Okay, so, I finally went to see Avatar, with a gutful of Jack Daniels and my toked up father. Aqizzar's Inarguable Review Metric-
Welcome to Big Flying Turd Town
That was among the lamest attempts at a serious movie I've ever seen. Maybe I've read TVTropes too many times, but if you've seen any two of Dances With Wolves, Little Big Man, Last of the Mohicans, Pocahontas, or any other "Welcome to the Tribe, now fit in" movie ever made, you could as I did write every scene three jumpcuts in advance. The "waking up" montage, every line out of Sergeant Slaughter, Sigourney Weaver getting shot, the rivalry with Mohawk, Main Guy having alien sex and taming the dragon, two competing "let's go fight" speeches, Helicopter Girl with warpaint, the animal revenge, and reusing the Life Tree or whatever it was. The only difference is the Indians win in the end. Woo fucking hoo.
And that's not even going into the hideous mangling of logic and sensibility in character action. For instance: The bad guys are going to drop explosives out of the space ship to blow up the Sacred Grove thing, i.e. a gravity bomb, so the logical answer is to bring the whole ship crashing straight down. And good old biological improbability. Thinking trees, fine, cool. How about: why are the Na'vi humanoid, when every other creature on Pandora has the same four-arms-and-eyes morphology?
Yeah, the visuals are top notch, even if the movie can't be watched without polarized glasses, so it loses all fucking meaning on your home television. I still say the Na'vi were so deep in the Uncanny Valley it's hard to take them seriously, especially with the atrociously hammy acting by Alien Princess. It'd be awesome to watch on acid when you're too stoned to pay attention to the story, but even then you have to look at a bunch of ugly blue cat faces. Sober (enough anyway), the visuals were hard to enjoy when every time the action starts getting good, the bipolar plot jumps in with more slo-mo and singing children.
Altogether I'm glad I saw it so I can stop talking out of my asshole, but it was nearly as big a disappointing groanfest as Terminator Salvation. You got me again Cameron, I hope you're happy.