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[RAM]

I use magic to clean my clothes...

[kilakan]

Chapter:Learning the Ropes of the World

I use magic to clean my clothes...

Concentrating really hard on removing the piss from your clothes, (4), you manage to keep your brain within your skull as the piss lifts from the fabric and dribbles to the ground, you are now sufficiently clean, while slightly exhausted.  A rock that gets piss on it, becomes alive, realizes what it's covered in and runs off screaming towards the nearest lake.  I told you raw magic had side effects!

I will suggest heading towards the cave. And do some push ups or something
If we head into Ankh with nothing to be stolen then the thieves will be more inclined to hurt us instead.  

You suggest going to the cave outcrop, and the group nods their heads and decides to set off with little resistance.  While everyone else packs you (4), do a few push ups, do a few chin-ups on a nearby tree, then do a few sit-ups for good measure.  You feel as if you are getting pretty damn good at getting up, now trying figuring out how to knock other people down and you should be set!  (5) Your muscles ripple and twitch as you finish, and you find moving about and lifting things alot easier, Strength III gained.  (You only learn what your current stats are after you train, for example hero's start with base strength II, trolls get another 1 strength, extra, stats get compared to your opponent to tell how bad your fail is against them is you fail  a roll.)

Caves have bandits, bandits have loot, loot is good, ego caves are good. Don't know why were were going to rob a gnome though, gnomes never have good stuff.

You get set up for some good old looting and killing, while waiting you look up and down the sides of the road, 4, you find 10 dropped gold pieces, (3) and pick them up, just a a rock goes screaming by.... you really hope that wasn't in your head only.
10 gold is now in your pocket yay!

You forgot to mention the most potent of a wizard's tools: Bopping things about the head with a sturdy staff.

Gods, currently involved:None, except a single small god whose name is not known to the world.

You may regret that line. I pray to thank Jreengus for our escape from Death. I know not of a Jreengus, but it just popped into my head. Or maybe I just have an overactive imagination.

You thank a Jreengus, just as you offer him a small prayer, a rock hits you on the head from nowhere, not really harming you but, on closer inspection it says, "Dear Mortal.  I would like you to know there is no Jreengus and never will be, sincerely the real gods, signed Errata.

Bop Nirur on the head hard enough for him to forget his OOC transgression.


You'll thank me later.

You pick up a rock and begin to throw it at him, just as another one hits him in the head, you decide to hit him instead.  Walking up behind him you the classic, "you idiot" slap to the back of his head 4, causing him to drop the rock with the note attached, which disappears in a puff of smoke as he let's go.



After you get yourselves sorted out, the group haeds off to the caves, you are now standing infront of the small cave system.  There is a wisp of smoke coming from the cave, and the smell of bacon.  You can hear a number of people talking inside.  They have yet to detect you, and seem to have no guards.  The ground here is  rocky, with patches of moss.  The cave is small, only wide enough for three or so people to stand shoulder to shoulder.  The sky is a light blue, with 10% chance of falling rocks.  Off in the distance, a incredibly disgusted crying can still be heard.

[Nirur Torir]

Haha! One turn in and I already have personal experience with the divine!

I search my person to find out what assassin tools I have.

[Realmfighter]

BACON!?!?!?!?!?!

KILL!
MAIM!
STEAL BACON!

[Flintus10]

Chat casually with Doug the dagger and ask him if there are any interesting abilities he possesses (Aside from the talking of course)

[RAM]

I hide in the cave and explain that most of them are skilled, talented people, who are wasting their talents. They would, of course, be much more effective bandits as lawyers. In the midst of all the discussion I will inventory their loot.

[Typoman]

haha loving this, would it be possible to sign up to be in the waiting line?

[Shades]

Sneak into the cave to get a better look at who is there, I'm not risking my neck against people that might win, even if bacon is involved.

[kilakan]

Chapter 2: BACON!?!?!?!?

Haha! One turn in and I already have personal experience with the divine!

