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[Toady One]

Sink into a pit of lust, greed and violence with The Evil Squire.  Threetoe's stories are posted up on Threetoe's Stories, and Analysis.

[Sagabal]

An excellent read!  Zach certainly seems to be improving his writing, and I liked the "punishment under the guise of reward" at the end.  What was the inspiration for this story?

[Supermikhail]

That's what bugs me: the story has a potential for a full-blown novel and ThreeToe crams it into 2 A4 sheets (an approximation)... Or rather, this story has all the style and story and themes of a medieval ballad and still stays prose... Sad.

[The Architect]

Haha. It is what it is. You would rather he were to imitate the style of those long dead? He didn't live in their time and with their influences, and thus it would be nothing but imitation.

It is far better that he wrote it as he wished, as it came to him, and enjoyed it (it seems). Given the analysis section, one of the story's primary purposes seems to be entering a fantasy world in order to see how DF might succeed or fail to capture certain elements and flexibilities therein.

Incidentally I enjoyed it very much. The moderate application of (somewhat) reasonable cliches such as the young prince's and the pricess's name choices added to the enjoyment for me. Granted, they were separate cliches both applying to names, so I hope we can skip over the correction and discussion that statement is subject to.

It was a nice read. If you read this comment, "ThreeToe", then thanks for sharing.

[Supermikhail]

Haha. It is what it is. You would rather he were to imitate the style of those long dead? He didn't live in their time and with their influences, and thus it would be nothing but imitation.

What? Style of those long dead? Somehow the fact that novel has been used for a thousand years already doesn't make it anywhere close to obsolete.
Although I agree, there is a style to ThreeToe's stories.
It's just that I enjoy medieval ballads and poetic form would fit this story very well in my opinion.

Hm. However, most of our speech is imitation of what our parents and other people around us have said.

[insectcalm]

This is the first Threetoe story I've read and I enjoyed it a lot. Good work!

[Rainseeker]

Nicely done Threetoe!  Keep those creative juices flowing!

[The Doctor]

Wooo, nice story. :U

[CobaltKobold]

Analytical bit: Tremoda had a signature. This was known e'en to those who were not of his following (king).

It's just that I enjoy medieval ballads and poetic form would fit this story very well in my opinion.

Then adapt?

I liked it, though the squire was perhaps too obviously evil. If his fall had been shown I'd be happier about that.

[LordNagash]

Him being too evil was sort of the point, though. If he'd been a bit more clever about it he might have succeeded.

[Flaede]

Him being too evil was sort of the point, though. If he'd been a bit more clever about it he might have succeeded.

Something cool that came up in this story, for me, was questions of how owning an 'evil dagger' might warp the personality of the holder, and those around him. That said, I think the Squire being too stupid was more his problem. Even the demon thought so, and criticized him for lack of guile. It starts with him wanting the princess way too much - and actually saying it out loud, in public - then he moves on to increasingly brash moves. Attacking an unknown dude for a vial when the dude hasn't even let him know how that vial could help him. Randomly attempting to force himself on the Princess, then lying and killing to hide it, not thinking that maybe she would tell on him. Then the King's "Don't start a war" somehow translates to "I killed the enemy prince".

And then the final idiocy - 'Thunders' not even wondering why he is getting his way. The king doesn't seem so happy with his attack on the enemy prince, and the King already said the princess wants him dead, so why is he getting "rewarded" with her hand? Especially since according to the king the sham 'marriage' was arranged before the squire even arrived to report.

Good prevails when evil is dumb. Tremoda was probably sick of covering for him, and had already moved on to his next mark.

[The Architect]

Haha. It is what it is. You would rather he were to imitate the style of those long dead? He didn't live in their time and with their influences, and thus it would be nothing but imitation.

What? Style of those long dead? Somehow the fact that novel has been used for a thousand years already doesn't make it anywhere close to obsolete.
Although I agree, there is a style to ThreeToe's stories.
It's just that I enjoy medieval ballads and poetic form would fit this story very well in my opinion.

Hm. However, most of our speech is imitation of what our parents and other people around us have said.

Let me first say: Let's not start an argument or take things personally here. But I can't let this forum-esque statement stand. I demand logic, it's in my nature. So...

You know the definitions of both ballad and prose, right? So you know that you just lamented the fact that it was not written in medieval poetic form, something that Threetoe would be incapable of properly doing, just as a modern person would be incapable of writing properly in Middle English like Shakespeare (there are no native speakers alive). It's better you don't change your position each time your opinion is challenged or put words in someone's mouth (such as "obsolete") in order to facilitate an argument or cover a disparity in your own statements. Far better to carefully consider what is before you and whether your statement might be invalid or you might need to consider revising your opinion, than to defend it at all costs and without properly considering the opposition.

[The Architect]

Well here's a little double-post:

Flaede, and others, after reviewing a few of the stories I'm pretty sure these are really experiments for exploring a fantasy world and seeing how DF succeeds or fails to emulate the possibilities, rather than very serious attempts at story writing. They're fairly well written and enjoyable, but being what they are plot holes and shortcomings are inevitable.

They're not his best, most polished attempt at storytelling. At least, that's my analysis. I do agree that the story had potential to be better and longer if the antihero behaved more intelligently. However, I believe Threetoe rushed it to a conclusion on purpose.

[Flaede]

Architect: I think you misunderstood me. I thought that Jamie Thunders' short-sightedness was a plot element that was intended, and worked. Sure, it could have been expanded upon, but I wasn't too worried about that. To repeat: I wasn't worried about some hypotetical "better" story, I was looking at the one we got.  I figured in his profile screen 'Sir Thunders' showed as having poor impulse control and usually did the first thing that came to mind. Also, he worships a demon. And has a grudge against... well, most people he knows.

Like I said, from the story I would think that the reason he lost the dagger and was killed was because the demon didn't want to help him any more and had given up on him. Dagger-demon was probably looking for a better candidate. I honestly expected Rabbit to have the dagger and kill him, right until the end, although that would probably have been too cliche.

As for a "rushed conclusion", I wasn't overly concerned with any rushing, but the timeline of this story is unclear. I was unsure whether this happened over months, years, or what? With the way it is compressed, to me it feels like it happened in one month - the Squire rocketing to knight status after getting that vial just before the tourney, death and disaster for the entire civ. entity following quickly, the evil squire at the center of it all.

That begs the question - how did the king stave off the tantrum spiral from two knights dying so close together? hehe. I think it was by having the percieved cause of it all executed, which would be an awesome mechanic to have in the game. "You sir, are a menace to dwarf-kind. You have poisoned and stabbed your way to power and even though we can't prove anything, everyone is still mad about it. Off with your head".

hehe. This is then depicted on the next three artifacts created, including an artifact bed -  "bloody-rampage the rewarding of lust" - and a cursed dagger (the cycle repeats).

[Org]

Another great story, Threetoe. Looking forward to the next one.