Kosoth: This is the true story ...
Minkot: ... of seven dwarves ...
Sazir: ... picked to live in a wagon ...
Lokum: ... work together and have their lives taped ...
Mebzuth: ... to find out what happens ...
Shorast: ... when dwarves stop being polite ...
Rakust: ... and start getting real.
The Real Wagon
Background
So I got this idea from my
"There goes the wagon" thread. At first I thought trapping seven dwarves into nine squares would be the most uninteresting idea for a fort. But then I wondered what would happen.
The experiment seemed simple. Take seven dwarves, a bunch of food, and wall them inside the starting wagon. No beds to sleep on, chairs to sit on, or work to keep them occupied. They will be caught in the rain, the snow and with all that food around them will probably be crawling with vermin. The only thing that will keep them sane is each other.
I embarked on the evillest, most savage spot I could find. None of the dwarves had any skills and all I brought was some bauxite to wall the dwarves in, seeds, a bunch of picks, an axe and a little over three years supply of food and drink. I had expected to use these dwarves in a fort afterwards, but now I am more interested in refining the experiment for another embark.
Don't get me wrong, this really is a boring fort if you actually watch the dwarves. Since the fort would require zero three year fort required zero interaction after I set it up I ran this "simulation" while I worked. The game would pause and save after each season so I could check out their thoughts. As the fort stabilized I mostly used Dwarf Therapist to keep tabs on them.
I had originally planned on writing this up as a transcript but I don't have the energy. I don't like or watch The Real World so I would probably do a bad job at a parody anyway.
In in the Year of our Dwarf 80 seven dwarves embark next to a terrifying volcano. They tie their animals up outside and wall themselves into their wagon for protection to begin a three year experiment. With nothing at all to do they immediately begin socializing. Their social skills begin a rather quick increase.
The first thing I noticed, checking Dwarf Therapist, was that not all dwarves were gaining all social skills. Kosoth and Sazir seemed to lack the ability to intimidate their fellow dwarves. Lokum could neither persuade nor flatter and Minkot couldn't console, pacify or even carry on a conversation! Minkot was, however, the only dwarf that was capable of lying. I can only assume that the inability to gain these skills comes from the dwarves personality.
Almost immediately the two most disfunctional dwarves, Lokum and Minkot hooked up. By the end of Spring Kosoth (who was chosen as the leader) and Shorast paired up as well. This left Mebzuth and Sazir to fight over Rakust. But Rakust didn't seem to be interested in them, or in any of the other dwarves for that matter. She was the only one not to have any friends in the bunch. As the social outcast, she remained merely happy while the rest of the dwarves were quite ecstatic.
If there was going to be a problem in the fort it was almost certainly going to start with Rakust. During the first year, Rakust's happiness fluxuates between 60 and 80. Sazir and Mebzuth level off at around 200 happiness. The remaining four dwarves who seemed to have found true love are on their way past 500.
In the autumn the caravan came. One of the guards had his arm torn off by an undead groundhog and died on the side of the mountain. The liason, unable to get inside, decided to hang around. In fact, he hung around for THREE YEARS, occasionally being chased around the map by skeletal animals.
On the first day of the second year Lokum and Minkot are married. They forgo any formal ceremonies. Shortly thereafter Lokum becomes the first legendary dwarf in Consoling. Two days shy of the start of Winter Minkot gives birth to a baby girl. Her happiness skyrockets to around 2000. The rest of the year progresses along without change, although a band of skeletal macaques swept across the map to claim the dead guard's belongings and slaughtered the animals that were tied up. They also freaked the hell out of the dwarves but left the Liason intact physically.
In mid-summer of the third year Minkot gives birth to another girl. Rakust is the last dwarf to reach Legendary +5 in all social skills she has. By autumn, the emo Rakust has had enough of the fort. The same food day in day out, constant snowstorms, vermin and those two horny dwarves Mebzuth and Sazir eying her constantly. Her happiness dips below 50 into unhappy and slowly begins to decline.
It looks like we might finally have a tantrum on our hands. However, just as winter hits Thob, Minkot's eldest daughter, grows into a child. She takes a liking to Rakust and becomes her first friend. Almost immediately her happiness jumps up to 80 and by the time the third year ended she was ecstatic.
The happiest dwarf in the end was Lokum with 3491, followed by his daughter Thob with 3336 and his wife Minkot with 3106. The next happiest was Mebzuth, who had clearly resigned himself to being alone and had achieved a 659. This was more than the other couple who were both around 450, while Rakust and Sazir rounded out the bottom with 200.
Conclusions
I knew that socializing dwarves would make each other happy but I was hoping that one wallflower might bring the whole group down. It almost happened too.
An interesting tidbit is that the happiest dwarves hit Legendary +5 first. I'm not sure that one is causing the other. Most likely they are both effected by the same factor. Other than that there weren't any startling revelations except that dwarves really REALLY like being cramped into one place with nothing to do but drink and talk and screw. And that wasn't all that startling.
I plan on doing another, but this time instead of having all four drinks I'll only bring ale and make sure none of the dwarves consider it their favorite. Also, I'll leave everything else behind except food and drink and I should be able to stretch the experiment to four years.
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Topic: The Real Wagon (Read 22149 times)