I dedicate 20 minutes of boredom to YOU, B12'ers.
I wrote this in a Bay12.exe in my harddrive.
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To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Urist CrashedUniverse and I am asking for your help, stranger. Please, listen to my story... You're my only hope.
After finding that strange glowing artifact deep in the belly of the mountainous caverns, pulsating with unknown power unlike any seen before, I hid it in my wolf hide backpack and smuggled it into our fortress. Though Towerguard is a grand marvel of architecture, my fellow Dwarves would not understand the tantalizing pull this odd whirring box has. After many days of careful tinkering and observation I seemed to have finally activated it. Engraved at the bottom are all sorts of letters and odd symbols unlike any I've seen before, though they reminded me of a Dwarf-made map of our surrounding world. Was it some sort of code that I must complete to find what's inside the box? Hmm...
It would suffice to say that I completed that code, stranger. I completed that code, activated those engravings, until finally the mechanical box sprung to life. The extended square section began to glow, displaying more of those odd engravings.
On the box I saw a single descriptive engraving, and it puzzled me. What could /boot mean? What damning deity would do all this to me just to tell me about a boot! Angered, I touched the engravings for / and spelled out 'sock'. In a brief moment my entire room began to glow with a solid blue light, a horrific metallic cacophony of hell simultaneously sending shivers down my spine while piercing my skull like a spinning silver war-hammer. I screamed aloud in shearing pain from the assault of this blue box of death, the engravings for Window, crash, and error being all I remember. As the bone-chilling screech of demonic bells reached its crescendo, my world was enveloped in blackness. That's where things got weird...
Soon enough I woke up in a white-walled room with nothing but a wooden table and chair without any quality. Really! My kidnappers must be Elves, because everyone knows Dwarf-made stone furniture is of vastly superior quality and value! Ahem... Anyway, I see the glowing box resting upon the table, though the blue glow has been replaced with a set of green bars with inscriptions upon them. For many hours I fiddle with a small black designator, some sort of mapping tool that fits in the palm of your hand and allows you to designate commands and objects on the glowing box. I decided then that I would use this magical box to find my way back home, no matter who or what stood in my way...
Since then, I have been trapped in this room, being fed no-quality cow-meat roasts and pots of water through a hole in the ceiling, surviving without any alcohol at all. Its a wonder I'm still alive! I've discovered that this magic box has the power of a thousand levers built into it, capable of nearly anything the mind can engrave. I have been here for months now, my eyes gazing at this glowing mechanical artifact, in hope that someday I may come across someone who can release me from this booze-less prison.
Will you be the one to free me from my prison? Will you be the one to return to me the sight of my blessed mountainhomes, so that I may bask in the glory of goblin slaughter and drink until unconsciousness? Please, you must listen... You must help me... Help me find my way back home.
You may contact me at
NeuralSynthesis@hotmail.comWith grandiose respect and utmost faith,
Urist CrashedUniverse,
Dwarf Adventurer/Proficient Hacker
Author
Topic: Slavehack - protect your IP! (Read 352419 times)