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[Huesoo]

You crouch and jump up high into the air but then your realize that you dont have any abillities to fly and your fucking retarded. You come crashing down on grey flesh you hear his bone's cracking. You laugh severely relishing in your enemies' defeat. You stand up away from the man thinking about what to do when you see several large black tumors come out from his sides. He stands up with eight legs coming out his legs wrapping up into a ball turning black and growing bigger and bigger, his head sinking into his neck falling back onto his back. Before you was a massive spider on its legs. With one swipe it hits you in the abdomen, you go flying into a bunch of tree's breaking them. They snap with ease against your metallic body, you black out.( I will now refer xick as xick cause this 2nd person thing is creeping me out.)



Xick turns on, He turns and sees greyflesh by his side in a throne. He looks around and also sees hes in a throne, He's in a throne room with 12 seats directly infront of him there is a man with a cape and a large black sword. His flesh is grey like the man who turned into a spider he looks starved with hes cheekbones showing, his lips are chewed off and he is wearing a dark viking looking helm made out of the same metal the sword is. The helm has a band of gold and golden horns, above and below of the band it is adorned with what looks like saphires and rubies. In each of the thrones there is a doll, the dolls are plain nothing special about them just plain ol' drawing dolls. "I have a job for you" says the man who looks like a king. "You cannot die, thats great just the kind of thing we need you see there is a outpost of dwarves in the desert near hear who worship a heathen god and are spreading an evil message, I want you to go with mordred and kill every single of these dwarves and bring me there heads. Do accept this mission?" said the king looking man.

[RAM]

Yes, of course I accept, where are they!
((I figure that our designer wanted an omnicidal mercenary bent on infinitely upgrading itself. So the plan is to slaughter these 'dwarf' things and acquire all their technology, then use our affiliation to steal these grey people's technology. If our designer comes along and corrects me on our intended function then I will gladly change my response...))

[Cheddarius]

>Punch king in snout to establish superiority

[Huesoo]

I accept! says xick as he steps out of his throne slowly walking out of the throne roome. "Wait!" yells the king "Remember the heads and go with mordred". You walk up some stairs and a green man in a cat suit yells out "Thar r nien woman on internetzlololloplloo"

[RAM]

In thae absence of any other replies lets follow morded...

[LeoLeonardoIII]

I accept! says xick as he steps out of his throne slowly walking out of the throne roome. "Wait!" yells the king "Remember the heads and go with mordred". You walk up some stairs and a green man in a cat suit yells out "Thar r nien woman on internetzlololloplloo"

We do not know what kind of thing the Universe is 

[Huesoo]

"Ignore the man in the cat suit his name is Oel and he is the village idiot" says Mordred. While Xick continues to walk up the stairs he notices that this isnt a granduer palace but a run of the mill shanty town with a fancy shmancy basement. When Xick reaches the top he sees what the shacks are made of, Dried up wood and rusted metal. The inhabitants are a mix between grey fleshes like mordred and the mad king but the other are things who look theyre suffering from a bad case of radioactive poisining and smell like a rotted out skunk asshole. "We will go to the shop first cause I need to eat, alot" said Mordred. "They have everything there its actually a old safety vault the Old Ones made before the Radio War but the living quarters were flood, we cant live there but we found a source of water so that's good. It has a bunch of food supplies,weapons and clothing. We keep the butchery in there so we always have a fresh source of meat from the Brahman". Mordred goes up to the shack which has SHOPP painted in red on the top. He asks for some ammo and 3 kg of raw meat and flashes a sigul with a red eye on it. Mordred asks if you want anything

What will you ask for?

[Cheddarius]

> High five the brah, man

[Huesoo]

"Put it up, Broh" said Xick. The shopkeeper put its hand and says "What now. "We smack our hands open together". They do a awesome high five. "Ok stop fucking around what do you want?" mordred said.

Ok you can get anything you want no more high fives and bro fists.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

We obviously need the following:

Instant tanning lotion
Von Dutch hat
Axe body spray
Bluetooth earpiece
iPod + techno music
Ed Hardy wine
Sleeveless shirt with a poped collar
Chinese tattoo
Gold chains

Does Xick have a booze compartment like Bender? I seriously just imagine Xick as Bender.

[Huesoo]

"Um ok.... you heard that shoppy? Well one question Xick, why the tan lotion?" said Mordred. "Because your pale as fuck dude." said Xick. Mordred gives Xick a death stare and stays silent until the shoppy returns. " Let me ask shoppy how did you know what these things are?" said mordred "Because I am 42." said the shoppy. Mordred takes the stuff out of the shoppies basket and gives most of the stuff to Xick while spraying on the axe and putting the lotion on his face. Mordred says thank you to the shoppy while walking back slowly, finally turining around and telling Xick to follow him. "Ok Itll take atleast a day to get there lets go." says Mordred.

Will update later tommorow cus, Im a lazy bastard.

[Huesoo]

The journey was hot and the sun shining seemed not to bother Xick or Mordred. Several times they saw the men who looked like they suffered from radiation poisining and then one man who looked like he was set on fire and dumped in a vat of acid. Xick of course killed him by ripping his heart out with his bare hands then stomping on his head. Mordred asked why he killed this thing for no reason, Xick said it was "Unclean" and it should be "Purged" he then yelled something about an imperium. To this Xick said he didnt know. When they finally reached the outpost the saw it was a cave inside a small cliff face they jagged edges and massive cracks were evidence of dwarves producing their alchemy and steelmagik. There was a dwarf outside wearing a weird sort of goggles looking at the ground in suspicion, the half breed probably didnt know what hit him. The bullet struck him in the neck decapatating instantly his blood pouring out like a fountain. Mordred felt a strange sense of glee he started running into the cave mouth guns ablazing. Xick had no problem keeping up with Mordred, he walks in seeing three dwarves dead and Mordred running down stairs. Xick hears a loud screech of a whistle sounding like a tea kettle, after hearing this Xick hurried pace when he reaches the bottom he sees hes in a large room with tons of booze atop of the largest pile he sees a steam powered mech with a massive ratman in a fancy victorian suit. Below the pile are 3 dwarves with axes and leather armor. The rat man yells "I AM STEPHANO RAT KING OF THE DRUNKS!"

What is your strategy to beat him?

[RAM]

Dwarf toss!

[Huesoo]

^
whats that

[LeoLeonardoIII]

> Use heat vision to cook off the barrels of booze, without telling Morderd what we're doing. As they burn, back away slowly, so that when it lights up we can run for the stairs!