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Author Topic: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...  (Read 7637 times)

Goran

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #15 on: January 13, 2010, 02:37:29 am »

Marshall Tito eats all your general pretenders for breakfast, right after doing Sophia Loren for good morning on his private state-owned cruiser.
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kalida99

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #16 on: January 13, 2010, 02:58:14 am »

King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem

AKA: The Leper King

After supposedly falling into one of Saladin's clever traps, being surrounded at Ascalon while Saladin's Main force marched on a now unprotected city of Jerusalem. At this point things were looking kind of bleak for our hero. He was outmanned, outsmarted, surrounded, and was now trapped inside a stupid, useless fortress while his nemesis was out there capturing undefended cities and blitzing towards the seat of European power in the Middle East. He didn't just call it quits he cracked his knuckles, and with a force of just 500 Knights Templar, he rode out to save the holy land from Saladin's seemingly invincible force.

Saladin had pretty much figured he had the Crusaders by the balls at this point, and in his haste to send the Europeans crying back home to their mamas he fucked up and forgot to keep an eye out for insane lepers hauling ass at Mach3.5 across the countryside. Baldwin caught Saladin by surprise and before his men could find their swords a massive Calvary charge was flying up their rear.

Think about this for a minute. On most days, Baldwin IV was barely able to stand – let alone take on the most powerful army in the world – but on the battlefield at Mont Gisard, he got so ripshit pumped up out of his mind about doing one completely fucking aweseome thing with his life that he did what seemed impossible and served as an inspiration to every man around him. The once-feeble King was out there in front of the host of warriors, his hands and arms wrapped in bandages in an unsuccessful attempt to lessen the searing pain shooting through his body as he gripped his blade, as he spurred his horse on, leading a charge of 500 knights (and a few thousand local infantry) against an army of 26,000 battle-hardened veteran soldiers.

The crusaders suffered heavy losses – over 2,000 casualties were reported in the aftermath – but in the process Baldwin IV and his knights somehow managed to snatch victory from the asshole of defeat and inflict the most devastating defeat the Invincible Saladin would ever suffer. Saladin's army was annihilated, many of his personal bodyguards were killed, and the great commander was lucky to escape the carnage with his life. He returned home to Egypt with fewer than a thousand survivors still under his command.

Baldwin died at 24 from his leprosy, but would always be remembered for his awe-inspiring victory.

== Credits to Badass of the Week for this information
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Ampersand

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2010, 07:57:38 am »

Mahatma Gandhi.

Using the unorthodox military strategy of locking himself in a room and not eating anything for days on end, he managed to liberate India from British rule by being shot in the chest.
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Neonivek

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #18 on: January 13, 2010, 08:19:32 am »

Quote
Had they met in any other circumstances they'dve likely been friends.

Not unless Europe developed a system of Tollerance. Which they didn't so had they met in other circumstances they would still hate eachother.
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Arrkhal

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #19 on: January 13, 2010, 08:34:23 am »

Quote
Mahatma Gandhi.

Using the unorthodox military strategy of locking himself in a room and not eating anything for days on end, he managed to liberate India from British rule by being shot in the chest.

What Gandhi actually did was end popular support in England for the occupation of India.  Actual Indian rebels with actual guns did all the fighting (nearly every day), but all the people back in England would hear about was this little guy starving himself for peace.  Between the guerilla militia being impossible to effectively fight, and everyone back in England being against it, it's no wonder they pulled out.

Gee, that sounds familiar.
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h3lblad3

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #20 on: January 13, 2010, 10:58:30 am »

Sounds like the little kid legions vs. the dentists!
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Rowanas

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #21 on: January 13, 2010, 01:19:44 pm »

Mahatma Gandhi.

Using the unorthodox military strategy of locking himself in a room and not eating anything for days on end, he managed to liberate India from British rule by being shot in the chest.

I got a hearty chuckle out of that, cheers Amp.
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bombcar

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #22 on: January 14, 2010, 12:02:33 am »

King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem

This man sounds like a dwarf!

Mahatma Gandhi.

Using the unorthodox military strategy of locking himself in a room and not eating anything for days on end, he managed to liberate India from British rule by being shot in the chest.

This man sounds like another type of dwarf. :P
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Puzzlemaker

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #23 on: January 16, 2010, 12:07:43 pm »

Who was that general that was all like, "I PLAY THE FLUTE" and then the enemy army was all like, "OH SHIT" and ran away?
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Vester

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #24 on: January 16, 2010, 12:12:25 pm »

...

Chuko Liang?
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AtomicPaperclip

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #25 on: January 16, 2010, 04:32:42 pm »

Rommel never wanted to kill Hitler, by the way. He advocated arrest and trial, because he insisted that an assassination would turn Hitler into a martyr and thereby perpetuate the Reich's behaviour.

Was he the guy who killed himself in the movie Valkyrie?
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Protactinium

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #26 on: January 17, 2010, 05:31:40 pm »

I'd like to express my lulz to the funny by SkyRender on the first page. No one expressed any, and I felt some was deserved.
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CanadianWolverine

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #27 on: January 17, 2010, 07:15:49 pm »

As far as Dwarf Fortress generals go, right now we have that history stuff about who killed who and so on, in the generating of a world, right?

To that end, considering his fan fiction as well, I submit Cacame Awemedinade, Elf King of The Dwarves, The Immortal Onslaught as being a DF version of Alexander the Grea - trying to unite the world under the brutal bloody head of his warhammer and dwarf kingdom (entity), The Creation of Ferns.

Source:
http://dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Cacame_Awemedinade#Brief_history
http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=39897.735

Are there other bits of other's DF generated worlds that would be considered possible future inspirational material for the General + Armies arc being implemented?
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silhouette

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #28 on: January 17, 2010, 09:10:53 pm »

Who was that general that was all like, "I PLAY THE FLUTE" and then the enemy army was all like, "OH SHIT" and ran away?
lol i want to know this as well, sounds awsome.
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Seraph

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Re: Funny, I don't see much discussion of generals...
« Reply #29 on: January 18, 2010, 01:24:16 am »

Also, Feldmarschall Rommel was one of the best modern Generals, and absolutely a douche. If you look over his history, he was strict taskmaster, but on the flipside of that he fought in the trenches with his troops and would not command of them anything he would not do. So although there was resentment among his officers, his troops were fond of him, and there was distinct loyalty in his legions. Also, he predicted the assault at Normandy, along with a few of the other generals, and all but demanded his panzer division be moved to Normandy, but Hitler refused. By the time they arrived when the attack started it was already too late. Could've changed the entire allied campaign.
I would point out a few things:
1) Saying Rommel predicted the Normandy invasion is like saying Nostrodomus predicted the rise of Hitler. If you take the time to read Rommel's letters he was all over the place in regards to the if/when/where of a possible invasion. His predictions would change by the week. The fact he was away from the invasion area on the day of invasion Because he thought there was no chance the Allies would invade is evidence of how little clue he really had.
2) Hitler didn't refuse to release the panzer divisions. Alfred Jodl (Chief of the Operations Staff of the Armed Forces High Command) refused to release the divisions. He didn't bother waking Hitler to inform him what was going on.
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