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[Outcast Orange]

You guys are all insane.
The real world is nice and toasty,
 and for that matter, so is the internet.
That's because the internet is a reflection of the outside world.

Also, Armok is much too rude to ask things of people shyly.
He would probably just knock her out cold and drag her off to a scary place.
Then leave a bunch of vague critique and suggest the impossible.

; )

Other than that, I am really enjoying this thread's short existence.

[Outcast Orange]

Armok and Qwerty are once again in a battle of swords,
 slashing and clashing and bashing the daylights out of eachother's rhetoric.

Armok blares out:
 "You need moar physics! Just add them in! It is the easiest thing eva!"

Interrupted:
 "Don't listen to him fair citrus! He's a veil knave from the darkness!"

"I am god of all dwarves!"

"Poser!"

"Keyboard scratch!"

I sit on my rug blatently,
 preparing a bowl of sliced apples for my dear haunted lantern.
It hisses menacingly in anticipation of the juicy plump tenders.
Qwerty and Armok pay no head.
All sorts of things can be heard flinging from their lips.
Erroll stirs in the corner,
 after searching through some crumpled documents for far too long,
 he finally bellows:
"These trees are shit! Age*height *mumbles* max height is less than zero!"

Armok ducks under a fearful swing, before countering:
 "Maybe you should add in all three!11!!!1! Oh yeah, and moar physics!"

I yawn humbly, while looking in distain upon a bowl of something not quite like spaghetti.

Qwerty is presently battling off Armok with one hand, checking his pocket watch with the other.
"I'm bored," he says, and saunters off.
Armok looks disappointed.
He grabs the front of my armorz.
"By the way, add moar fiziks."
And with that he's off to help G-Flex troll the rest of the known universe.

I tip my head to the side, and sigh heavily,
 because all my programmy friends have run off to do more important things than work on their games.

Nearby, Jack Bread can be heard rustling through tall grass,
 his tail twitching in the wind.
He can smell apples somewhere,
 and this time he won't have to scour that giant tower to get them.
At least it was better than the time he got trapped in that goblin/mushroom cave,
 and that horrible woman thought he was going to rape her.

I sigh heavily again.
Things sure have gotten wierd around here.

---------------------------

I apologize heavily to everyone involved.
I don't feel any anger towards anyone,
 just trying to caricature their personalities somewhat.

Also, I think some of my references may be too vague,
 so feel free to point them out with appropriate quotes.

[Vester]

This thread is messed up.

I wholeheartedly approve. (WHY AM I DEAD)

[Akigagak]

First you were either kidnapped or leading Jackrabbit into a trap, then you got seduced by Sofia/Janet while Cthulhu and Aqizzar had a fight, then you got killed.

[Cthulhu]

This thread is messed up.

I wholeheartedly approve. (WHY AM I DEAD)

You got hit by a rollercoaster.  Reading comprehension, bro.

Anyway, I just had an idea for the story.  Duke, you'll have to change the thread name to Intentionally awesome forum romance fiction.

[Armok]

Yea, this thread is just maed of win.

[ToonyMan]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Lil'Cal...

[Cthulhu]

Well, I'm stuck in the student lounge at college until 4:30 because I had a test and got out early.

I guess I'll write chapter 2 now.

The True Cost of Sexy Love
Still a Noir Romance
Still by Cthulhu
Chapter the Two

Duke 2.0 stood, and extinguished his cigarette.  "Smoking kills," he said, "That makes two of us..."  Making his way across the rooftop, he came across an air-conditioning unit.  "This will do nicely" he muttered in a way that was still badass even if it wasn't cool and clever like most of the things he said.

Duke tugged at his left hand, pulling off a skin-colored glove.  Under it was a gleaming metal claw, inhumanly strong, but somehow small and feminine.  Looking at it, it brought back memories, memories of broken hopes and pneumatic face-punches.  There was a flashback coming on, but I don't want to give it away so early.  Trust me, it'll be worth the wait.

Using the glove's super-strength, he peeled away the covering of the air-conditioner and started pulling out machinery until he found a vent leading into the building.  There were probably easier ways to go about getting into the building, but Duke was a Dwarf Fortress player.  Dwarf Fortress players never take the easy route.  He slid down into the vent, saying something really noir and witty, but it was drowned out by the air-conditioner around him.  Oh well.

Meanwhile, one week ago; so actually not meanwhile, Duke was at Vester's Funeral.  He wasn't crying, though.  He was a man.  Standing at the funeral next to him were Aqizzar, Toonyman, WorkerDrone, Janet, Itnetlolor, and all the other members of the weird little forum-clique we seemed to have develop.  Cthulhu, was nowhere to be found, having not been seen since his out-of-control rollercoaster ramped off of a hill and flew into space.

Standing next to a picture of Vester was Jakkarra, giving the eulogy.  "As we stand here to mourn our dearly departed Vester, let us not think of the bad, like how her thread quickly decayed into nonsense whenever she was missing for a day.  Let us think of the good.  She cared about those who requested of her, and always did a top notch job.  She cared about puppies, and died trying to save one..."

