Guys, can we put aside the intractable philosophizing about morals and judgment and get back to umiman's intent - sharing life goals and advice/commentary on them? Some of us would enjoy a friendly conversation.
Throughout grade school, my grades got steadily worse over time until I practically failed the 10th and 11th grades. I've figured out this was mostly situational, a lot of problems at home, since 12th grade was the only year I ever passed with straight A's. Namely, when your home life sucks, you find it hard to give a damn about anything, but that's another time that's neither here nor there.
It's not that I wasn't studying, because I never study for anything. My entire grade school can be described as floating along on natural ability, either exerting just as much effort as required to meet whatever was required of me, or declaring the trial to great for me to meet and simply giving up immediately. College has been much the same, where I've basically just picked classed that I thought sounded cool, which I've almost universally passed (one bad exception there, but I insist it's not my fault). Classes that I need to take tend to vacillate each term between A/Bs and failing. Call it trial and error motivation. As a result of that lack of diligence, and my policy of never taking more than 12 hours at a time, I've now gone through four and a half years of classes, and at that rate I'm still a year away from a bachelor's degree. The only reason I've made it this far at is because the whole thing was paid for before I was born, and not a class goes by that I don't sick to depression for a few minutes knowing just how lucky I am to be pissing away my one chance at a non-grueling life.
But anyway. That degree I've almost acquired? Political Science, with a minor in History because at the time (two years ago) it looked like it'd be easy to get. At this point I'm actually closer to an Economics minor, which gives you an idea of how my interests play out. I picked Political Science because my parents' advice was, if I'm going to get one official qualification in life (and it's the only one I can count on), it should be for something I'll always be interested in. And the myriad interactions and outcomes of human group activity is a subject I will always be interested in.
But by the same token, I'm interested in astrophysics, computer programing, enslaving women with my charms, and writing novels. I don't put serious effort into any of those things, and have failed at all of them in turn. But I'm doing well in the structured academic study of politics, and it certainly ain't for trying. There's nothing inherently wrong with devoting yourself to what comes naturally, but it makes me worry if I can produce the effort needed to "succeed" with politics. I like to think I have aptitudes, because I have succeeded with praise at tasks before, by definition without any real effort. But I always wonder, am I just skirting through training on natural aptitude, only to crash and burn once I'm actually responsible for something. And yet I do fairly well under pressure when it comes up, so maybe I just need some motivation to produce an effort I can be proud of.
So, long story short, I'm a fairly accomplished but listless student of the Science of Politics. I'm wracked with doubts about whether I actually have the spine to even keep up with, much less succeed in, the
Real World, or whether the
Real World is just a gussied up version of what I've always been doing. I honestly don't know which possibility terrifies me more.
And here, I've managed to ramble for a couple pages without even getting the point of my re-rail. I have no idea what I want to do in life. I don't even know what I'm good at, because when left to my own devices, I just sit around doing nothing. The only activities I have any real experience with are activities I've been more-or-less forced into, which doesn't lend itself to trying very hard or enjoying myself.
If I had to say I have an aptitude that I enjoy (besides cramming work at inopportune times, apparently), its collating experiences, mine or others, into a creative and entertaining package that I can present to people. How I can square this with my love/synergy of politics I don't really know. Past ideas included a curator, a documentarian, an off-beat reporter, a campaign worker of some form, or even a weird brand of politician.
I suppose more than anything I'd love to make video games, but lacking any ability (read: willingness to try) programing or art means I'd basically have to come up with the money to make other people produce my creative visions for me. That's certainly a realistic option, and in the past I cooked up a lot of get-rich-quick schemes to hasten that along. Obviously, I'm still here, so that didn't happen. I briefly attempted (read: read about a couple times) running for a local office, so I could use the obscene salary as capital. That's still a viable plan, but running to be public official to finance what's essentially an elaborate hobby strikes me as overcomplicated.
I'd probably be a crappy politician too. I'm abusively self-critical, and unassertive and nonconfrontational to the point of irritation. I have to really be pushed to say "this is how things will be and that's all there is to it", and I feel bad about no matter how right I am or how small the subject. Heck, most of my experience at using my acquired knowledge has been in
Internet Flamewars, which has been crappy experience for obvious reasons, but also because I normally just abandon the argument for lack of will to fight. I don't know what I'd be like as a campaigner, and if I won I'm afraid I'd just be another hollow doormat. Which is all really immaterial to the point of the video game thing, since all I'd want to be a politician for is the money (I'm don't care about being rich, I just have expensive hobbies, a hur hur hur).
So that's me in a nutshell. I'm the kind of person that just falls into a job or situation by convenience, but I want to somehow fall into being a Congressman or Vidjagame CEO. I want to accomplish things I can take pride in and leave my mark on the world, but I think leaving a mark at all is inherently rude, and I'm terrified of it being a bad mark. But if nothing else, I have gotten a little focus and made a new resolution about what to do with my vacation, so thanks umiman.
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Topic: Where are you going? (Read 7461 times)