into one last campaign. This time I make sure to ask the current Marshal (The last one got replaced shortly after the fall of Suno) what his target is. To my surprise the Marshal is assembling an army to retake Suno! I depart towards Suno with the large army the marshal has assemble, my hopes high that maybe my mercenary contract might just end on a high note. Everything goes well and we arrive at Suno with no problems. No Nord parties come to the aid of the now occupied Suno and my hopes soar even higher. We're actually going to take the city with no problem. Whatever odd timer the AI uses when it sieges clicks and the battle begins. But wait, what's this? Why are all the nobles heading away from Suno? The hell? Come back you cowards! To my astonishment only two of the lords moved in to take Suno the rest heading back into Swadian territory, resulting in 143 Swadian soldiers attacking a 400 NORD (You know, the guys that excel as stabbing people at close range) garrison. I say "Fuck it" and charge in, winning the day only because my Swadian longbowmen cutting a swathe through the defending Nordsmen on the wall thanks to their lack of ranged troops and inability to leave the ramparts to engage units outside the wall. I come out of the fight with most my party dead, my face beaten to a pulp and, since I'm a mercenary, a measly 400 denars in loot. The city gets awarded to one of the nobles that ran as soon as the siege started.
My contract ends a few days later and I get the hell out of Swadia, vowing to one day return and destroy every god damn person of Swadian Nobility.
Author
Topic: Mount and Blade (Read 670098 times)