I'm anticipating a lot of pitiful (and I mean that in the sense that they will be full of pity) and mildly concerned replies, along with maybe a joke or two, or possibly even an attack (though that's doubtful), but I feel like I have to tell someone, somehow.
I'm writing this at 5:40 AM because, for quite a while now, I've been crying pretty solidly every time I set my head down to sleep, and again each morning as I wake up. Sometimes while I'm asleep, I gather. Occasionally, like tonight, it'll be so bad that I am incapable of sleeping altogether as, when I try, I begin weeping and shuddering so hard that I am shaken awake. As soon as I get something in front of my to occupy myself with, say the forums, I'm fine and functional and dandy. But the very minute my head hits the pillow, my mind turns on itself and tears me to pieces, emotionally speaking. It doesn't get much better once I'm asleep, either; dreams come in two varieties: nightmares of the sort whereupon awakening you realize they are in fact reality, and wonderful dreams that are infinitely distant from the waking world and all the more distressing for it.
I've tried thinking my way out of the situation by focusing on some inanity, counting, for instance, but whenever I do some part of my mind rejects the idea as downright foolish and further degrading. It's almost rather like I'm punishing myself for something, or maybe for everything. Quite the disturbing sensation, to say the least.
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Topic: Crying... (Read 4324 times)