Turn 23!
"You too. My name is Derek, Best warlock this side of the continent. And what I am is a necromancer for hire. Contrary to what most believe, the necromantic school isn't inherently evil. Just, very, very dark. I am a rare example of someone who uses necromancy for 'Neutral' purposes. Don't mean I can't work for either side. I don't make plans. I only execute them. If someone wants someone dead, I kill them. If someone wants to chat with the dead, I completely empty their bank and call up a spirit. (By the way, people are continually surprised that spirits want to kill/eat you.) If someone wants me to shingle their roof I melt their face off then use their body for reagents. We're working for your former mayor at the moment. And the only reason that I don;t have a larger task force is because some retarded group of paladins found my task force waiting for me outside of a town in a forest about three days back."
Go back to town and call the all clear for people to start hauling bodies to a graveyard or crematory. Head to the mayor, collect payment, and ask if there's anything else to do.
You explain all of this to Metal-Arm, who nods in understanding every couple of sentences. At the end of your speech, he mentions "By the way, my name is Edward. Speaking of which, have you seen my brother Al?" You tell him you haven't, and he sighs in disappointment. You head to the mayor's office. After telling him the news he jiggles with delight. [1] The sight is too much for Metal-Arm, who runs to the nearest trash can to empty his stomach. You keep yourself together long enough to accept a payment of 20 gold coins. Upon asking him for more work, he thinks for a moment, then tells you "Well, it's a bit dangerous, so I'm not sure I could in good conscience tell you about it... but you seem a strong enough sort, SO! We've been plagued recently by an elven village somewhere to the north. We don't know where, honestly, but it's between here and Diamond Peak. Any diplomats we've sent to try and find them have wound up dead on my doorstep. These are dangerous fellows, therefore I'm willing to accept either their heads or a peace treaty as settlement. I can pay you 100 gold coins for this task, plus a little bonus I think someone like you would find very useful."
Look at the bios and recruit 2 crossbowmen, preferably one of whom has some tracking skills and the other being a fairly accurate but quick shot. I then recruit a hammerman and a swordsman, preferably the most skilled and capable of the bunch.
Tell them we have ((equivalent of 3 turns)) and that we're working on eliminating the kobold menace. Afterwards, I go and help around for more gold for supplies and purchase what I can, using the convenient 50% discount.
You hire a pair of crossbowmen named Tim and Phil. They appear to be brothers. You then go and find yourself a hammerman named Thug, about twice your size. Finally, a swordswomen named Utha fills out your team. After briefing them, you go in search of more things to purchase. [3] You can't seem to really find anything you need. The Mercantile God is trying to help, but frankly he has no idea what you're looking for. You already have food and weapons, what more could you want? Oh, and you've got 10 gold at the moment.
Ask the three sons about their weapon and combat preferences.
You ask, and three boys aged from low to high teens appear from inside the wagon.
*The eldest son Chan is skilled with an axe from felling trees for lumber.
*The middle son Norris is best with a simple staff, from wielding rakes and the like in play-practice with his brothers.
*The youngest son Lee is something of a punk, and wields two knives. He claims to be the best of the three, and it seems likely he is correct.
You're rather deep into the forest now. You've lost sight of the town, and hear many bird calls all around you. Including an owl or two. Curious, as it's currently noon...
Attrct the attention of the god of practical jokes.
[4] Well, you've done it. You found him.
Ooh-hoo-hoo! What's this? A little rat's lost his way? Well, don't worry bucko! I've got just the thing for you! Gotta tell you though, gonna come at a price. All I ask is that you do me a teensy-weensy favor whenever I ask it, ok? What'sthatyesDEAL!You wake up with a start, a terrible haunting laughter echoing through your ears. It was all just a crazy dream though, right? Right??
Sneak into the house at 6:30 AM, and investigate until 9:00AM.
