Turn 29!
"Metal, disarm this elf. And as for the rest of you, Have you no civility? I simply want to talk, and before I say a word you aspire to end me. Now, can we settle this peacefully,"
I cast a mild fear aura.
"Or are we going to have a problem?"
Metal nods silently and rips the sword away from the elf, still dazed from the solid blow to his face. The other elves are shocked by such displays of strength and, well, competence from foreigners.
[5]Furthermore, your displays at diplomacy are quite perplexing to them, silencing the lot before you even get off a spell. A wizened elf pushes away a few of the bowmen and comes as close to the bubble as he can, looking not at you but the elf inside.
"Glendil." He muttered sullenly. "I knew it had to be one of you thugs terrorizing travelers, but imagine my surprise to find my brother's son at the head of it. Where is Alise then? Is she involved?"
The younger elf, still at the mercy of Metal Arm, looks only at the ground in shame. "Yes. She and the others are on a caravan raid. But I swear uncle, I had good reason--"
"ENOUGH!" The elder shouts, silencing his nephew. He then turns to you. "Please, take that bubble down. As long as I'm here I can promise that none of these... hooligans will bother you. If you'd come with me, I'm sure we can get this straightened out." (+1 to Speech, level gained!)
Gr... Hide somewhere and find a really powerful spell to take out the kobolds. In. One. FellHoly. Swoop.
Don't cast it, though.
[6][1] With careful deliberation, you take your soldiers and hide in a thicket off to the side. The kobolds have completely lost sight of you. For that matter, you can't see them through the thick bushes.
"So boss, what are you gonna hit 'em with?" One soldier asks.
Barely stifling your laughter, you reply "Oh, it's just too perfect! When they're not looking, I'll summon a BANANA peel by the feet, which will cause them to slip and fall!"
You can barely contain your amusement at your pranking genius, though your soldiers don't seem to share your marvelous sense of humor.
Recruit a band of elite volunteer kobolds to prove the concept. Proceed to assemble some crossbows.
Determined to show the worth of your idea to the fellow chiefs, you set out in search of a team of elite kobolds. [5] You find the three greatest crossbowbolds in the cave: Stinky, Inkblot, and Eye-drippings. Don't let the names fool you, they're definitely the best of the best. (3 Crossbowbolds gained!)
Impress the peasantry with my awesome magic and proclaim myself their leader!
[1+1]With your impressive magic and tales of adventures to faraway lands, you manage to convince the peasantry that you're the single worst story-teller alive. Several rotten tomatoes and at least one tulip vase is thrown at you as you flee from the angry mob quickly forming in your wake.
Lief raises his hammer in a victory pose. "Finally, I have defeated mine enemies!" Seeing Kelburn still breathing, he lowers his hammer and comments, "But the poor fellow looks so helpless." He sighs. "Sometimes, I think it would be easier to just slip from the path of righteousness. Nevertheless, for the good of his immortal soul, I will attempt to salvage this evil scoundrel."
Order the kobold to tie Kelburn up as I heal him.
After your little friend ties Kelburn up, you cast a healing spell upon him. [4+2] With your fantastic skills, you bring the man back from the brink with nearly perfect efforts. However, a slight singing of the cerebrum during the process may have some... unintended effects. He slowly comes to, groaning in pain as he asks where he is. Suddenly he spots you and the kobold, and his eyes light up with curiosity and a mild bit of fear.
"W-who are you two?" He asks, genuinely fearful. (+1 to Healing Magic!)
Pinch her to death.
Now dedicated to unarmed combat, you... pinch her. [6][5][6] It goes horrifyingly well. As the woman thrusts at you, you deflect her spear and knock it out of her hands entirely. You zoom behind her, and from your point reach your hand around to the front of her, and push your fingers deep into her neck, grasping her windpipe. She spends a few moments gasping for air in vain before falling to the ground, her eyes pleading for mercy until you choke the last of the life out of her. (+1 to Unarmed combat, level gained!)
NPCs:
The elf bandits surrender, mortified as their leader is killed in front of them. The three farm boys, bruised and bloodied, round them up and tie them to a tree before collapsing to the ground and taking a much-needed rest.
Name: Loktar Ogar
Race: Human
Profession: Mage
Skills:
* Arcane Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
* Silly magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Potion-Making 0/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 0/5 (1 to level)
Companions:
Equipment: Robe (Body); Silly hat (Head); Crooked Staff (wielded)
Status:Great!
Name: Leif Kenothen
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Healing Magic 2/5 (1 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 1/5 (2 to level)
*Hammer 2/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (1 to level)
Companions:
*Tom Bom the Evil-Detecting Puppy
**Status: Great!
*Kobold
**Weapon (Dagger) 0/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
Equipment: Plate Armor (Body); Shield (Held); Evil Smiting Hammer (Held)
Status: Great!
Name: Zolak Slagem
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Warrior
Skills:
*Mace-wielding 3/5 (3 to level)
*Acrobatics 0/5 (1 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (1 to level)
*Unarmed 0/1 (1 to level)
Equipment: Thunder Mace(+1, Stuns, held); Shield(held); Chain Shirt(body); Book of Bounties
Status:Fine
Name: RAM
Race: Kobold
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Healing Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Arcane Magic 1/5 (1 to level)
*Weapon(Sword) 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Black Robes(body), Wand(held), Daemonsword(+1, held); Cloak of Shadows(Shadow Teleport, back); Egg
Companions:
*Stinky
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Inkblot
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Eye-Drippings
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
Status: Great!
Name: Red the Red
Race: Human
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Weapon(Hammer) 2/5 (3 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Healing Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Plate Armor(body); Shield(held); Hammer(held)
Companions:
*Phil
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Tim
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Thug
**Weapon (Hammer) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Status: Great!
*Utha
**Weapon (Sword) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
**Status: Great!
Money:
*10 Gold Pieces
Status: Great!
Name: Derek Soulbinder
Race: Forsaken
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Arcane Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Black Robe(body); Dagger(held)
Companions:
*Metal-Arm
**Weapon(Arm) 1/5 (2 to level)
Money:
*5 Gold Pieces
Status: Superhuman!
Enemies:
Name: Kelburn
Race: Human
Profession: Warrior
Skills:
*Weapon (Sword) 2/5 (3 to level)
Equipment: Vest and pants(body); Sword(held)
Status: Fine
*Bow-woman 1/5 (2 to level)
Average
*Spearmen 1/5 (2 to level)
Poor
*Spearmen 1/5 (2 to level)
Poor
*Bowman 1/5 (2 to level)
Great!