Eventually we conquered Mexico a month after we set foot there. The Mexican government had too much Nazi indoctrination in their heads however and they refused to surrender while they run off to Berlin to share tacos with Hitler.
--AAR on FP
Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches.
Peasant 2: Wood.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck.
Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore...
Peasant 2: ...A witch!
-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
There is nothing noble about about a dragon, its a 10 ton deathmachine with a brain the size of a goose berry.
--Gnarl
But it's tough to really care about questions like, "Why did that happen?"
or even "What's going on?" when you're constantly interrupted by "Oh my goodness! Giant robots! Wheeee!"
--Peter Suderman
Guard 1: so i was following a khajiit that looked suspicious and found him in an alley, turned out he was only licking his tail.
Guard 2: HOLD ON NOW NO HEROICS!
--Guards from TES 4
Jacta Alea Est! (This Die is Cast)
--Julius Ceasar
My anus is bleeding
--REJECTED