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Author Topic: You are a shrubbery.  (Read 9505 times)

Eztuzt

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Re: You are a slightly larger bush.
« Reply #30 on: January 23, 2010, 10:07:09 pm »
Evolve into a shrubbery

[Edit]I own page 3, you must do this.
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In August of 1943, while serving as skipper of the PT-109, John F. Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury and an even more chronic boning-induced-exhaustion, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. His fucking teeth!

RandomNumberGenerator

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Re: You are a slightly larger bush.
« Reply #31 on: January 23, 2010, 11:23:43 pm »
Develop thorns that can be shot at enemies!
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mainiac

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Re: You are a slightly larger bush.
« Reply #32 on: January 23, 2010, 11:40:32 pm »
Evolve the ability to speak into people's minds!
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
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Sensei

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Re: You are a slightly larger bush.
« Reply #33 on: January 24, 2010, 01:10:48 am »
Hoo boy, many requests. Lesee...

1- Replace pollen with spores, add L1 mind control to spores
2- Increase walking speed
3- Become flesh-eating
4- Gain flowers and thus domain over insects
5- Evolve into a shrubbery (grow more bushes)
6- Develop thorns (will need another level to shoot them)
7- Gain Telepathy
8- Critical levelup! Reroll twice! (cannot gain 8 on reroll)

Now let me get my 1d8... (7) Telepathy! You can now communicate with creatures that are within 30ft.

Let's review our current status:
Level 4 (500XP needed)
Size level 2
Movement level 1
Erotic Topiary level 1
Telepathy
2 corpses
1 kobold prophet (may only spread The Word to other kobolds)
You are evil and holy

Rumor of a killer kobold seems to have attracted a small angry mob (5 peasants). What do you do you do?
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Tradanbattlan

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #34 on: January 24, 2010, 01:29:40 am »
Release a special gas SPORE into the air that will make the mob our slaves.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 01:40:22 am by Tradanbattlan »
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Rose

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #35 on: January 24, 2010, 01:37:13 am »
ferns DO have spores.

so grow some, and make a start on your army.

use your telepathy to lull the peasants into complacency, and have the kobold take them on (but only if the peasants are sufficiently complacent)

Spoiler:  Relevant (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 01:39:04 am by Japa »
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hillburra

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #36 on: January 24, 2010, 02:13:28 am »
Use your telepathy and erotic topiary skills in heavenly synergy in order to make the peasants do lewd and disgusting things to each other until they are too tired to stop your kobold prophet from stabbing them. Then get your kobold to find water for you to drink/absorb/osmose.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 02:15:34 am by hillburra »
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Cheddarius

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2010, 02:26:37 am »
> telepathically force most charismatic human to make rousing speech on racism and why they should embrace kobolds, not hunt them
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Sensei

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #38 on: January 24, 2010, 03:12:36 am »
Quote from: Japa on January 24, 2010, 01:37:13 am
Spoiler:  Relevant (click to show/hide)
Well, remember that you have grown in size and become an erotic topiary... yeah, just try to picture that. I dare you.

You try to mind control them with your spores! You shake off soem pollen and... nothing happens because you haven't upgraded it. You order your kobold to go fetch you a pail of water, and try to distract the mob. By shaking around, you manage to gain their attention. Then you tell one of them that racism is BAD. He is convinced that you must be a token of his god, Metalhead. You're not sure how you can get them to follow the way of the One True Bush, but they've forgotten they want to kill the kobold, for the moment. 200XP gained.
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Rose

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #39 on: January 24, 2010, 03:25:35 am »
use spores to grow mini ferns (this is a built-in fern ability)
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Cheddarius

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2010, 03:50:32 am »
> Telepathically boom, "BRING EARTH AND WATER FOR THE SERVANT OF THY GOD! METALHEAD COMMANDS THEE!!!"
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RAM

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #41 on: January 24, 2010, 08:56:20 am »
Search their minds and find the most disillusioned of the peasant, Speak to it as the One True Bush(tm). Make it your champion and instruct it to slay the surrounding plants that are competing with you.
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Eztuzt

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kobold.
« Reply #42 on: January 24, 2010, 02:32:35 pm »
Urinate on the corpses.

Evolve into a shrubbery.
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In August of 1943, while serving as skipper of the PT-109, John F. Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury and an even more chronic boning-induced-exhaustion, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. His fucking teeth!

Jreengus

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kob
« Reply #43 on: January 24, 2010, 02:36:50 pm »
Wither and die due to over exertion.
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100killer9

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Re: You are a slightly larger erotic telepathic moving evil holy bush with a kob
« Reply #44 on: January 24, 2010, 07:45:51 pm »
Use your erotic topiary to get them to get it on, starting an orgy which distracts them as the kobold kills them under your command.
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