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Author Topic: My Mecha Story Idea  (Read 10060 times)

JoshuaFH

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My Mecha Story Idea
« on: December 19, 2009, 01:19:52 am »

(I use the names of TvTropes articles at times through this post. If you don't know what something is, please look it up.)

With all my talk of magic, I don't bring up enough how much I like Mecha, and the various mecha story ideas I have.

Unlike the other threads I usually make in creative projects, this one isn't about a videogame idea! Rather, it's a show idea, and I've been entertaining myself with this one for much longer than I immediately thought, since the very first daydream that spawned it occurred whilst eating lunch.

Spoiler: Original Idea (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: The World (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Main Characters (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: The Hanzers (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: January 02, 2010, 12:03:11 pm by JoshuaFH »
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JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2009, 11:36:58 am »

Any comments?
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Aqizzar

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2009, 11:39:54 am »

Well, what sort of commentary are you hoping for?  It's not really a story, and not really a setting bible.

It kinda needs, well, more of everything.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2009, 11:43:38 am »

Yeah, I just jotted down my thoughts as quickly as I could, I'll add more content.

Though, speaking as a less educated person, can you tell me what "setting bible" means?
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Aqizzar

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2009, 12:00:26 pm »

Describe all your characters, describe the "functional logic" of the action (i.e. when you talking about how "magic" the mecha are compared to other settings, don't just talk about in-universe stuff, describe the "nerd" stuff like they're supposed to be able to do in a plot/action sense), describe the setting a bit more and why what's happening is happening and why anyone should care, and all that kind of stuff.

Basically, the full pitch, or whatever you've got.  Or if that's all you've got, you'll definitely need more of it.
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The ancients built these quote pyramids to forever store vast quantities of rage.

JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2009, 03:36:09 pm »

Oh, I've definitely got more. I blame deciding to type that up at 2 in the morning. Also, the mecha aren't magic, I explicitly state this.

For one, the mecha in the series are called Hanzers, and will be referred to as such.

The main characters:

Maurice "Blackheart" Vudavich

The appointed leader of the Redhounds. Once a powerful and important Major, a scandal where he disobeys direct orders from the king, breaks the chain of command, and executes a risky strategy that ended in his entire unit, except one person, being slaughtered. For this transgression, a council of the most powerful heads in the military makes him the leader of the Redhounds, of which he has been leading for the last 6 years. He lives for the day he can exact revenge against the one person he blames for his failure, Nikopo Stratay, a fellow Major that refused to listen to the instructions that would have allowed his daring strategy to work. Blackheart, being extremely experienced and charismatic, combined with having an unusually regal presence, allows him to command men easily. His nickname comes from his serious personality and ruthless tactics.

Jay Turwing

Blackheart's right hand man during the battle where his entire unit was slaughtered. He supported Blackheart's decision wholeheartedly, and then through some stroke of insane luck, survived the battle and was sent to Redhound with Blackheart. An emotionally broken man from having watched his comrades die in vain in front of him, he doesn't care if he lives or dies. However, he shares Blackheart's hatred of Nikopo, and also wants to exact revenge.

Fiodore Rae

The only non-Ace pilot in Redhound, and is actually a non-combatant.  He's a war accountant and thus manages all of the Redhound's miniscule budget. Was caught in the act of cavorting with a general's daughter, which angered him to the point that he pulled some strings and got him sent to Redhound. Resents and despises every member of Redhound, believing them all to be heartless monsters. Is eventually taught how to pilot a hanzer by Blackheart, who feels he has a natural talent for it.

Donovan Buir

Once an ace pilot in the Kingdom's lead scouting unit, he cracked under the pressure and attempted to flee during a skirmish, which exposed his comrades to attack. For this cowardice, he's been sent to Redhound. He has excellent eye sight and honed senses, and is usually the first to detect the enemy. Has an extremely strong survival instinct, and has studied many kinds of hanzers, memorizing their weakpoints so as to disable them as efficiently as possible.

Raha Pell

Formerly an Ace fighter in the Kingdom's foremost attack unit, Raha fought only for the sense of power it lended him. However, his power fantasy came to an end when he stabs two of his comrades to death whilst arguing with them, and was sent to Redhound as punishment. Very large and buff, Raha has no qualms with using his size to push people around to get what he wants. Is adept at pushing a hanzer to it's limit and attacking in unexpected ways.

