Turn 31!
Ah, well you see, the village to the (Direction of town) Has had its merchant caravans attacked by elven raiders. The mayor sent many diplomats to this village but they turned up dead on the outskirts.
I was sent to make peace, or if necessary, war.
(Glances at the nephew.)
But it appears that war may be unnecessary. You clearly do not approve of the events, and were unaware of the cause of the raids. I assume that your nephew is the head of the operations?
(Shrugs.)
In summarization, I was sent here to make the raids stop one way or another. I would prefer the non-violent route if it's all right with you. Makes things much less stressful.
You make a long speech, possibly in freeverse poetry, about the task you have been sent on. [5] The old elf gives this thought for a long while. Eventually you wonder if he's just died in his seat, but he abruptly starts talking again. "Our village had no knowledge of these attacks. I can assure you that they will not happen anymore. However, in solving this matter you have brought another one, most dire to our village. The reason we keep ourselves hidden is that, well, the elves are no longer the great power we once were."
The nephew attempts to protest this, but the old man silences him. "Our powers were once mighty, but we have been weakened over many generations. We do not know why, but our mages had confirmed that it was a dark power, one so great that it could wipe out the world with a mere thought, before the Halfling's War tore our empire apart. We feared our doom, and hid ourselves away; but with your arrival, you have revealed us to the world once more. I wonder, would you be willing to help us ensure the safety of our village?"
With a jolt you realize that this is a High Elf, one of the citizens of the elven empire that existed long before the other races held power. (+1 to Speech, level gained!)
I attempt to generate a blinding flash of magical light between me and the monster, and call upon my elite Marxbolds to shoot it in the head, with as confident and reassuring emphasis as I can muster.
[1]With a small flicker of light, you very assuredly have the monster's undivided attention. In a squeaky voice of terror, you tell your kobolds to fire. They respond in the affirmative, with even squeakier, more terrified voices. [4+1][5][2];[1];[4+1][6][6+1] Your kobolds do very little damage except for Eye-Drippings, who manages to score a perfect hit on the beast's head. (ED: +1 to Crossbow!)
Go through the deceased witch's possessions, looking for both evidence and useful items.
[6] Aha! You manage to find a... very risque love letter sent from the Lady to her lover Kelburn. Oh. Oh gods. Wait, she did
what with a chicken? Oh, gods, I'm never eating beef again. You shove the letter in your bag. It's proof, and you're fairly certain that it mentioned her plans somewhere in there. Maybe the chief will pay you just to burn the letter after he's read it. [1] Sadly, her equipment was lacerated, dented, and generally annihilated in the battle. She's pretty much been torn apart, and you think you see chicken scratches under her frayed dress. [4] You manage to keep your mind intact as the memories flood back. (Held lunch after reading letter! +1 to max health)
Go to the elven village; I have a plan.
You leave your companions to take their prisoners and cargo onto the nearest village, and strike out alone. [2] However, you quickly become lost in the woods. You hear barking in the distance, though it sounds more like a domestic dog than a wolf.
Jump into the fray, and shout "STOP!"
If sufficient attention is gathered, crush in a kobold skull and say "Hammertime"
[2]You charge forward and slip on the very bananas that you sent in ahead of you. At least you avoid any real damage to yourself.
Thug and Utha each attack the remaining kobold. [3+1][6][5] Thug strikes first, and smacks the now bloodied corpse into the dust. Your party picks you off your feet and tells you that it sounds like many more kobolds are coming. Orders?
...
You've gone missing! Someone, come and save our dear hero!
Enemies:Devour delicious kobold
[3+2][1] The monster attacks stinky, but your kobold leaps away, with a bit of luck on his side!
Name: Loktar Ogar
Race: Human
Profession: Mage
Skills:
* Arcane Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
* Silly magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Potion-Making 0/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 0/5 (1 to level)
Companions:
Equipment: Robe (Body); Silly hat (Head); Crooked Staff (wielded)
Status:Great!
Name: Leif Kenothen
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Healing Magic 2/5 (1 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 1/5 (2 to level)
*Hammer 2/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (1 to level)
Companions:
*Tom Bom the Evil-Detecting Puppy
**Status: Great!
*Kobold
**Weapon (Dagger) 0/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
Equipment: Plate Armor (Body); Shield (Held); Evil Smiting Hammer (Held)
Status: Superhuman
Name: Zolak Slagem
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Warrior
Skills:
*Mace-wielding 3/5 (3 to level)
*Acrobatics 0/5 (1 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
*Speech 2/5 (3 to level)
*Unarmed 0/1 (1 to level)
Equipment: Thunder Mace(+1, Stuns, held); Shield(held); Chain Shirt(body); Book of Bounties
Status:Fine
Name: RAM
Race: Kobold
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Healing Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Arcane Magic 1/5 (1 to level)
*Weapon(Sword) 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Black Robes(body), Wand(held), Daemonsword(+1, held); Cloak of Shadows(Shadow Teleport, back); Egg
Companions:
*Stinky
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Inkblot
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Eye-Drippings
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
Status: Great!
Name: Red the Red
Race: Human
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Weapon(Hammer) 2/5 (3 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Healing Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Plate Armor(body); Shield(held); Hammer(held)
Companions:
*Phil
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Tim
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Thug
**Weapon (Hammer) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Utha
**Weapon (Sword) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
Money:
*10 Gold Pieces
Status: Great!
Name: Derek Soulbinder
Race: Forsaken
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Arcane Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (2 to level)
Equipment: Black Robe(body); Dagger(held)
Companions:
*Metal-Arm
**Weapon(Arm) 1/5 (2 to level)
Money:
*5 Gold Pieces
Status: Superhuman!
Enemies:
Name: Kelburn
Race: Human
Profession: Warrior
Skills:
*Weapon (Sword) 2/5 (3 to level)
Equipment: Vest and pants(body); Sword(held)
Status: Fine
Name: Klyptykk
Race: Abomination of Nature
Skills:
*Natural Weapons 2/5
Status: Fine (Supernatural); Poison (All damaged foes lose 1 health per turn until treated, cannot kill)
As a note, I am accepting a new application to replace Pillow_Killer.