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[Duke 2.0]

The damp night caused the rocks to become slippery and their clothes to cling to their skins, but the two figures huddling against the elements were determined to escape the pursuers by morning. It was only along the cliffs of their friends house that they could escape the law, who had snuck up on the house in the dead of night.
 There had been a robbery. The only evidence that was found on the scene was a coat that was known to belong to NewMars. Fortunately, due to his friends he was able to receive word of this event before the cops were able to find him. He knew he didn't do it, but he had no alibi. There was nothing holding him from being accountable. He had to flee.
 The barking of dogs signaled the couple on the cliffs that they had not yet escaped. NewMars took a bag from his companion to ease her load and tried to hurry her along. The waves of the sea beneath them saturated them and weighed them down, making the course increasingly difficult. If they were caught he would be hanged. Their only chance was to escape together.
 Now the woman could vouch for him, but NewMars would not let her. They had spent the night in their passion, and because of that he would not let her alibi be used. For you see, Reasonableman was NewMarses best friend. And the womans husband.
 After hours that seemed like days, one slip away from death after another and nothing but the drone of hounds growing as loud as the sea they finally stumbled upon a cave. It was half-submerged and the entrance would fill and empty with the small tides, a danger larger than that of the law following them. But they could not continue, so they braved the cave.
 Wracked with cold and soaked through, they would surely die. But at least this way they would die wrapped in eachother, huddling for warmpth as the seas lapped at them.
 Together NewMars and Little defied those that wished to drive them apart.

 ...

 BLEAUGH

 I... I need to take a shower. I also take no responsibility for this. I have shows my ability to that which issued this dare, and now I shall be on my way. I hope the forum as a whole can ignore this topic and leave it to die in the pits of whatever damnation it belongs.

 But yeah, intentionally crappy forum romance fictions. Share yours.

 Edit: Edited for obnoxiousness.

[WorkerDrone]

Jackrabbit cocked his Luger. The patter of rain swept into the cold of the house, but no light flicked on. "I know yer in here!" A hand flicked a switch and the room lit up like a Christmas tree. "So you found me. Bravo Jackrabbit. Bravo. But you didn't expect me to bring friends."

Jackrabbit glowered. "You said you would come alone!" He swerved his aim to Itnetlolor, then back to Tack and finally Cthulhu. "So you brought company huh? Thought that'd stop me from taking back what's mine? Where is she!"

Itnetlolor cackled. "She's right through here." He stood aside, his cohorts following suit. A single door stood in Jackrabbit's path. "This is a trick." Itnetlolor smirked. "What have you got to lose?" Jackrabbit rushed forward, his hand gripping the handle, pushing inward. "VEST-"

The revolver went off, sending Jack sprawling downwards. He gripped his profusely bleeding arm, grasping for his fallen Luger. Someone crushed his hand underfoot. He looked up, as a lighter went on. "Hiya."

Jackrabbit grew pale.

[Cheddarius]

Bacterium #1 ("Backy" for short) stroked Bacterium #2 ("Bacto") with his slimy, lipidinous cilia. "Oh, Backy! You know we cannot consummate our love! We produce asexually by mitosis!"
"I don't care, Bacto! We'll find a way!"
"This doesn't even make any sense! How am I speaking or even thinking without a nervous system?"
"With the power of LOVE, Bacto!" Backy declared, holding Bacto close with his pseudopods. Bacto, overwhelmed by his virile vacuoles, wiggled her flagella in excitement.

Then, some guy washed his hands. They all died. The end.

[Willfor]

Didn't this happen before? With unintentionally hilarious results?

And by hilarious I mean mass apologies, and warnings, and possibly a ban?

[Duke 2.0]

 I'm really not sure. However, I'll be sure to keep an eye on this and make sure to lock it if anything goes too far.

 Also, some rules:
 1. This is romance fiction, not slash fiction. This not about 'hotness' but hilarious sappiness.
 2. No fictions about yourself. They all gotta be about other people.
 3. Try to keep these things independent of eachother. And nothing based around VN or forum culture. We don't want this to become like the roleplays of old.
 4. Don't include me in the love 5-dimensional tesseracts .

[WorkerDrone]

Don't infringe upon my artistry man.

Okay yeah, keep to the guidelines people.

Don't get crazy.

Also no to the last rule, I already have a role for you in mind.

[cowofdoom78963]

Duke 2.0 sat upon his glorious golden steed. A whisper of wind flowed through his curly golden hair like water around rocks in a pond. He wore a hauberk elegantly drapped around his body. He was off to meet the lordbucket, the king of England for a very important mission.

He finally arived at the castle. A voice sounded from the portcullis. It was gruff and flowing like the ocean and as salty as the sea. "Aye. Ooh goes dere?"

