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[Lost Requiem]

The nobles are becoming an issue due to their endless mandates. The Count got balsy and issued three mandates at once, and that's not counting the other mandates being issued by the rest of the nobles. Due to my horrendous luck, last time this happened in a now derelict fortress, the Hammerer issued the death penalty for all infractions of the law, and killed my entire population.

This time around, I'm only building this fortress to create the above water fortress. There is quite literally no metal here, only gems. For some reason, i can't find metal ore of any kind; only gems, and the nobles have a sickening fetish for metals and keep issuing mandates, one on top of the other (They're all ecstatic, by the way). I know that there is no metal, since I'm stripping the land clean for all the rocks.

I'm prepping to drown them in the lake, or maybe locking them in their rooms and letting them starve to death. I can't have them fucking up my mega-structure's plans.

Has anyone else been having issues with mandate spamming?

[Ravenplucker]

I've only ever gotten up to sheriff, so I don't have as much experiance, but...

An airtight chamber that you drop into the water, it will deconstruct once it hits the bottom, but they can have a submarine adventure! =3

[armadilloHD]

Mark the hammerer's hammer for dumping

[Kidiri]

An airtight chamber that you drop into the water, it will deconstruct once it hits the bottom, but they can have a submarine adventure! =3

It'll deconstruct once it starts caving in.

[Lost Requiem]

I've only ever gotten up to sheriff, so I don't have as much experiance, but...

An airtight chamber that you drop into the water, it will deconstruct once it hits the bottom, but they can have a submarine adventure! =3

Actually, a plan of mine was to make a water-tight room at the bottom of the sea for one person with enough food stores to last them for a year, then come back and dig them out when the next winter rolls around. I already have the design plans in my head, but since the megastructure is the no. 1 priority, I'll have to wait until it's completed, which won't be for a long, long time.

[Dorf3000]

The nobles are becoming an issue due to their endless mandates.

...
(They're all ecstatic, by the way).

That's a funny way of spelling D-E-A-D.

[Particleman]

You know it's the darnedest thing- I set up some upright spikes and linked them to levers, just as practice for my dwarves, you know? So they can get the hang of it? And it seems that every time I test the systems to make sure they don't need repair or anything, it seems that one of my nobles is standing on one of the spike squares. So I can't really give you any advice on how to please your nobles, since mine keep getting into accidents like that. It's bizarre.

[Lost Requiem]

As if to spite me, the nobles bore children. I'm starting to get a little pissed off, now. THey have somehow realized I don't harm children no matter the circumstance, and are using them as leverage. more the reason to annihilate them, but only after their children have grown.

[Ieb]

Obviously what you need to do, is to give those kids jobs as metalworkers once they grow up.

Assuming that nobles can punish their own kid after mandate-failure.

[Lost Requiem]

Actually, my thought was to assign them to a job that's actually productive to the fortress, just to counterspite the nobles. And last thing I need is for there to be a tantrum spiral because someone witnessed death or the death of their friend at the hands of the Hammerer. And just to be on the safe side, I did, in fact, forbid the Hammerer's Hammer.

[Archaeologist]

Nobles are cursed with highly refined tastes that are difficult to satisfy. Coincidentally, they often fall prey to tragic accidents.  Here are some tips to keep your nobles safe.

What could be more dwarven than a menacing spike? Better make it retractable, in case your noble needs the space. Put this steely symbol of dwarven strength in one of your noble's rooms, possibly next to the lever.  Nobles LOVE Masterwork Menacing Steel Spikes encrusted with precious gems, and it boosts their room value.  (Maybe.)

Any dwarf of such high standing should also have a lever in his rooms. If he should find himself stressed by overdue mandates, or accidentally locked in his room, he can amuse himself by pulling it repeatedly. Pulling levers is one of the few tasks only fit for nobles, after all.  A lever can be made personal to a specific noble in the p | q Profile for that lever, just as if it were a common, lowly workshop.
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All dwarves love the soothing mist of a waterfall. Why not give your noble one, right in his very own room? Take care that the drainage system is working properly. Any obstruction could cause the room to fill with water, and no one wants that. Remember to put an attractive grate over the drain, to keep anything from falling in and stinking up your plumbing.
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Your highest noble will meet with various visitors and emissaries in his throne room. To give him that extra edge in negotiations, make it intimidating. Put a magma pool right there in the throne room. No glittery gold throne, either. Make one out of iron, or steel, or some other material with a high melting point.

[Ieb]

Those nobles are going to be the death of you anyway, if you don't "deal" with them, if you know what I mean, and what others have hinted already. You might as well give them something to think about.

"Punish Zagrib for this insolence! But why does that name sound so familia-"
*sound of head splattering against a legendary dining room wall*
"ZAGRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIB, MY ONLY SON, BORRRRRNNN TO DIE"

Also, I have a flashback to people still holding onto stuff even if it's forbidden. If you want to neuter your Hammerer, order the hammer dumped, in magma if that's what it takes. Or lock him up somewhere and dump food down randomly so he/she won't die and a new one steps in your gates and splatters Urist McLegendaryMetalcrafter because the old one couldn't get to him.

[Lost Requiem]

Sounds way too elaborate for my tastes, and it's against my nature to get people involved who aren't part of the initial beef.

Alright, the Hammerer will be allowed to live, but the Countess and her bitch will die... once their kid grows up.

[Astramancer]

Will nobles still give mandates if they're in a coma?  If not, you may want to consider knocking them down a few cliffs.  If they heal, just knock them off a few more.

[Grendus]

You're building a fortress on a lake and you're lacking inspiration for how to kill a noble? Seriously? Please, kill them, you'll be doing their children a favor by letting them grow up with actual working dwarves as role models instead of those raving lunatics.