I search my person to find out what assassin tools I have.

You search yourself for tools, (1), and manage to cut your hand on a blowgun dart (1) sadly it was poisoned, you fail flat on your face in the mud, sleeping peacefully.
Knocked out, poison level 1, roll a 3 or more to recover next turn.
(You have a list of inventory on the first page, I'll add the blowgun and darts though.)

Chat casually with Doug the dagger and ask him if there are any interesting abilities he possesses (Aside from the talking of course)

You begin to have a casual conversation with doug, sadly everyone else thinks your going insane because they can't hear him.  He explains that although he does not love fighting, he can take control of your body and let you keep fighting even when you are stunned, blind, ect.  not unconscious though.  His past experience also imparts you a +1 roll to both attacking and defending.

I hide in the cave and explain that most of them are skilled, talented people, who are wasting their talents. They would, of course, be much more effective bandits as lawyers. In the midst of all the discussion I will inventory their loot.

You walk boldly into the cave, looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses.  As you enter you see 4, fairly strong looking bandits sitting around a small fire drooling at bacon.  You start to talk about how life changes can be for the better and how a life of crime isn't all that great (3), sadly they are so enraptured by the bacon, they niether attack or decide to change their lives.  You think now would be a good time to pocket a few things, (5) you find an amulet with a picture of a crocodile doing some seriously messed up things to an octopus.  Just as you  realze what it is, and probably get scarred for life, the writing changes, to the symbol of The Lady, you can feel your luck going through the roof, at the same time you remember to never worship the lady or to ask her for anything or to thank her because if you do all your luck will disappear.
God's luck amulet gained.

BACON!?!?!?!?!?!

KILL!
MAIM!
STEAL BACON!

You charge in just as the bacon finishes, enraged that they would eat it before you (even though trolls only eat rocks and if they eat meat it makes them sick) you decide to show them how to really rock and roll.  (6) You swing with the power of a landslide at the nearest bandit (5) who brings his sword up at just the right angle, along with your momentum, you sever your right hand, it spins away and lands near the wall.  (6) You had a giant breakfest though, so it starts to regrow immediately.  (Being made of rock has it's benefits.)
Hand lost, will have regrown in 3 turns.

Sneak into the cave to get a better look at who is there, I'm not risking my neck against people that might win, even if bacon is involved.

You sneak into the corner of the cave (2), however one of the bandits spots you, and decides to kill you instead of the thing made of rock.  (2), he misses wretchedly, and you get a chance to retaliate.  you bring your duel daggers up, attempting to get him (6,1)  One misses and (1) you stab yourself in the leg, it has some minor bleeding, but nothing bad.  The other dagger however (4) goes up through the bandits ribcage (2) and with a sort of bubbly sounding surprise, he crumples to the floor in a pile of blood.

Bandits: (4,5,6) The three remaining, gang up on the troll.  (4,4,5)  The blades chink off of his skin harmlessly,  he giggles a bit because it's tickling him. 

The cave's floor is filthy, and already has a bit of blood on it, a bandit lies in the corner slowly bleeding to death.  The gnome looks up to see death standing at the cave entrance, rather enjoying the show, (only wizards can see death).  The screams of disgust finally fade into the distance.  Flint, hears the sound of someone rolling dice, far overhead.

[Nirur Torir]

I attempt to wake up and idly chat with one of those not in my party. Killing the bandits is beneath me. Charming them is not.

[Shades]

Loot the dead guy and let our walking rock deal with the other bandits.

[Realmfighter]

I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO EAT THE BACON, I ONLY WANT TO POSSES IT!

KILL!
KILL!!
KILL!!!

[RAM]

I find some stationary lying around and attempt to compose a spell for turning bandits into handouts.

[Flintus10]

I suppose looting stuff collecting a deserved reward from the cave is the way to go.

[kilakan]

you've never read discworld have you?
The dice rolls are a game the gods are playing in heaven with the lives of mortals.  Basically a world-wide and real life rtd with real people's lives.