Duke froze.  He had told no one of the puppy.  The only other witness was Cthulhu, and he was in space now.  There was only one explanation.  The revolver in Duke's vest (They were all wearing vests, as a sign of respect) seemed to twitch, hungry for vindication.

"You killed Vester, you bastard!" Duke shouted as he drew the gun and fired.  The flying bullet hit Jakkarra in the chest!  His heart was pierced!  Like a sack of plump helmets he fell, blood staining the sacred ground.  All was utterly silent, as Duke proclaimed his evidence,  "No one knew Vester died to save a puppy!  It was obviously a setup!"  With immense effort, Jakkarra rose slightly and labored to speak.

"Y--You told me she died to save a puppy, Duke...  Come on man..."  He grew pale and collapsed on the ground, eyes glazing over.

Duke suddenly remembered, he totally did tell Jakkarra about the puppy.  He mumbled "I, uh...  I've got a doctor's appointment with the doctor... and stuff..."  He quickly left the funeral.

Aqizzar stroked his iron stubble,  "Who's gonna do the eulogy now?"

IS TO BEING CONTINUE

[WorkerDrone]

Jackrabbit gnawed at the chains he was bound in, unable to get his sharp teeth a good shot at the Titanium bonds. The pyromaniac Janet sat there, bored of watching him struggling against his bonds, and pointedly disallowed from having any...fun...with her captive. Itnetlolor let the feeling of victory swell up before approaching Jackrabbit. Jack glares. "So what do you want?" Itnetlolor considered this, stroking his chin. "Well. You idiot. The ruse was to catch you and turn you over to the Secret Police. I mean come on. My crew can't take the fault for that robbery. And I thought pretending to nab your girl would make things easier."

Jackrabbit growled. "She's NOT my girl." Itnetlolor shrugged. "It got you over here, right?" Jackrabbit waited until his captor was done nudging and winking at him. "Alright, alright. So you caught me. You however, didn't expect me to bring company!"

The two cohorts shared glances, breaking into laughter. "Who did you bring? The angry one or the one from space?" Itnetlolor nudged Janet. "You took care of the first one right?"

Janet nodded. "Yuppers! Out like a baby." Itnetlolor nodded sagely. "The Martian.Well, he's a little more sane. But gullible. He just took the wrong directions is all." Jackrabbit continued to grin. Itnetlolor stared. "What?"

A massive...chin? Tapped him on the shoulder. "I believe you stole this young lady's tablet." The massive chin bashed Itnetlolor through a wall. Quickly undoing Jackrabbit's bonds, they managed to knock out the rest of the Cohort with ease. While Vester kicked at Itnetlolor for taking her art device. "That's not nice!"

And so the police came and Jack's name was cleared. He and Aqizzar shared a beer, and he even got a date with Vester...which...went okay. Until Jack ate the waiter.

Mars is still looking for the bad guys. He was last seen somewhere south of the border.

And WorkerDrone? Yeah. We don't know where he is. Somewhere dark and scary probably.

[sonerohi]

I hope you understand what this thread has done to me. What I will soon do to it. I am right on the FUCKING EDGE RIGHT NOW about going to the library, renting Twilight, and word for word copying a chapter, but with forumites.

[Jackrabbit]

Hey guys. I figure, I'll skim read the last page to see if anything catches my - what is this.

[Akigagak]

I hope you understand what this thread has done to me. What I will soon do to it. I am right on the FUCKING EDGE RIGHT NOW about going to the library, renting Twilight, and word for word copying a chapter, but with forumites.

That's an awesome idea. I might try it with one of the Song of Ice and Fire books.

[Leafsnail]

Haha.

I'll see if I can get my work out by tomorrow.

[Cheddarius]

one day sweet bro was goin to play games
BUT THEN HE WAS FALLING DOWN SOME STAIRS :O :O :O
and then jeff was liek i warned you about stairs bro!!! but he didnt listen
later sweet bro was in the hospital and he was watching some HASS THE ROCK
and then HASS THE ROCK had the rock and then HASS THE ROCK was banging your mom he he he
but then hella jeff said uh dude why are you in the hospital
and then sweet bro said i fell down some stairs!!!!!! but hella jeff said he he he i warned you about stairs bro!!! and hella jeff said but you are a hot god and they had a bro hug bump!!!!!!
and they did it man
they MADE IT HAPPEN
but then later geromy came and he was like hella jeff i HASS THE ROCK and hella jeff was all lets bro hug bump!!!!
and sweet bro was all and hella jeff was like lets drink some milk man i gotta get my pour on and geromy said WHERE MAKING THIS HAPPEN
and they HASS THE MILK
and sweet bro said in my dream hella jeff is a hot god but now he is geromies hot god
and sweet bro fell down the stairs again

[ToonyMan]

i WarnEd yOu aBOut thE sTAirs BRO