[1] You would have attracted a lot of attention if anybody was home. You manage to bust down the locked door and get to work searching. [5] As you look around for clues, your kobold companion finds something. A book on the shelf in the study room opens up a passageway. You follow it to find where else but the Honheim family tomb? Everybody's here, really. From the patriarchs to the butlers, anyone associated with the family was placed down there. [5] You can't help but notice a silver sarcophagus in the middle of it all. It's the final resting place of Millibit Honheim, the first of his line. He was born back in--wait, you already know all this? Who would you be explaining this to anyway? Regardless, you open up the coffin, feeling that something important was there.
You find a small piece of paper. Upon opening it, your realize it is... a contract. Just a simple, ordinary contract. For the LIVES OF THE HONHEIMS?! Apparently, Lady Honheim had put out a hit on the rest of her family. According to the signature the assassin was none other than Kelburn. You decide to bring this information back to the Chief, only to find someone else in the tomb with you. Blocking your only way out are Lady Honheim and Kelburn.
"Well, now," the bitch says. "what have we here? Trespassers in my family tomb? That's a big no-no, dear. I could have sworn the law stated that NO SEARCHES WERE TO BE DONE IN MY HOUSE!" As her voice raises like a pack of shrill coyotes, her hands light up with fireballs. She's a mage. Not good. "OH, AND LOOK HERE! YOU BROUGHT THE LITTLE RAT WITH YOU TOO! I'M GONNA ENJOY THIS!" Kelburn draws a dagger, and the pair charge at you. [4] They then stop, and patiently wait for you to take the first turn of combat.
Uh, get on a horse and.. ride... to... hell?
Upon mounting your steed, your definitely human self rides off toward your destination. The mount is remarkably fast, and your reach the border in record time. You leave the white and fluffy lands of Law and transition to a seemingly endless green field. This must be the border plane. After a few more minutes of riding the sky turns blood red, and begins to rain... blood. Strangely, the path is blocked by a small toll both, out of which steps a red demon sporting a trenchcoat. "Yeah, what do you want?" He says.
Name: Loktar Ogar
Race: Human
Profession: Mage
Skills:
* Arcane Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
* Silly magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Potion-Making 0/5 (2 to level)
*Speech 0/5 (1 to level)
Companions:
Equipment: Robe (Body); Silly hat (Head); Crooked Staff (wielded)
Status:Great!
Name: Leif Kenothen
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Healing Magic 2/5 (2 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
*Hammer 0/5 (1 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (1 to level)
Companions:Tom Bom the Evil-Detecting Puppy
Equipment: Plate Armor (Body); Shield (Held); Evil Smiting Hammer (Held)
Status: Great!
Name: Zolak Slagem
Race: Dwarf
Profession: Warrior
Skills:
*Mace-wielding 2/5 (2 to level)
*Acrobatics 0/5 (1 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
*Speech 1/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Thunder Mace(+1, Stuns, held); Shield(held); Chain Shirt(body); Book of Bounties
Status:Great!
Name: RAM
Race: Kobold
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Healing Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Arcane Magic 1/5 (1 to level)
*Weapon(Sword) 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Black Robes(body), Wand(held), Daemonsword(+1, held); Cloak of Shadows(Shadow Teleport, back); Egg
Status: Great!
Name: Red the Red
Race: Human
Profession: Paladin
Skills:
*Weapon(Hammer) 2/5 (3 to level)
*Armor 0/5 (1 to level)
*Healing Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Plate Armor(body); Shield(held); Hammer(held)
Companions:
*Phil
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
*Tim
**Weapon (Crossbow) 1/5 (2 to level)
*Thug
**Weapon (Hammer) 1/5 (2 to level)
*Utha
**Weapon (Sword) 1/5 (2 to level)
**Shield 0/5 (1 to level)
Money:
*10 Gold Pieces
Status: Great!
Name: Derek Soulbinder
Race: Forsaken
Profession: Warlock
Skills:
*Necromantic Magic 1/5 (2 to level)
*Silly Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Arcane Magic 0/5 (1 to level)
*Speech 0/5 (1 to level)
Equipment: Black Robe(body); Dagger(held)
Companions:
*Metal-Arm
**Weapon(Arm) 1/5 (2 to level)
Money:
*20 Gold Pieces
Status: Superhuman!
OK, I admit it. I made WAY too many references to things in this turn. I think I may give a bonus of some sort to anyone that manages to name them all.