Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[NRN_R_Sumo1]

Shoot him across the map with a draw bridge into the turtle pond.

[globofglob]

I suggest you simply make an example of him. Make a small 2x2 enclosure in your dining room or meeting room out of glass walls. In this enclosure, put weapon/spear traps in the floor. Make sure the weapons are made of wood or other cheap materials. Keep at least 2 squares accessable from the top, to make sure you will be able to throw down booze and food to him. For extra torment, stick him in there with a well and deny him booze. All weapon or spear traps will be connected to a lever on the outside(or inside, if you prefer) or the cage.

Build a trap door, 2 or 3 z-levels above this enclosure, and attach it to a lever. Use the trap door to drop Turtle into the enclosure. he'll be injured, but alive. Throw food/booze down to keep him alive, or use the previously mentioned well idea.

Every month/year/designated period of time, pull the lever connected to the weapon traps to spear turtle. Make it a sort of ritual. And since there are glass walls, every dwarf in the fortress shall be witness to his torment.
edit: Ask for turtles from every caravan, and keep him on a turtle-only diet.                                                                                                                                                                         

[NRN_R_Sumo1]

even better than a well, give him a trough to drink from, which is manually filled by other dwarves using buckets from a nearby well.

He will emo due to filthy water... bahahaha.

[Luna]

Make him live like a turtle. First, equip him in full turtle shell armor. Then lock him in a muddy, partially flooded room. Only allow him to eat fish and make him drink from the water on the floor. Make sure one of the walls is glass so other dwarves can see. Occasionaly release predatory fish into his room. He won't be very useful locked in there, but it'll be entertaining, right?

[The Architect]

That's very creative, Luna!

Kudos.

[Argonnek]

I'm pretty sure that dwarves won't drink water on the floor, just have a one tile pool full of water for him to drink from.

[WagglyCocks]

It seems to me that he needs incurable brain or spinal damage.

Equip your militia with weapons, and draft the fucker. After enough sparring with no armor or weapon he or she should eventually become maimed. Then you can rename the dwarf "Charles Gordon" and reassign them to fishing duty, where they will continue to stand in front of the pond and have a legitimate reason for their worthlessness. Charlie can sit and babble and empathize with his fish for the next 90 years and at least you will have an explanation for it.

Should the poor bastard be killed instead, you could erect a glorious tomb, a monument to the grand failure!

I had a soldier once who refused to spar and instead spent all his time shuttling food and water to the injured, so to teach the others a lesson, I assigned him a glorious royal bedroom, which I immediately walled off when he went to inspect it. I never re-opened it. The opulent room of nickel and bones remained to frighten whoever would defy the will of the gods.

[Cheddarius]

How about this (incorporating some other ideas here):

You have a walled-off section of lake where there are some turtles breeding. Have a long path to a place with a craftsdwarf's workshop and fishery. Trap the path with spikes that are all linked to a lever in the main fortress. Force Turtle to catch turtles to eat (sustainably harvesting them; this means starving him if the turtles get too low). He has to drink from the lake, too. And he should craft turtle shell armor from the turtles he catches. Every year or so (with a few years for him to get a head start), have someone pull the lever and impale him as he walks through the path. He will be forced to catch turtles and starve himself if he wants to live, and craft as good armor as he can get if he doesn't want to be impaled. Have a small channel where he can dump his old armor, and thus be useful. If he is impaled and injured to the point where he cannot work, make a 1-wide floor over the lake, build a bed on it, have someone enter and drag him into the bed, and deconstruct a floor on the path. He will drown in the lake that gave him life. Once he dies (through drowning, impalation or whatnot), recover his body if necessary, then bury him in a Royal tomb with as much turtle bone/shell decoration as possible (make sure to put all his creations in there; possibly have him produce some sort of turtle-bone studded things to decorate it).

[Ze Spy]

ya know what?

TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM , INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE , BERZERG , BERSERK , GOBLIN ZERG RUSH , ENDING SCREEN

thats what happened when i killed someone who could ran off for food while fighting , so ya better watch out

still , he might have caught the turtle , then left it on the floor because there is no stockpile for food , or you did not process the turtles , causing no shells , still , surviving outside after a all-out siege is pretty awesome , either kill his lover , wife , or something , but not him directly.

[The Architect]

"Punish him by killing the woman he loves, but leave him alive."

Damn, man, you have a serious mean streak. I'd take death rather than see certain people suffer, if I knew my death wouldn't make them suffer more.

[The Dog Delusion]

It seems to me that he needs incurable brain or spinal damage.

I'm going to challenge myself to use sentence this in a conversation in real life.

[The Architect]

It seems to me that he needs incurable brain or spinal damage.

I'm going to challenge myself to use sentence this in a conversation in real life.

Which one? Both seem equally impossible to fit into a conversation, unless you are speaking with a psychopath or a severe dyslexic.

[Cheddarius]

"Doctor! This man has split brain personalities, and his left brain is mindlessly launching nuclear weapons at random superpowers!"

[Heliomance]

As far as punishment goes, I would catch some turtles and assign them to a cage with a lever linked to it, in an arena.  Draft Turtle and station him in the arena.  Save and quit, and mod the turtle entry to make them size 2 normal critters, with a normal bite attack, and [liKES_FIGHTING].  Reopen the game, lock the arena door, and pull the lever.  After the fight is over, mod them back into harmless vermin.  I think that will work.

If he dies, he gets a turtle-shaped tomb.  If he lives, he stays in the military as a wrestler and is outfitted with turtle shell armor (made from the slain turtles from the arena), and is sent out first to deal with the next siege.  And then the turtle-shaped tomb.

If he survives that, he's clearly redeemed himself by sheer awesomeness.

I like this idea. It has the potential, should he survive, to produce a new Forum Legend.

[Rotten]

Here's my idea, based off a few others posted already.

In a heavily trafficked area of your fort, dig out a largish cave, with one side glass so dwarves can all see. Build a small wooden hut, with a bed and a well inside. Build a device that can flood the cave to 2/7 level of water and use it to muddy the cave, then drain it off.  Build a farm plot, and dig a lake that turtles spawn in. Also trap the entire cave with spike traps- enough to hurt him, but not so much he'll die and not be able to drag himself to bed. Also make lots of masterwork meals. Dump a barrel of seeds in the house. Build a Fishery, Craftsdwarf workshop and Brewery in the cave. Finally, link up all the traps to a lever next to the glass wall, the flooding device to a lever next to that one, and create a way to dump food in, and for him to dump trash out.

Now stick Turtle in, however you want. Set him to farming, harvesting, brewing, fishing, fish dissecting, refuse hauling etc. and make him farm the farm plot, then fish. Once he catches a few turtles, have him dissect them. Then forbid the corpses so they rot. Once you have a shell, use it to make armor in the craftsdwarf workshop. If it is below a minimum quality, activate the spike traps.

Occasionally dump a masterwork meal into the cave. When he starts eating it, spike him again. While he's passed out, take the meal away (is that possible? I think you can dump it).

Also occasionally release wild animals into his cave. Maybe knock him out or lock him in the hut, build the cage, wait till he wakes up or you let him out and release the animal. Make sure it cant kill him, just hurt him. Irony- mod in turtle monsters that do gore damage.

Makes sure this is all he does. His life should be extremely boring, punctuated by the traps every now and then. Randomly flood his cave to 2/7 water, so he'll be miserable. When it drains, make him farm and fish again. If he ever makes masterpiece armor, spike him, flood him or give him a wild animal to quell any happiness he may get from it. You may also want an emergency knock-out lever, in case he goes suicidal. Don't want him to kill himself too early! If you're feeling really mean, dump his family in there too, with injuries that wont let them work (like yellow spine wounds). Then he has to feed them too. Maybe cut his farm in half so he chooses between feeding himself and his family- if he doesn't eat, he starves and they all starve, but then he has to give them less food. Maybe order him to dump any surplus food he makes, so he's always on the edge of starvation.