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[melkorp]

Teeming schools of glittering anchovy and majestic bat rays.  The hypnotic rhythym of a beautiful ASCII wave on the wet yellow sand.  Fairy butts twinkling in the mist.  Driftwood: abundant, aesthetic, useless.  Half the dwarves of Moonrope are fishing while the other half drink.  A modest seaside grove of deciduous trees ensures just enough barrels and beds for fine dining, leisure, and masterful, Elf-sickening carpentry, while discouraging the establishment of a noisome, potentially stressful charcoal-based steel industry.  (In five years it'll be a z-level-thick carpet of blood, vomit, chunks, and silk goblin thongs but right now) Moonrope: Paradise! 

Describe your current fort as if commissioned by your Office of Tourism.  Make all negatives sound positive, no matter bad your situation is (half the population currently on fire, rivers choked with dead, etc).  End with Fortress Name: Slogan! 

[kalida99]

SCORE: -5/5

    A beautiful freezing resort, kept forever warm from the magma pipe existing just below your feet, tourists have wonderful accommodations with beautiful Masterwork [HAT STANDS] that appear right by you when you walk near them, and great stone beds that have a special cover so the sun will never wake you in the morning again. Wonderful tours of the forests around the area, and a first hand look of how the many weapons of the fort work UP CLOSE, from ballistae, to the common war hammer you'll experience it all. There is also a special right now, view the [CLOWN ROOM] and you might win something to take home with you!

                DESPAIRBRIGANDS! YOU'LL DESPAIR THAT YOU DIDN'T COME SOONER!

[Chewykittens]

FrenzyRinged: We got burning walrus people riding horses!!

[Tirin]

See the future, TODAY! Visit Gloryhandles, the dwarfhome of the future! Gloryhandles is an entirely self-contained fortress, built to last through the any potential apocalypse. Visit the majestic Glory river as it rushes through ancient caverns. Gaze in awe at the magma pipe, and the incredible magma pumps that draw it up into a cistern to eventually unleash on the unsuspecting world below to be pumped through the fortress, both warming it and providing fuel for the expansive forges. See the luxurious living quarters, where all contributing dwarves can expect to have a bed, coffer, cabinet, weapon rack, AND an armor rack! Wander through the slums our Immigrant District, where dwarves get back to the basics, sleeping in sparse rooms hewn from the rock, the way our ancestors did!

Dare to visit the Halls of Justice, a recreation of an ancient prison. Wave to Urist McOtis as he sits in his cell for not drinking enough. If you're lucky enough, you might get to see an actual execution take place*. Finally, delve into the depths, the great Mining Compound, where industrious dwarves remove precious ores from rock, before carrying them up fifteen flights of stairs. Marvel at their strength! On the way out, don't forget to check out the Tower of Doom. Prisoners of War are held atop this tower for two weeks before being pitched over the edge to their deaths. Don't forget to purchase an authentic goblin bone toy at the souvenir shop!

Gloryhandles: When the end comes, only one place will be safe!

*No Dwarves are harmed in the executions. Gloryhandles uses only shortened elves to recreate an execution.

Gloryhandles is not responsible for any injuries or deaths resulting from magma, invaders, nobles, your own stupidity, or the will of Armok. Visitors may be subject to strange moods. Gloryhandles reserves the right to refuse admittance to soapmakers and other occupations. Gloryhandles has a strict feline control policy, and cats will be confiscated.

[Skorpion]

Come, see the legendary fortress of Balanceships! Witness the complete safety of the open desert, free of that pesky wildlife! Experience the freedom of walking around outside without exposure to the sun, thanks to our revolutionary sunshade!
Marvel at the causeways! Roast plump helmets over the magma moat! See the legendary dining hall, the room of artifacts, and the multiple tower-cap farms! See the only magma pipe free of wildlife! Watch the seasonal military manouvers!
(A long-running fort where I paved the sky and killed every last unfriendly creature on the map. Including the fire imps.)


Come see Fencedchaste! See the dangerous and plentiful wildlife! Bear witness to the frequent goblin attacks! See the ingenious corridor of archery prevention, the chasm, the bottomless pit, the magma pipe, and the mining tunnels!
Fencedchaste nobility not responsible for any injuries, deaths, kidnapped children, falls into the chasm or pit, being webbed by spiders, or demon attacks.
(Dwarf heaven. Dangerous wildlife. Constant goblin attacks. Lots of masonry in the bottomless pit. HFS still uncovered.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Drunkenrats
I hope you like fire, vomit and corpses, you crazy fuckers.

[Poojawa]

Come to our special Clown rooms

It's a Circus of Value!

[melkorp]

A long-running fort where I paved the sky

"Uh...nice day today, Urist."
"Yes, Cog.  It is a nice day."
     (Pause)
"Pretty much always a nice day since you, uh..."
"Paved the sky."
"Ha, yeah!"  (Pause)  "Yeah.  The...sky..."
"You're crying a little bit, there, Cog."
"I guess I am, Urist."
"It's 50% gneiss."
"What is?"
"The sky."

