Turn 1410Location: Somewhere near the center of the galaxyCoin flip: heads. This turn you only know the location of the herd of quantum buffalo but not their speed, giving them -1 dodge but +1 accuracy and damage.
I attack the non-euclidan geometry mages with all my holy fury!
1. The non-euclidan geometry mages make the shortest distance between two points not a straight line, so as you charge at them in a straight line they sneak up behind you along a twisty path and (6, 1+1) jab you in the back with their staves, but they forget that their straight jabbing is a longer distance so you have time to block them. They angrily reset geometry.
I shoot the quantum buffalo with my celestial bow.
2+2, 3+2. You fire an arrow into the herd of quantum buffalo and hit some dealing 4 damage (5) and summoning a barrage of meteors from the sky, hitting them for (2+2) 3 more damage.
I throw a volley of baseballs at the scotch tape elemental.
1+1. You think about attacking the scotch tape elemental, but then realize that scotch tape is the most amazing and useful substance known to man and do not want to deprive the universe of any of it.
Attack the sentient solar system with my cinderblock magic.
6-1, 4. You summon several cinderblocks and launch them at the solar system, where they get caught in the gravitational pull of one of the larger planets and slam into it, dealing 3 damage.
I blast the robotic velociraptor with programming magic.
6-1, 4+1. An aura of letters, numbers, and smiley faces appears around you. You point at the mechanical velociraptor and the aura turns into an ASCII beam, consuming the robot dinosaur. After the blast dissipates, all that's left is a green letter r.
Slam the third planet into Toady One.
5, 6-99. The sentient solar system moves so that the orbit of its third planet crosses where Toady One is now, but Toady easily blocks it with his intergalactic defense system.
Mangle someone geometrically
4, 3. The geometry mages attempt to make Luke_Prowler's head triangular by redifining the definition of the shape, but only manage to warp it a little, dealing 2 damage and giving him a headache.
Tunnel right on top of SHAD0Wdump
4+1, 3+1. Before SHAD0Wdump can react, the quantum buffalo are on top of him, trampling him into the ground. He can't defend himself as he tries to understand how they moved there, eventually coming to the realization that there was no movement involved and the buffalo just got there. As the buffalo cease trampling after dealing him 5 damage, he swears off quantum physics for a long time.
Strangle Ryan with some tape
2. The scotch tape elemental tries to move, but its feet are firmly taped to the ground and it has to work a little to get them loose.
StatusesHover over weapons and skills for descriptions.Adventurers8/9 HP 4/5 MP
Body: Donut-shaped torso. Healthy.
Equipment: Flamethrower (4 gallons of fuel left). Eiffel tower shield. Robo-raptor leather armor.
Inventory: Pocket dimension. Unidentified mushrooms. Oversized key. 3 cheap healing potions.
Skills: Level 3 flamethrower user. Level 2 tap dancer.
Magic: Level 2 fire magic. Level 4 holy magic.
7/10 HP 5/5 MP
Body: Normal. Healthy.
Equipment: Bag of baseballs (12 baseballs). Footy pajamas.
Inventory: Somewhat angered sea slug. Roll of scotch tape. Deck of Magic: The Gathering cards.
Skills: Level 3 thrower. Level 2 pitcher.
Magic: Level 1 baseball card summoning.
8/10 HP 3/5 MP
Body: Two extra clawed, stubby arms. Healthy.
Equipment: Tardigrade leather armor.
Inventory: Bottle of tardigrades. A half-eaten bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.
Skills: Level 2 microorganism caretaker. Level 1 childen's card game player.
Magic: Level 2 cinderblock magic.
5+pi/10+pi HP 5/5 MP
Body: Normal. Healthy.
Equipment: Celestial bow (11 arrows, 4 wonky arrows). Ring of homophones.
Inventory: Something so shiny as to be unidentifiable. A broken magnifying glass. A hollowed-out watermelon.
Skills: Level 3 bowman.
Magic: Level 4 clown magic.
12/15 HP 8/12 MP
Body: Twelve fingers (including thumbs, smartass). Healthy.
Equipment: Intergalactic defense system.
Inventory: Dwarf Fortress source code. An almost-completed ship in a bottle. A cat toy.
Skills: Level 4 cat tamer.
Magic: Level 4 Programming magic.
Enemies7830/8000 HP
Body: One sun, four planets.
Equipment: None
18/40 HP 12/15 MP
Body: Normal. Healthy.
Equimpent: Robes with geometry-defying designs on them.
Magic: Varying levels in non-euclidan geometry magic.
7/30 HP
Body: Quantum uncertainty. Healthy.
Equimpent: none
20/20 HP
Body: Scotch tape elemental stats. Healthy.
Equipment: Scotch tape armor.
Author
Topic: penguinofhonor's RTD-RPG Adventure Turn 1410: Attack, Fight! (Read 26360 times)