Solby Hoyers

Once an ace pilot in the Kingdoms principal defense unit. Solby was extremely proud of his position until one day he accidentally misinterpretted his orders and became responsible for the deaths of 100+ civilians. Despite it being an accident, and him promising to repay his debt in whatever way he could, he was sent to Redhound. Feeling extremely guilty for his crime, he sank into depression and in a surprised attack was severely injured. The Redhound unit not having any advanced medical supplies or personnel, this results in him having his leg amputated, and him bedridden and in pain for weeks. Due to all these factors, Solby has developed an extreme fear of hanzers, and refuses to pilot one. He contents himself with being the Redhound's chef and prepares all the food. Has a makeshift prosthetic leg.

Darius Weer

Formerly an ace pilot in the King's special attack unit, which is also made of ace pilots. Has completely devoted himself to becoming a great pilot, and is more intimately familiar with hanzers than pretty much anyone. Due to his obscene dedication though, he suffered a psychotic breakdown mid-mission and murdered all of his teammates. Although he has been sent to Redhound, Blackheart has deemed him too unstable to control, and refuses to give him his own hanzer to pilot. Instead, recognizing his vast knowledge of hanzers, has made him the Redhound's official mechanic and custodian in order to keep him busy. Is extremely intelligent, often making observations that most would never notice, is able to juggle many tasks at once, and is able to gather information and apply it pragmatically very quickly. His defining features are his loose clothes, and unusually wide smile.

There's more characters, those are just the main ones.
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Armok

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2009, 11:14:55 am »

What is needed, is technical details. What do these "hanzers" look like? How do they work? What keeps them from being as technically implausible as 99% of all the mecha stories out there?
 
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JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2009, 12:06:24 pm »

If you played alot of videogames like me, you'd know that the word hanzer is an homage to the word Wanzer, which is what the mecha were called in the Front Mission games.

Of course, if you played the games, you'd know that they come in all shapes and sizes, and so do the hanzers. I think, the main difference between them though, is that wanzers embrace their robot nature, and move in a very stiff, mechanical manner, while hanzers employ fictional 'nano-muscle' which allows them very fast and flexible movement.

All cockpits in hanzers are in the middle of the chest, but some are chest loading (as in, the pilot gets in through the chest) while others are back loading.

Normal Hanzers are large, about wide enough to fit into a city street, but smaller ones are made, as well as larger.

I'll elaborate more later. I promise.
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Armok

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2009, 05:36:41 pm »

Ok. I\d still like to know of some specific designs, and the tech you have thoguth for them in general.

Also, 'nano-muscle' is all well and good, but cone up with a more technical name for the actual story, otherwise it sounds to much like 'magic-muscle'.
something along the lines of 'electroelastic polyfibric strands' or something. equaly vaugue nonsense, but it sounds less clich'e.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2009, 05:48:53 pm »

Alright, back. I had to do something important.

"Nano-muscle" isn't actually muscle in the sense of being cells, but instead it's thin strips of plastic that has billions of nano-machines woven into it that contract when an electrical current is passed through it, thus allowing it to act like muscle. It doesn't self-repair like real muscles, so they have to be replaced every now and then. The output power of the muscles is dependant on their quality and make, and thus the newer hanzers are oftentimes stronger than older ones. This has the side effect that electrocuting an hanzer will cause it to spasm, and that injuring one will cause it to 'bleed' the conductive fluid that allows the muscles to work. The bleeding would only be limb dependant though, so having an arm ripped off wouldn't cripple the other limbs, or having a forearm crippled wouldn't disable the hand attached to it.

Hanzers can be equipped with many kinds of hanzer-only armaments. There are giant rifles, pistols, shotguns, flamethrowers, tazers, grenade launchers, and other things meant to be held and used by hanzers. Hanzers can also be specially customized to have weapons built into the frame. For example, spikes or knives can be placed on the fists, an abdomen can have many rocket pods built into it, or an arm can be replaced with a giant machine gun. There are also melee weapons for hanzers, including knives, bayonets (attached to guns), swords, axes, and hammers.