Balanceships: Nice day today! 

[Foxbyte]

Don't hold it back; come visit scenic Goldenshowers.

[MelloHero]

Don't hold it back; come visit scenic Goldenshowers.

Please tell me that was a random-generated name.

There is a story about a place nestled in the Forests of Dancing, in the posh shadow of the Mountain of Style, where dwarves live as they please. This place, my friend, is Evermansion. Platinum is where you'll find it. Splash in our stream*, relax and take in the waterfall through the worm's eyes with our “Mista-Vista” bridge, and visit the Halls of Dwarven Achievement, where exotic beasts and artful masterpieces sit on display for you to enjoy. If you're lucky, you may see a fierce carp come dancing onto the mayor’s own table from the water feature, said to ensure a plentiful… fish… crop… this season (Yeah, that’s folksy enough to amuse those Mountainhome dandies, right?). Speaking of water features, this one feeds our well in the Great Hall, where there is no shortage of party life—what happens here stays! Regular worship services are also held to Ner the Spry Gills, for those of such an inclination, and with his blessing, you might even get to take part in an appropriation team, grabbing whatever you can come away with from our elven neighbors! It should be known, however, that some dwarves like the place so much that they decide to stay. Luckily, immigrants are welcome, and whatever your expertise, we can find a place for you** here in Evermansion!
Evermansion: A Fortress Is Forever.
* The staff of Evermansion is not responsible for fish attacks, drownings, or waterfall-related accidents.
** Job assignments will be carried out by the Bookkeeper and may not be the same as former occupation. The Captain of the Guard reserves the right to draft anyone into fortress guard or military service.

[Foxbyte]

Don't hold it back; come visit scenic Goldenshowers.

Please tell me that was a random-generated name.

It was randomly generated, a fact I find funny to this very day. I'm going to have a waterfall system made of <insert yellow stone I forget the name of here>, which flows right onto a masterwork statue made of solid gold. "Nothing Like Gold on Gold" is our motto.

[darthbob88]

Don't hold it back; come visit scenic Goldenshowers.

Please tell me that was a random-generated name.

It was randomly generated, a fact I find funny to this very day. I'm going to have a waterfall system made of <insert yellow stone I forget the name of here>, which flows right onto a masterwork statue made of solid gold. "Nothing Like Gold on Gold" is our motto.

Orthoclase, gypsum, brimstone, sylvite, orpiment, saltpeter? Any of those are yellow, but orthoclase is the one which appears in clusters.

[MelloHero]

Don't hold it back; come visit scenic Goldenshowers.

Please tell me that was a random-generated name.

It was randomly generated, a fact I find funny to this very day. I'm going to have a waterfall system made of <insert yellow stone I forget the name of here>, which flows right onto a masterwork statue made of solid gold. "Nothing Like Gold on Gold" is our motto.

Orthoclase, gypsum, brimstone, sylvite, orpiment, saltpeter? Any of those are yellow, but orthoclase is the one which appears in clusters.

Use saltpeter for the irony of a fortress named after a fetish having a waterfall of the classic home-remedy anaphrodisiac.

[Beanchubbs]

Visit The Fortress of Ice today! (not randomly generated)
Do not worry about the freezing cold or the saber-tooth cats. The saber-tooths are hunted for their warm fur to be provided to all you tourists who wish to come see a magnificent Fort made entirely of Ice. Nothing here ever melts, it's like christmas all year long! Afraid of not having water? Not to worry, there is an aquifer in the soil, but not to worry, it is easily bypassed by digging under it through the glacier you can have all the fun you wish on. You can walk into the meeting hall, where there is a frozen waterfall, masterful furniture, plenty of caged wildlife, and beautiful engravings of the events that passed in the founding of this fortress. Or you can visit the aboveground log cabins and warm your feet in the magma-powered fireplaces after a long trip to this wonderful place. Near the cabin district, is the great barracks, where champions reside in the upper floors, and the meatshields other troops stay and practice in the lower floors.

The Fortress of Ice: You might freeze your arse off, but it's worth it!

[Kietharr]

Come now, and appreciate the architectural marvels of CloisteredAnvil!

- See the six story obsidian temple to Armok over a REAL magma pipe! Watch as elves satiate the most glorious god's relentless thirst!

- Observe the sordid memorial engravings to those thirty five dwarves who bravely gave their lives to defeat the unleashed Demon Lord Mezzmoril and his legion of burning fiends, then one level below the memorial gaze into the depths of hell itself, cross the molten river Styx and cower before the king atop his artifact Fire Imp bone throne!

- Witness the work of the four legendary smiths of the Cloister tirelessly working within the four forges of legend atop the precipice, fitted with artifact silver, iron, steel, and even an artifact adamantine anvil, and crafted with aluminum blocks by the legendary architect Momul Kez, these forges are worth more than the rest of the generated wealth of the province combined!

- Dine below the legendary forges in the legendary clear glass dining room with crystal furniture and witness a spectacular magma fall in front of you, while observing a magma river beneath your feet as it flows directly into the depths of hell!