"It's Sir Duke Wellington the second! Good marrow to you fair citizen of these sacred walls!" cried duke back at the voice.
"I have an appointment with the king!" duke also said.

"Wheres ya papahs?" the voice said from behind the portcullis. A arm extended from the gate. duke put the papers in the hands and waited for them to be examined. "Dis is da right stuff!" the voice screamed in jubilation. The portcullis rose like the wings of god and let duke into the castle. The man at the portcullis lead duke to the king. "Aye mi lord, dis is dah won dat u summoned for." the man said to the kind lordbucket.

"He has da right papahs mah lawd." the man concluded and did a bow.
"Very well then Dante, now away with you!" said lordbucket. Dante bowed again and left the room. "Hail my good fellow! Now what is my buisiness here?" said Sir Duke 2.0. "Ho and hither sooth!" said lord bucket. "pray tell let me tell you your mission" he continued.

"The mighty dragoon Taco Dan is ravaging the country side. Go forth and smite this ghastly beast. Take my sword with you! It is a holy artifact and will cut off the limb of whatever you hit with it." And lordbucket gave Duke the sword with the picture of last supper on it.

"Aye. I shall weild it with great honor and bring you glory." Duke said.
"FOR ENGLAND!" Said lord bucket and he raised his goblet.
"FOR ENGLAND!" Dule replied and raised his sword.

Then duke went to the evil cave of Taco Dan. "TACO DAN COME OUT OF THERE YOU'RE ATTACKS ON THE INNOCENT SHALL COME TO AN END TODAY!" he screamed holding his sword up in the air. Suddenly the evil wizard Aqizzar came out of the cave. "oh ho ho! To enter the dragons lair, you must first awnser my three questions fair!" Duke stroked his chin and thought over the proposition. "Very well then Evil Wizard. Out with it you foul man of the black arts!" Duke said.

"What is black and round and in cannons can be found?" Aqizzar questioned. Duke stroked his chin and thought...
"For sooth it must be a cannon ball!" duke said. Then Aqizzar screamed and was sucked back from whence he came.

Duke nodded in self pleasure and went to face the dragon. It was quite the beast but alass it had no limbs becuase Urist Footkerchief the dwarf wrestled it before and ripped off its limbs while eating kittens and choping down trees and running away from carp and magma. And then he ran away unharmed.

The dragon breathed fire at Duke but he blocked it with a sheild. "For SOOTH. THE DRAGON CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY THE MEANS I HAD ORIGINALLY THOUGHT!" Duke said. Then he took a momment to think..."If thy dragon dosent have any limbs I shall craft one to sever off!" So duke quickly took off his hauberk with a picture of a dragons head on it and put it on the dragon.

"ah ha foolish beast! Your days of pilaging and plundering have come to an end!" and duke chopped at the dragons head and flew off killing the dragon.

When Duke returned to the castle he was regarded as a hero and was made the new king of all of england!

THE END!

[JoshuaFH]

That was non-romantic and nonsensical! Aqizzar didn't even ask three questions! He just asked one easy one and then went away.

Bravo anyway CoD.

[Outcast Orange]

I think it was brilliant.

Any more from you?

[Cthulhu]

I'm 12 years old and what is this?

[Aldaris]

Although I always find myself incapable of writing this kind of thing, I have an idea. It involves Duke and Aqizzar fighting their evil clones Duck and Aquizzar, with swords. On a huge sprawling battlefield.
With all sides screaming the line 'THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!'.
If anyone thinks they can write that, please, please do.

Awesome work so far.

[WorkerDrone]

It has to be romantic, so don't cry to me if Duke makes out with Aquizzar half way through.

[cowofdoom78963]

That was non-romantic and nonsensical!

intentionally crappy forum romance fictions. Share yours.

[WorkerDrone]

Ahahaha.

Clever. No no.

Really this time. We have to give this one to Cow.

[Armok]

I had SOOO high expectation of this thread...

I say, this shuld be redone on the New VN, New VN style...

Bacterium #1 ("Backy" for short) stroked Bacterium #2 ("Bacto") with his slimy, lipidinous cilia. "Oh, Backy! You know we cannot consummate our love! We produce asexually by mitosis!"
"I don't care, Bacto! We'll find a way!"
"This doesn't even make any sense! How am I speaking or even thinking without a nervous system?"
"With the power of LOVE, Bacto!" Backy declared, holding Bacto close with his pseudopods. Bacto, overwhelmed by his virile vacuoles, wiggled her flagella in excitement.

Then, some guy washed his hands. They all died. The end.

Damn, why can't I remember what that thing is called?!? Gah, I shuld know this! The thing where there i9s a bridge betwen two cels and a plasmid is transfered.