The inside of the cockpit is different for each hanzer, however, each follows the same basic layout. That being that there are two handle controls that control the arms, and two foot controls for controlling the legs and feet. Besides those, there's a panel of other controls that allow control over the more subtle features of the hanzers, such as as auto-pilot, video communication with other hanzers, or air conditioning. To allow easy seeing, there are several large monitors inside every hanzer which allow the pilot to see in the front, sides, and behind the hanzer. There are a number strategically placed cameras on the outside of every hanzer that allow these to work, and if these are disabled because of any reason, then the pilot is essentially blind. Any of the controls, or the position of the cameras, can be customized to better fit the personal style of the pilot. Most hanzer pilots will use the pilot's seat, which are the chairs they sit in whilst piloting, but some are uncomfortable with these have them modified as well, removing the arm rests, forcing them to recline, or removing them outright and use all the controls whilst standing.

The cockpit itself is held in place by a series of shock absorbers so that sudden movement and the harsh vibrations from being attacked don't rattle the pilot too badly. There are also shock absorbers in the knees, arms, and other parts so that the hanzer can run, jump, block, and other things without damaging itself.

The feet of hanzers that are designed to travel primarily over smooth surfaces can have large feet and wheels, and while coast along smooth surfaces instead of walking. Those meant to travel over rough surfaces will have very high traction feet and will need to walk everywhere.

Hanzers can also be outfitted with boosters, or jets which would allow it to lengthen jumps, increase running speed, slow the descent of falls, hover for short periods, or, if used inventively, attack.

All hanzers are outfitted with armor to avoid having the nanomuscle damaged. The actual specifications of the armor very from hanzer to hanzer, and can be light, heavy, or specialized to better fit that specific pilot.

Hanzers can be painted or colored, and will often have a specific insignia to signify which country the pilot is fighting for.

Is that enough technical detail?
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Armok

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2009, 06:26:24 pm »

The arteficial muscles sound decently standard, I still say come up with a name that dosn\t contain "Nano", for purely aestetic reasons.

The impression I get, is that these are basicaly "humans, exept larger and made of metal" conceptualy. You realize that a humanoid build is extremely inefficient for this kind of fighting?
The human bodyplane, even ignoring it dosn\t scale up well, is optimized for endurance and energy efficiency, and not very good for sprints or fighting. And considering these are built machines, they can just have wheels for that. The only niche where giant humanoid robots are even close to efficiency is for wandering years without refuelling over semi/rough terrain on a planet with higher than earth gravity, and that is a rather narrow one.
if you have four ot six legs, it\s more plausible. go to YOuTube and look up BigDog.

As for actualy holding scaled/up weapons in their hands like humans... thats just something you shuld forget if you  want an iota of belivability. Go look at some machines at your local building site, and see if you can spot any swiching tools, that shuld give you a hint for compromise. Secondly, those weapons dont scale up all that well. Instead of looking at infantery weapons and scaling them up, you shuld look at tank wweapons and making tham handheald. Likewise, meale weapons might exist, but they will not be used very often if there are guns around, unless you can come up with a spesific exuse for hanzers frequently geting within point blank range of eachother when no other kind of force does...

Bosters are not as inherently flawed as some other things mentioned here, but it\s still rather ineficant. Either something flies, or it dosn\t. If you need something to replace it with in the plot, consider some simple elastic mechanism that can propel it in the air and act as an insane shock absorber when it lands. pherhaps some gyroscopes to keep it landing on it\s feet. Dont give them jetpacks, give them catpacks.

I think that was all for now...
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JoshuaFH

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2009, 06:33:40 pm »

Well, I'd also like to mention that I already know that all these things are incredibly infeasible, but I should tell you that I'm aiming more for rule of cool than scientific believability.
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Armok

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2009, 06:41:57 pm »

ok. Still, if you can get both that\s even better right? having them strictly humanoid only has it's main benifit in a visual media, and it makes the story feel less original as well. If you design something new, even if it\s as flawed in actuality as the humanlike design, because the flaws are different the readers wont have heard them as often, so it will still seem more belivable. If you can't come up with something more rule-of-cool-y than copying the existing bodyplan of yourself, you're probably not creative enought to write a really good scifi story.
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Outcast Orange

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2009, 06:44:26 pm »

Armok, you are very disagreeable sometimes.
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Hungry

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Re: My Mecha Story Idea
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2009, 06:53:35 pm »

Bad Armok, bad.

I dont like it, its a very generic concept and for feasibility its lacking large portions of realism, like whats the hanzer power source? scale? purpose for production? general tactics of use? production cost? ect? Most of these are major handholds for a story.

Also I'm working on a parallel project to what I believe you are doing; although mine includes demons, zombies, arthropods, ruins and evil mega corperations...

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